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MOTHER'S   BOOK. 


BY  L.  MARIA   CHILD, 

AUTHOR   OF   THE    FRUGAL  HOUSEWIFE,   THE   GIRL'S   OWN   BOOK, 
PHILOTHEA,   LETTERS   FROM   NEW   YORK,    &C. 


The  child  is  father  of  the  man ; 
And  I  could  wish  his  days  to  be  • 
Bound  each  to  each  by  natural  piety. 

Wordsworth. 


Do  you  ask,  then,  what  will  educate  your  son  ?  Your  example  will  educate 
him;  your  conversation;  the  business  he  sees  you  transact;  the  likings  and 
dislikings  you  express,— these  will  educate  him;  the  society  you  live  in  will 
educate  him. — Mrs.  Barbauld. 


SIXTH    EDITION, 

WITH   CORRECTIONS    AND    ADDITIONS   BY   THE    AUTHOR. 


NEW    YORK: 

C.   S.    FRANCIS   &   CO.,   252   BROADWAY. 

BOSTON: 

JOSEPH  H.  FRANCIS,  128  WASHINGTON  STREET. 

1844. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1844, 

BY  C.  S.  FRANCIS  &  CO., 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  Southern  District 
of  New  York. 


i 


• 


AMERICAN    MOTHERS, 

ON 

W-ilOSE   INTELLIGENCE  AND  DISCRETION 

THE 

SAFETY*  AND   PROSPERITY 

or  our 
REPUBLIC    SO   MUCH    DEPEND, 

0)l(s    Volume 
is 

RESPECTFULLY    INSCRIBED. 


PREFACE 


When  I  wrote  the  'Frugal  Housewife,' 
some  booksellers  declined  publishing  it,  on 
account  of  the  great  variety  of  cookery  books 
already  in  the  market.  I  was  perfectly  aware 
of  this  circumstance  ;  but  among  them  all,  I 
did  not  know  of  one  suited  to  the  wants  of 
the  middling  class  in  our  own  country.  I  be- 
lieved such  a  book  was  needed  ;  and  the  sale 
of  more  than  six  thousand  copies  in  one  year 
has  proved  that  I  was  right  in  my  conjecture. 

If  the  same  remark  is  made  with  regard  to 
adding  another  to  the  numerous  books  on 
education,  I  nave  the  same  answer  to  give — 
I  do  not  know  of  one  adapted  to  popular  use 
in  this  country. 

I  make  no  pretensions  to  great  originality. 
The  leading  principles  contained  in  this  little 
volume  have  already  been  advanced  in  the 


VI  PREFACE. 

standard  works  on  education ;  and  I  owe  a 
great  deal  to  frequent  conversations  with  an 
intelligent  and  judicious  mother.  Perhaps 
some  will  think  there  is  egotism  and  pre- 
sumption in  the  frequent  repetition  of  </ 
think,'  and  lI  believe,'  and  '  It  is  my  opinion ' 
— but  it  must  be  remembered  that  this  could 
not  well  be  avoided  in  a  work  where  famil- 
iarity and  directness  of  expression  were  par- 
ticularly required. 

I  have  endeavored  to  give  the  result  of 
my  own  reading  and  observation  in  maxims 
of  plain  practical  good-sense,  written  with 
earnestness  and  simplicity  of  style.  How 
far  I  have  succeeded  must  be  decided  by 
my  readers. 


INTRODUCTION 


I  cannot  offer  a  better  or  more  appropriate  introduction 
to  this  work,  than  an  extract  from  Mr.  Francis'  Discourse 
on  Errors  in  Education. 

1  It  is  not  easy  to  estimate  the  influence  even  of  what 
may  seem  an  inconsiderable  effort,  when  directed  to  such 
an  object  as  education.  It  has  been  said,  that  a  stone 
thrown  into  the  sea  agitates  more  or  less  every  drop  in  that 
vast  expanse  of  waters.  So  it  may  be  with  the  influence 
we  exert  on  the  minds  and  hearts  of  the  young.  Who 
can  tell  what  may  be  the  effects  of  a  single  good  principle 
deeply  fixed,  a  single  pure  and  virtuous  association  strongly 
riveted,  a  single  happy  turn  effectually  given  to  the 
thoughts  and  affections  ?  It  may  spread  a  salutary  and 
sacred  influence  over  the  whole  life  and  through  the  whole 
mass  of  the  character  of  the  child.  Nay,  more,  as  the 
characters  of  others,  who  are  to  come  after  him,  may,  and 
probably  will,  depend  much  on  his,  the  impulse  we  give 
may  not  cease  in  him  who  first  received  it :  it  may  go 
down  from  one  generation  to  another,  widening  and  deep- 
ening  its  influences  as  it  goes,  reaching  forth  with  various 


Vlll  INTRODUCTION. 

modifications,  more  or  less  direct,  till  the  track  of  its  agency 
shall  be  completely  beyond  human  calculation.' 

1  We  are  told,  that  when  Antipater  demanded  of  the 
Lacedemonians  fifty  of  their  children  as  hostages,  they 
replied  that  they  would  rather  surrender  fifty  of  the  most 
eminent  men  in  the  state,  whose  principles  were  already 
formed,  than  children  to  whom  the  want  of  early  instruc- 
tion would  be  a  loss  altogether  irreparable.  The  Spartans 
were  wise ;  and  shall  Christians  be  less  so  1  Oh  no ; — for 
we  believe  that  our  labor  cannot  perish  even  with  life ; — 
we  believe  that,  even  if  the  inscrutable  providence  of  God 
removes  these  objects  of  affection  from  us,  neither  the 
pleasure  they  have  poured  into  our  hearts,  nor  the  good  we 
have  imparted  to  them  will,  or  can,  be  lost.' 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER    I. 

Page 

On  the  Means  of  developing  the  Bodily  Senses  in  earliest 
Infancy, 1 

CHAPTER    II. 
Early  Developement  of  the  Affections, 6 

CHAPTER  III. 
Early  Cultivation  of  Intellect, 10 

CHAPTER  IV. 
Management  in  Childhood, 22 

CHAPTER  V. 
Amusements  and  Employments, 52 

CHAPTER   VI. 

Sunday.    Religion.    Views  of  Death.    Supernatural  Appear- 
ances,      64 

CHAPTER   VII. 

Advice  concerning  Books, 86 

List  of  Good  Book*  for  various  Ages, 98 


JLi 


X.  CONTENTS. 

Toga, 
CHAPTER   VIII. 

Politeness, 109 

CHAPTER  IX. 
Beauty.     Dress.     Gentility, 122 

CHAPTER  X. 
Management  during  the  Teens, 130 

CHAPTER  XI. 
Views  of  Matrimony,. 

CONCLUDING  CHAPTER.  170 


# 


:-*         * 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 


CHAPTER  I. 


THE    BODILY    SENSES. 

Few  people  think  that  the  management  of  very 
young  babes  has  anything  to  do  with  their  future  dis- 
positions and  characters ;  yet  I  believe  it  has  more  in- 
fluence than  can  easily  be  calculated.  One  writer  on 
education  even  ventures  to  say,  that  the  heaviness  of 
the  Dutch  and  the  vivacity  of  the  French  are  owing  to 
the  different  manner  in  which  infants  are  treated  in 
those  two  countries. 

The  Dutch  keep  their  children  in  a  state  of  repose, 
always  rocking,  or  jogging  them ;  the  French  are  per- 
petually tossing  them  about,  and  showing  them  lively 
tricks.  I  think  a  medium  between  these  two  extremes 
would  be  the  most  favorable  to  a  child's  health  and 
faculties. 

An  infant  is,  for  a  while,  totally  ignorant  of  the  use 
of  the  senses  with  which  he  is  endowed.  At  first,  he 
does  not  see  objects ;  and  when  he  sees  them,  he 
does  not  know  that  he  can  touch  them.  *  He  is  obliged 
to  serve  an  apprenticeship  to  the  five  senses,'  and  at 


a 


every  step  he  needs  assistance  in  learning  his  trade. 
Any  one  can  see  that  assistance  tends  to  quicken  the 
faculties,  by  observing  how  much  faster  a  babe  improves, 
when  daily  surrounded  by  little  brothers  and  sisters. 

But  in  trying  to  excite  an  infant's  attention,  care 
should  be  taken  not  to  confuse  and  disuact  him.  His 
soul,  like  his  body,  is  weak,  and  requires  to  have  but 
little  sustenance  at  a  time,  and  to  have  it  often.  Gen- 
tleness, patience,  and  love,  are  almost  everything  in 
education ;  especially  to  those  helpless  little  creatures, 
who  have  just  entered  into  a  world  where  everything  is 
new  and  strange  to  them.  Gentleness  is  a  sort  of  mild 
atmosphere ;  and  it  enters  into  a  child's  soul,  like  the 
sunshine  into  the  rose-bud,  slowly  but  surely  expanding 
it  into  beauty  and  vigor. 

All  loud  noises  and  violent  motions  should  be  avoid- 
ed. They  pain  an  infant's  senses,  and  distract  his  fac- 
ulties. I  have  seen  impatient  nurses  thrust  a  glaring 
candle  before  the  eyes  of  a  fretful  babe,  or  drum  vio- 
lently on  the  table,  or  rock  the  cradle  like  an  earth- 
quake. These  things  may  stop  a  child's  cries  for  a 
short  time,  because  the  pain  they  occasion  his  senses, 
draws  his  attention  from  the  pain  which  first  induct 
him  to  cry  ;  but  they  do  not  comfort  or  soothe  him.  As 
soon  as  he  recovers  from  the  distraction  they  have  oc- 
casioned, he  will  probably  ciy  again,  and  even  louder 
than  before.  Besides  the  pain  given  to  his  mind, 
violent  measures  are  dangerous  to  the  bodily  senses. 
Deafness  and  weakness  of  eye-sight  may  no  doubt  of- 
ten be  attributed  to  such  causes  as  I  have  mentioned ; 
and  physicians  are  agreed  diat  the  dropsy  on  the  brain 
is  frequently  produced  by  violent  rocking. 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


Unless  a  child's  cries  are  occasioned  by  sharp  bodily 
pain,  they  may  usually  be  pacified  by  some  pleasing 
object,  such  as  stroking  a  kitten,  or  patting  the  dog ; 
and  if  their  tears  are  really  occasioned  by  acute  pain,  is 
it  not  cruel  to  add  another  suffering,  by  stunning  them 
widi  noise,  or  blinding  them  widi  light? 

Attention  should  be  early  aroused  by  presenting  at- 
tractive objects — tilings  of  bright  and  beautiful  colors, 
but  not  glaring — and  sounds  pleasant  and  soft  to  the 
ear.  When  you  have  succeeded  in  attracting  a  babe's 
attention  to  any  object,  it  is  well  to  let  him  examine  it 
just  as  long  as  he  chooses.  Every  time  he  turns  it  over, 
drops  it,  and  takes  it  up  again,  he  adds  something  to 
the  little  stock  of  his  scanty  experience.  When  his 
powers  of  attention  are  wearied,  he  will  soon  enough 
show  it  by  his  actions.  A  multitude  of  new  playthings, 
crowded  upon  him  one  after  another,  only  serve  to  con- 
fuse him.  He  does  not  learn  as  much,  because  he  does 
not  have  time  to  get  acquainted  with  the  properties  of 
any  one  of  them.  Having  had  his  little  mind  excited 
by  a  new  object,  he  should  be  left  in  quiet,  to  toss,  and 
turn,  and  jingle  it,  to  his  heart's  content.  If  he  look 
up  in  the  midst  of  his  play,  a  smile  should  be  always 
ready  for  him,  that  he  may  feel  protected  and  happy 
in  the  atmosphere  of  love. 

It  is  important  that  children,  even  when  babes,  should 
never  be  spectators  of  anger,  or  any  evil  passion.  They 
come  to  us  from  heaven,  with  their  little  souls  full  of 
innocence  and  peace  ;  and,  as  far  as  possible,  a  mother's 
influence  should  not  interfere  with  the  influence  of  angels. 

The  first  and  most  important  thing,  in  order  to  effect 
this  is,  that  the  mother  should  keep  her  own  spirit  in 
2 


tranquillity  and  purity ;  for  it  is  beyond  all  doubt  that 
die  state  of  a  mother  affects  her  child.  There  are 
proofs  that  it  is  true,  both  with  regard  to  mind  and  body. 
A  mere  babe  will  grieve  and  sob  at  the  expression  of 
distress  on  a  mother's  countenance ;  he  cannot  possibly 
knoiv  what  that  expression  means,  but  he  feels  that  it 
is  something  painful — his  mother's  state  affects  him. 

Effects  on  the  bodily  constitution  will  be  more  readily 
believed  than  effects  on  the  mind,  because  the  most 
thoughdess  can  see  the  one,  and  they  cannot  see  die 
other.  Children  have  died  in  convulsions,  in  conse- 
quence of  nursing  a  mother,  while  under  die  influence 
of  violent  passion  or  emotion ;  and  who  can  tell  how 
much  of  moral  evil  may  be  traced  to  the  states  of  mind 
indulged  by  a  mother,  while  tending  die  precious  little 
being,  who  receives  everything  from  her  ? 

Therefore  the  first  rule,  and  the  most  important  ol 
all,  in  education,  is,  that  a  mother  govern  her  own  feel 
ings,  and  keep  her  heart  and  conscience  pure. 

The  next  most  important  diing  appears  to  me  to  be, 
that  a  mother,  as  far  as  other  duties  will  permit,  take 
the  entire  care  of  her  own  child.  I  am  aware  that 
people  of  moderate  fortune  cannot  attend  exclusively  to 
an  infant.  Other  cares  claim  a  share  of  attention,  and 
sisters,  or  domestics,  must  be  intrusted ;  but  where  this 
must  necessarily  be  the  case,  the  infant  should,  as  much 
as  possible,  feel  its  mother's  guardianship.  If  in  the 
same  room,  a  smile,  or  a  look  of  fondness,  should  now 
and  then  be  bestowed  upon  him ;  and  if  in  an  adjoining 
room,  some  of  the  endearing  appellations  to  which  he 
has  been  accustomed,  should  once  in  a  while  meet  his 
ear.     The   knowledge  that  his  natural  protector  and 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


best  friend  is  near,  will  give  him  a  feeling  of  safety  and 
protection  alike  conducive  to  his  happiness  and  bene- 
ficial to  his  temper. 

You  may  say,  perhaps,  that  a  mother's  instinct  teaches 
fondness,  and  there  is  no  need  of  urging  that  point ;  but 
the  difficulty  is,  mothers  are  sometimes  fond  by  fits  and 
starts — they  follow  impulse,  not  principle.  Perhaps  the 
cares  of  the  world  vex  or  discourage  you — and  you  do 
not,  as  usual,  smile  upon  your  babe  when  he  looks  up 
earnestly  in  your  face,-— or  you  are  a  little  impatient  at 
his  fretfulness.  Those  who  know  your  inquietudes  may 
easily  excuse  this ;  but  what  does  the  innocent  being 
before  you  know  of  care  and  trouble?  And  why 
should  you  distract  his  pure  nature  by  the  evils  you 
have  received  from  a  vexatious  world?  It  does  you 
no  good,  and  it  injures  him. 

Do  you  say  it  is  impossible  always  to  govern  one's 
feelings?  There  is  one  method,  a  never-failing  one — 
prayer.  It  consoles  and  strengthens  the  wounded  heart, 
and  tranquillizes  the  most  stormy  passions.  You  will  say, 
perhaps,  that  you  have  not  leisure  to  pray  every  time 
your  temper  is  provoked,  or  your  heart  is  grieved. — It 
requires  no  time — the  inward  ejaculation  of 'Lord,  help 
me  to  overcome  this  temptation,'  may  be  made  in  any 
and  amid  any  employments;  and  if  uttered  in 
humble  sincerity,  the  voice  that  said  to  the  raging  wa- 
ters, '  Peace  !  Be  still !'  will  restore  quiet  to  your  trou- 
bled soul. 

As  the  first  step  in  education,  I  have  recommended 
gentle,  but  constant  efforts  to  attract  the  attention,  and 
improve  the  bodily  senses.  I  would  here  suggest  the 
importance  of  preserving  the  organs  of  those  senses  in 


full  vigor.  For  instance,  the  cradle  should  be  so  placed 
that  the  face  of  the  infant  may  be  in  shade.  A 
stream  of  light  is  dangerous  to  his  delicate  organs  of 
vision ;  and  if  it  be  allowed  to  come  in  at  one  side,  he 
may  turn  his  eyes,  in  the  effort  to  watch  it.  Glaring 
red  curtains  and  brilliantly  striped  Venetian  carpeting 
are  bad  things  in  a  nursery,  for  similar  reasons. 

I  have  said  nothing  concerning  the  physical  wants  of 
children, — their  food,  diseases,  &tc, — because  such  sub- 
jects are  not  embraced  in  the  design  of  the  present  work. 

The  judicious  and  experienced  are  universally  agreed 
that  die  best  books  for  these  purposes  are,  '  De wees' 
Treatise  upon  Children,'  and  '  Advice  to  Young 
Mothers,  By  a  Grandmother.' 


CHAP.   II. 

THE   AFFECTIONS. 


The  cultivation  of  the  affections  comes  next  to  the 
development  of  the  bodily  senses ;  or  rather  they  may 
be  said  to  begin  together,  so  early  does  the  infant  heart 
receive  impressions.  The  uniform  gentleness,  to  which 
I  have  before  alluded,  and  the  calm  state  of  the  mother's 
own  feelings,  have  much  to  do  widi  the  affections  of  the 
child. 

Kindness  toward  animals  is  of  great  importance. 
Children  should  be  encouraged  in  pitying  their  distress ; 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  7 

and  if  guilty  of  any  violent  treatment  toward  them,  they 
should  see  that  you  are  grieved  and  displeased  at  such 
conduct. 

Before  showing  any  disapprobation  of  his  conduct, 
however,  it  should  be  explained  to  a  very  young  child 
when  he  really  does  hurt  an  animal ;  for  young  children 
are  often  cruel  from  the  mere  thoughtlessness  of  frolic ; 
they  strike  an  animal  as  they  would  strike  a  log  of  wood, 
without  knowing  that  they  occasion  pain. 

I  once  saw  a  mother  laugh  very  heartily  at  the  dis- 
tressed face  of  a  kitten,  which  a  child  of  two  years  old 
was  pulling  backward  by  the  tail.  At  last,  the  kitten, 
in  self-defence,  turned  and  scratched  the  boy.  He 
screamed,  and  his  mother  ran  to  him,  kissed  the  wound, 
and  beat  the  poor  kitten,  saying  all  the  time,  'Naughty 
kitten,  to  scratch  John  !  I'll  beat  her  for  scratching 
John  !     There,  ugly  puss  !' 

This  little  incident,  trifling  as  it  seems,  no  doubt  had 
important  effects  on  the  character  of  the  child ;  espe- 
cially as  a  mother,  who  would  do  such  a  tiling  once, 
would  be  very  likely  to  do  it  habitually. 

In  the  first  place,  the  child  was  encouraged  in  cru- 
elty, by  seeing  that  it  gave  his  mother  amusement. 
Had  she  explained  to  him  that  he  was-  hurting  the  kit- 
ten, and  expressed  her  pity  by  saying,  '  Oh,  don't  hurt 
kitty — she  is  a  good  little  puss — and  she  loves  John' — 
what  a  different  impression  would  have  been  made  on 
his  infant  heart ! 

In  the  next  place,  the  kitten  was  struck  for  defending 
herself ;  this  was  injustice  to  the  injured  animal,  and  a 
lesson  of  tyranny  to  the  boy.  In  the  third  place,  strik- 
ing the  kitten  because  she  had  scratched  him,  was  teach- 


ing  him  retaliation.  For  that  reason,  a  chair  or  a  foot- 
stool, against  which  he  had  accidentally  hurt  himself, 
should  never  be  struck,  or  treated  in  an  angry  manner. 
You  know,  to  be  sure,  that  an  inanimate  object  is  not 
capable  of  feeling  pain ;  but  your  infant  does  not  know 
it ;  the  influence  upon  him  is,  that  it  is  right  to  injure 
when  we  are  injured. 

It  is  a  common  opinion  that  a  spirit  of  revenge  is 
natural  to  children.  No  doubt  bad  temper,  as  well  as 
other  evils,  moral  and  physical,  are  often  hereditary — 
and  here  is  a  fresh  reason  for  being  good  ourselves,  if 
we  would  have  our  children  good.  But  allowing  that 
evil  propensities  are  hereditary,  and  therefore  born  with 
children,  how  are  they  excited,  and  called  into  action  ? 

First,  by  the  influences  of  the  nursery — those  early 
influences,  which,  beginning  as  they  do  with  life  itself, 
are  easily  mistaken  for  the  operations  of  nature ;  and 
in  the  second  place,  by  the  temptations  of  the  world. 

Now,  if  a  child  has  ever  so  bad  propensities,  if  the 
influences  of  the  nursery  be  pure  and  holy,  his  evils 
will  never  be  excited,  or  roused  into  action,  until  his 
understanding  is  enlightened,  and  his  principles  formed, 
so  that  he  has  power  to  resist  them.  The  temptations 
of  the  world  will  then  do  him  no  harm ;  he  will  '  over- 
come evil  with  good.' 

But  if,  on  the  other  hand,  the  influences  of  the  nur- 
sery are  bad,  the  weak  passions  of  the  child  are 
strengthened  before  his  understanding  is  made  strong ; 
he  gets  into  habits  of  evil  before  he  is  capable  of  per- 
ceiving that  they  are  evil.  Consequently,  when  he 
comes  out  into  the  world,  he  brings  no  armor  against 
its   temptations.     Evil  is    within   and   without.     And 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  9 

should  the  Lord  finally  bring  him  out  of  Egypt,  it  must 
be  after  a  dark,  and  weary  bondage. 

The  mind  of  a  child  is  not  like  that  of  a  grown  person, 
too  full  and  too  busy  to  observe  everything ;  it  is  a 
vessel  empty  and  pure — always  ready  to  receive,  and 
always  receiving. 

Every  look,  every  movement,  every  expression,  does 
something  toward  forming  the  character  of  the  little 
heir  to  immortal  life. 

Do  you  regard  it  as  too  much  trouble  thus  to  keep 
watch  over  yourself?  Surely  the  indulgence  of  evil  is 
no  privilege :  the  yoke  of  goodness  is  far  lighter  and 
easier  to  bear,  than  the  bondage  of  evil.  Is  not  the 
restraint  you  impose  upon  yourself  for  the  good  of  your 
child,  blessed,  doubly  blessed,  to  your  own  soul  ?  Does 
not  the  little  cherub  in  this  way  guide  you  to  heaven, 
marking  the  pathway  by  the  flowers  he  scatters  as  he 
goes. 

The  rule,  then,  for  developing  good  affections  in  a 
child  is,  that  he  never  be  allowed  to  see  or  feel  the  in- 
fluence of  bad  passions,  even  in  the  most  trifling  things ; 
and  in  order  to  effect  this,  you  must  drive  evil  passions 
out  of  your  own  heart.  Nothing  can  be  real  that  has 
not  its  home  within  us.  The  only  sure  way,  as  well 
as  the  easiest,  to  appear  good,  is  to  be  good. 

It  is  not  possible  to  indulge  anger,  or  any  other  wrong 
feeling,  and  conceal  it  entirely.  If  not  expressed  in 
words,  a  child  feels  the  baneful  influence.  Evil  enters 
into  his  soul,  as  the  imperceptible  atmosphere  he 
breathes  enters  into  his  lungs :  and  the  beautiful  little 
image  of  God  is  removed  farther  and  farther  from  his 
home  in  heaven. 


p 


10  THE    MOTHER'S   BOOK. 

CHAP.    III. 

1K1ELLECT.  — ATTENTION. 

The  first  effort  of  intellect  is  to  associate  the  names 
of  objects  with  the  sight  of  them.  To  assist  a  babe  in 
this  particular,  when  you  direct  his  attention  to  any 
object,  speak  the  name  of  the  object,  slowly  and  dis- 
tinctly. After  a  few  times,  he  will  know  the  thing  by 
its  name ;  and  if  you  say  Dog,  when  the  dog  is  not  in 
the  room,  he  will  show  that  he  knows  what  you  mean, 
by  looking  round  in  search  of  him. 

By  degrees,  a  few  words  can  be  added.  He  will 
soon  learn  to  repeat,  '  Good  little  dog ;'  and  though 
he  may  not  have  very  exact  ideas  of  what  good  means, 
the  tone  of  the  voice,  and  the  manner  in  which  you 
speak,  will  make  him  think  it  is  something  pleasant. 
When  you  draw  a  child's  attention  to  a  living  thing,  it 
is  well  to  accompany  it  with  some  endearment  to  the 
animal ;  this  will  awaken  his  affections,  as  well  as  his 
thoughts.  In  teaching  a  child  to  talk,  low,  mild  tones 
should  be  used. 

Too  much  cannot  be  said  on  the  importance  of  giving 
children  early  habits  of  observation.  This  must  be 
done  by  teaching  them  to  pay  attention  to  surrounding 
objects,  and  to  inquire  the  why  and  wherefore  of  every- 
thing. No  doubt  many  mothers  will  say,  *I  cannot 
thus  train  the  minds  of  my  children ;  for  it  is  my  mis- 
fortune not  to  have  had  an  education  myself.'  This 
answer  is  very  frequently  given ;  and  if  by  education  is 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  11 

meant  book-learning,  the  excuse  is  indeed  a  poor  one. 
Good  judgment,  kind  feelings,  and  habitual  command 
over  one's  own  passions,  are  necessary  in  the  education 
of  children ;  but  learning  is  not  necessary.  The  mother, 
who  has  had  no  other  advantages  than  are  furnished  by 
a  Dublic  school  in  a  remote  country  village,  knows  a 
great  many  more  tilings  than  a  child  of  three  or  four 
years  can  possibly  know.  Early  accustom  your  chil- 
dren to  inquire  about  the  tilings  they  handle.  What  if 
you  cannot  always  answer  them?  You  do  them  an 
immense  deal  of  good  by  giving  dieir  minds  active  hab- 
its. If  a  spirit  of  inquiry  is  once  aroused,  it  will,  sooner 
or  later,  find  means  to  satisfy  itself;  and  thus  the  in- 
quisitive boy  will  become  an  energetic,  capable  man. 

I  will  give  some  familiar  instances  of  what  I  mean. 
Generally  speaking,  when  mothers  have  done  superin- 
tending domestic  concerns  for  the  day,  and  have  seated 
themselves,  to  '  take  some  comfort,'  as  the  phrase  is, 
1  with  their  children,'  they  spend  the  time  in  trotting  them, 
or  shaking  the  rattle,  or  dragging  about  the  little  cart, 
or  repeating  over  and  over  again,  'pat  a  cake,  pat  a 
cake.'  Now  this  is  extremely  well ;  and  should  on  no 
account  be  omitted.  But  sometliing  ought  to  be  mixed 
with  these  plays  to  give  the  child  habits  of  thought.  Toys 
amuse  him  for  the  time  ;  but  he  grows  weary  of  them, 
and  when  he  does  not  hear,  or  see  them,  they  do  not 
furnish  anything  for  him  to  think  about.  But  should 
you,  while  tossing  a  ball,  stop  and  say,  l  This  ball  is 
roimtl ;  this  little  tea-table  is  square.  Now  George 
knows  what  round  and  square  mean,' — it  would  give 
him  something  to  think  about.  When  he  has  a  new 
toy,  he  will  think  to  himself  whether  it  is  round  or 


■ 


12  THE    MOTHER'S   BOOK. 

square.  It  is  not  well  to  tell  him  more  than  one  tiling 
at  a  time,  or  to  enter  into  any  detailed  explanations. 
It  is  a  bad  thing  to  have  infant  attention  wearied.  It 
is  enough  for  him  to  know  that  the  ball  is  round  and 
the  table  square.  When  he  is  older,  you  can  explain  to 
him  that  a  square  has  always  equal  sides,  and  that  the 
edge  of  a  round  tiling  is  always  equally  distant  from  the 
centre. 

Another  day,  should  you  show  him  your  ball  of  yarn, 
and  ask  him  if  it  be  round  or  square,  the  chance  is,  he 
will  answer  correctly.  If  he  does  recollect  what  you 
have  told  him,  it  will  make  his  little  heart  very  happy ; 
and  should  you  reward  his  answer  with  a  smile  and  a 
kiss,  you  will  undoubtedly  have  done  much  to  awaken 
his  powers  of  observation. 

So  much  for  the  first  step. — At  another  time,  should 
you  chance  to  be  spinning  a  dollar,  or  a  cent,  for  his 
amusement,  you  can,  in  the  midst  of  the  play,  stop  and 
say,  '  This  dollar  is  round,  as  well  as  the  ball ;  but  the 
dollar  is  flat,  and  the  ball  is  not  flat.  If  George  puts 
his  hand  on  the  dollar,  he  will  feel  that  it  is  flat ;  and  if 
he  puts  his  hand  on  the  ball,  he  will  feel  that  it  is  not 
flat.  Now  George  knows  what  flat  means.'  Here  I 
would  remark,  that  if  the  child  is  impatient  to  have  the 
dollar  spinning,  and  does  not  love  to  hear  about  its 
form,  it  is  unwise  to  cross  his  inclinations.  We  never 
remember  so  well  what  we  do  not  love  to  hear ;  and 
forced  instruction  is  apt  to  injure  the  temper,  and  give 
an  early  aversion  to  knowledge. 

We  are  apt  to  forget  that  things  long  familiar  to  U3 
are  entirely  unknown  to  an  infant.  There  is  hardly 
anything  connected  with  his  little  wants,  which  may  not 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  13 

be  made  a  pleasant  medium  of  instruction.  When  eating 
a  piece  of  bread,  the  following  questions  may  be  asked 
and  answered.  'What  is  bread  made  of?'  '  I  don't 
know ;  what  is  it  made  of,  mother  ?'  '  It  is  made  of 
grain  ;  sometimes  of  rye,  sometimes  of  Indian  meal,  and 
sometimes  of  flour.'  '  What  is  grain  made  of?'  '  It 
grows  in  the  field.  The  farmers  plant  it  in  the  ground, 
and  God  causes  it  to  grow.' 

When  a  child  is  playing  with  his  kitten,  it  is  easy  to 
mix  instruction  with  his  enjoyment,  by  saying,  '  Feel 
pussy's  fur — how  smooth  it  is.  Feel  this  piece  of 
coral — how  rough  it  is.  Pussy's  fur  is  smooth,  and 
the  coral  is  rough.  Now  George  knows  what  smooth 
and  rough  mean.' 

As  he  grows  older,  the  information  given  him  may 
be  of  a  higher  character.  He  can  be  told, '  The  andirons 
are  made  of  brass.  Brass  is  called  a  metal ;  it  is  dug 
out  of  the  earth.'  At  another  time,  he  may  be  asked, 
'What  is  the  cover  of  your  book  made  of?'  If  he 
answer,  '  Of  leather,'  ask  him  what  leather  is  made  of. 
If  he  does  not  know,  tell  him  it  is  made  of  a  calf's  skin 
Then  ask  him  whether  the  cover  of  his  book  is  a  metal. 
If  he  say, '  No,'  ask  him  what  is  the  reason  it  is  not.  If 
he  cannot  answer,  tell  him,  '  Because  metals  are  always 
dug  out  of  the  earth.  Leather  is  not  dug  out  of  the 
earth  ;  it  is  made  of  calf-skin  ;  therefore  it  is  an  animal 
substance,  not  a  metal.  Does  George  know  what  an 
animal  is  ?  It  is  a  creature  that  grows,  and  can  move 
about  from  one  place  to  another.  Your  kitten  is  an 
animal ;  she  grows  bigger  every  day  ;  and  she  moves 
about.  The  brass  andirons  are  not  animals.  They  do 
not  grow  any  larger,  and  they  cannot  move.'    Afterward, 


14  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

when  a  proper  opportunity  occurs,  ask  him  to  tell  you 
the  difference  between  a  metal  and  an  animal. 

If  he  bring  you  a  rose,  you  can  say,  *  Thank  you, 
George,  for  this  rose.  Now,  can  you  tell  me  what  it  is? 
Is  it  a  metal  ?'  '  No.'  '  Is  it  an  animal  ?'  '  I  should 
think  not,  mother.'  *  What  is  it,  then  ?'  ' I  don't  know.' 
'  I  will  tell  you.  It  is  a  vegetable.  Vegetables  grow 
out  of  the  earth.  They  are  not  like  metals,  because 
they  grow  larger  and  larger;  and  they  are  not  like 
animals,  because  they  cannot  move  of  themselves. 
What  are  you,  George  ?'  '  I  am  not  a  metal,  for  I 
grow  bigger  every  day.  I  am  not  a  vegetable,  for  I 
can  walk.  I  think  I  am  an  animal.'  *  Right,  my  dear 
son.  Now  you  know  the  meaning  of  metals,  animals, 
and  vegetables.' 

Such  conversations  as  these  will  make  his  thoughts 
busy  ;  and  when  he  takes  a  book  he  will  probably  ask, 
*  What  are  the  leaves  of  books  made  of?'  *  They  are 
made  of  paper.'  'What  is  paper  made  of?'  '  Of  rags.' 
'What  are  rags  made  of?'  '  Sometimes  of  linen,  and 
sometimes  of  cotton.  Cotton  grows  in  a  pod,  and  linen 
is  made  from  a  plant  called  flax.'  '  Then  the  leaves  of 
my  book  are  vegetable.'  This  discovery,  simple  as  it 
is,  will  afford  the  boy  great  pleasure,  and  will  make  it 
more  easy  to  exercise  his  powers  of  thought. 

I  dare  say  the  preceding  hints  will  sound  silly  enough 
to  many  mothers ;  but  they  are  nevertheless  founded  in 
reason  and  sound  sense.  It  is  a  fact  that  children,  thus 
early  accustomed  to  observe,  will  have  a  wonderful 
power  of  amusing  themselves.  They  will  examine 
every  figure  in  the  carpet,  and  think  to  themselves 
whether  it  is  round,  or  square  ;  and  will  sit,  by  the  half 


■P  ft 

THE    MOTHERS    BOOK.  15 

hour,  quietly  watching  die  figures  on  copper-plate,  or 
calico. 

Arithmetic  may  very  early  be  made  a  source  of 
amusement ;  for  children  can  very  soon  learn  to  count 
sticks  or  marbles,  and  tell  how  many  diey  should  have 
left,  if  you  should  take  away  any  given  number. 

With  regard  to  the  kind  of  information  conveyed,  as 
well  as  the  quantity,  that  should  depend  upon  the  child's 
age,  intelligence,  and  progress  ;  tilings  which  no  persoi 
can  have  an  opportunity  to  observe  and  know,  so  well  as 
mother.  The  system  of  making  use  of  all  the  common 
incidents  of  life  to  convey  knowledge,  and  improve  the 
heart,  may  be  begun  in  the  earliest  childhood,  and  con- 
tinued even  until  youth  ripens  into  manhood.  I  will 
give  a  simple  instance :  Quite  a  large  boy,  when  sailing 
in  a  boat,  may  be  asked  to  observe  how  the  hills  and 
the  trees  seem  to  move  from  him,  while  in  fact  the  boat 
alone  is  moving.  The  simple  fact  may  not  be  of  much 
consequence  to  him ;  for  if  he  is  a  bright  boy,  he  would 
have  noticed  it  himself,  without  being  asked  to  attend  to 
it :  but  you  can  make  it  the  means  of  illustrating  another 
idea,  by  saying,  '  Just  so  the  sun  seems  to  move  round 
the  earth ;  but  it  does  not  move.  The  sun  stands  still, 
as  the  hills  and  trees  do;  but  the  earth  is  moving  all 
the  time.' 

I  am  aware  that  these  habits  of  inquiry  are  at  times 
very  troublesome  ;  for  no  one,  however  patient,  can  be 
always  ready  to  answer  the  multitude  of  questions  a 
child  is  disposed  to  ask.  Hut  it  must  be  remembered 
that  all  good  things  are  accompani«  (1  with  inconven- 
iences. The  rare  of  children  requires  a  great  many 
sacrifices,  and  a  p-eat  deal  of  self-denial ;  but  the  woman, 
3 


16  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

who  is  not  willing  to  sacrifice  a  good  deal  in  such  a 
cause,  does  not  deserve  to  be  a  mother.  Besides,  die 
thoughdess,  indolent  parent,  who  is  not  willing  to  make 
sacrifices,  and  take  trouble,  does  in  fact  have  the  most 
trouble ;  for  the  evils  she  would  not  check  at  first,  when 
it  might  easily  have  been  done,  afterward  grow  too 
strong  for  her  management. 

But  to  return  to  the  subject  of  asking  questions.  It 
is  a  spirit  which  should  not  be  discouraged  ;  but  at  the 
same  time,  children,  should  be  taught  that  they  cannot 
always  be  attended  to.  If  you  are  otherwise  occupied, 
and  their  inquiries  distract  you,  think  a  moment,  and 
collect  yourself,  lest  you  should  answer  pettishly. 

Do  not  say,  '  How  you  plague  me,  Jane  !  I  wish 
you  would  go  away,  and  keep  still !'  But  say,  '  I  am 
very  busy  now,  Jane.  I  cannot  attend  to  you.  If  you 
will  remember  to  ask  me  by  and  by,  when  I  can  at- 
tend to  you,  I  will  talk  with  you  about  it.'  If  the  child 
persists,  the  answer  should  be,  *  You  know  I  always 
tell  you  what  you  ask,  when  I  am  not  very  busy.  I 
cannot  attend  to  you  now  ;  and  if  you  teaze  me,  I  shall 
be  very  sorry  ;  for  I  shall  be  obliged  to  put  you  out  of 
the  room.'  After  this  threat  is  once  made,  nodiing 
should  induce  you  to  refrain  from  observing  it.  In 
order  that  your  child  may  be  easily  satisfied  widi  these 
kind,  but  firm  refusals,  when  you  are  busy,  you  should 
try  to  bear  in  mind  the  question  she  has  asked,  and 
take  the  first  leisure  moment  to  reply  to  it.  This  will 
give  her  confidence  in  what  you  have  said ;  and  she 
will  know  it  was  not  done  merely  to  put  her  off. 

Perhaps  another  difficulty  may  occur ;  your  children 
may  ask  questions  that  you  do  not  know  how  to  answer 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  17 

In  that  case,  as  in  all  others,  the  honest  truth  should 
be  told.  The  reply  should  be,  'I  do  not  know. 
When  father  comes  home,  we  will  ask  him ;  perhaps 
he  can  tell  us.'  If  father  does  not  know,  the  answer 
should  be,  *  As  soon  as  you  have  money  enough,  I 
will  buy  you  a  book,  that  will  tell  all  about  it :'  and 
this,  like  all  other  things  that  are  promised,  should  be 
done.  v.-^r- 

If,  as  is  often  the  case,  a  child  asks  an  explanation, 
which  would  be  altogether  above  his  powers  of  com- 
prehension, the  answer  should  be,  'If  I  were  to  tell 
you,  you  could  not  understand  it  now.'  You  must  wait 
till  you  are  older.'  If  your  child  has  been  early  accus- 
tomed to  the  strictest  regard  to  truth,  he  will  believe 
what  you  say,  and  try  to  be  satisfied.  Some  children, 
being  too  much  praised  for  their  quickness,  or  their  wit, 
ask  a  number  of  useless,  pert  questions.  This  dispo- 
sition should  be  promptly  and  decidedly  checked ;  for 
it  is  the  germ  of  vanity  and  affectation.  To  avoid 
exciting  this  evil  in  the  mind  of  a  bright  child,  a  very 
intelligent  question,  or  remark,  should  never  be  quoted 
as  anything  remarkable,  nor  should  he  be  at  all  en- 
couraged to  show  off  before  company.  The  habit  of 
renting  verses,  and  displaying  other  acquirements  before 
strangers,  seems  to  me  the  worst  of  all  possible  things 
for  children.  They  should  be  taught  to  love  knowledge 
for  the  sake  of  the  good  it  will  enable  them  to  do  others, 
not  Urause  they  will  gain  praise  by  it.  An  inordinate 
love  of  reputation  is  always  a  powerful  temptation  to 
active  minds  ;  and  the  more  the  evil  is  fostered  in  the 
v,  the  harder  it  is  to  overcome.  Children  should 
hear  learning,  and  wealth,  and  all  other  external  gifts, 


m>  ♦ 


18 

spoken  of  according  to  their  true  value — that  is,  their 
usefulness.  They  should  be  told,  'The  more  know- 
ledge you  gain,  the  more  useful  you  can  be,  when  you 
become  a  man.' 

Perhaps  you  will  say,  that  as  your  children  grow 
older,  they  cannot  help  learning  that  a  rose  is  a  vege- 
table, the  andirons  a  metal,  &c. ;  and  you  will  ask  what  is 
the  use  of  teaching  it  to  them  a  few  years  earlier  than 
they  would  naturally  take  to  find  it  out  of  themselves.  I 
readily  allow  that  the  knowledge  itself  is  of  very  little 
consequence  to  them ;  but  the  habits  of  attention  and 
activity  of  mind,  which  you  give  them,  are  worth  every- 
thing. 

If  you  take  the  trouble  to  observe,  you  will  find  those 
who  are  the  most  useful,  and  of  course  the  most  suc- 
cessful, in  any  department,  are  those  who  are  in  the 
habit  of  observing  closely,  and  thinking  about  what 
they  observe. 

Why  is  it  that  a  botanist  will  see  hundreds  of  plants 
Jn  a  field,  which  the  careless  stroller  may  pass  again  and 
again  without  perceiving  ?  It  is  because  his  attention 
»ias  been  fixed  upon  plants.  How  is  the  great  novelist 
enabled  to  give  you  such  natural  pictures  of  life  and 
manners  ?  A  close  attention  to  all  the  varieties  of  hu- 
r.an  character,  enables  him  to  represent  them  as  they 
are. 

You  will  find  that  a  smart,  notable  housewife  is  al- 
ways an  'observing  woman.'  What  constitutes  the 
difference  between  a  neat,  faithful  domestic,  and  a  heed- 
less, sluttish  one  ?  One  pays  attention  to  what  she  is 
about,  and  the  other  does  not.  The  slut's  hands  may 
be  very  dirty,  but  she  does  not  observe  it ;  every  time 


^  a 


19 


she  takes  hold  of  the  door,  she  may  leave  it  covered 
with  black  prints,  but  she  does  not  observe  it.  One  ed- 
ucated to  attend  to  tilings  about  her,  would  immediately 
see  these  defects  and  remedy  them. 

We  often  hear  it  said, '  Such  a  person  has  good  sense, 
and  good  feelings ;  but,  somehow  or  other,  he  has  no 
faculty.'  The  '  faculty '  that  is  wanting  is  nothing  more 
or  less  than  active  habits  of  observation  acquired  in 
early  life. 

Those  who  give  their  attention  exclusively  to  one 
thing,  become  great  in  that  one  thing ;  and  will  in  all 
probability  be  careless  and  unobserving  about  every- 
thing else.  This  sort  of  character  is  not  desirable ;  for 
if  it  makes  a  man  greater  in  one  particular  branch,  it 
much  impairs  his  general  usefulness.  In  a  woman  it  is 
peculiarly  unfortunate;  for,  whether  she  be  rich  or 
poor,  the  sphere  allotted  her  by  Providence  requires 
attention  to  many  tilings.  « 

Literary   women  are  not  usually  domestic ;  not  be- 
cause they  cannot  easily  be  so — but  because  they  early 
acquired  the  habit  of  attending  to  literary  things,  and 
of  neglecting  others.     It  is  not  true  that  intellectual 
ive  no  time  to  attend  tc   the  common  con 
of  life.     A  faslnonaole  woman  spends  more  time 
and  thought  about  her  dress,  than  the  most  learned  wo- 
pends  about  books.     It  is  merely  attention  that  is 
wanted  to  make  the  belle  literary,  and   the   learaed 
lomestic. 
All  the  faculties  of  a  child's  mind  should  be  cultivat- 
ed, and  they  should  early  acquire  a  power  of  varying 
it  tent  ion  ,*o  as  to  be  able  to  bestow  it  easily  upon 
whatsoever.     Some  think  it  a  sign  of  good 
3* 


20  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

sense  to  despise  good  taste ;  hence  the  universal  com- 
plaint that  scholars  are  awkward  and  slovenly.  Un- 
questionably tliis  is  better  than  the  silly  pursuit  of  ever- 
varying  fashion ;  but  there  is  no  need  of  either  extreme — 
extremes  always  lie  on  one  side  or  the  other  of  truth 
and  nature. 

Some,  seeing  the  disastrous  effects  of  an  over-heated 
imagination,  think  that  any  degree  of  imagination  is  in- 
consistent with  good  judgment.  This  is  a  mistake. — 
The  finest  imagination  may  be  kept  perfecdy  in  check 
by  good  sense,  provided  all  the  powers  of  the  mind  are 
equally  cultivated  in  early  life.  A  great  writer  has 
said,  '  In  forming  the  human  character,  we  must  not 
proceed  as  a  statuary  does  in  forming  a  statue,  who 
works  sometimes  on  the  face,  sometimes  on  the  limbs, 
and  sometimes  on  the  folds  of  the  drapery ;  but  we 
must  proceed  (and  it  certainly  is  in  our  power)  as  na- 
ture does  in  forming  a  flower,  or  any  other  of  her  pro- 
ductions; she  throws  out  altogether  and  at  once  the 
whole  system  of  being,  and  the  rudiments  of  all  the 
parts.' 

To  a  woman,  the  power  of  changing  attention  is  pe- 
culiarly valuable.  I  have  said  that  an  exclusive  atten- 
tion to  learning  was  a  fault,  as  well  as  an  exclusive  at- 
tention to  fashion ;  but  while  I  condemn  the  excessive 
love  of  books,  I  must  insist  that  the  power  of  finding 
enjoyment  in  reading  is  above  all  price,  particularly  to 
a  woman.  A  full  mind  is  a  great  safeguard  to  virtue 
and  happiness  in  every  situation  of  life.  Multitudes  of 
people  do  wrong  from  mere  emptiness  of  mind,  and 
want  of  occupation. 

Children  should  be  early  taught  by  example  to  listen 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  21 

attentively  to  intelligent  conversation,  and  should  after- 
ward be  encouraged  in  referring  to  it.  This  will  occa- 
sion a  thirst  for  information,  which  will  lead  to  a  love  of 
reading.  But  while  you  try  to  encourage  a  love  of 
books,  remember  to  direct  their  attention  to  other  things 
at  the  same  time.  For  instance,  show  your  daughter 
at  which  end  you  begin  to  grate  a  nutmeg,  and  explain 
to  her  that  if  you  began  at  the  end  once  fastened  to  the 
branch,  it  would  grate  full  of  holes  ;  because  the  fibres 
which  held  it  together  were  fastened  at  that  place,  and 
being  broken,  they  fall  out.  When  sewing,  you  can 
call  attention  to  the  fact  that  sewing-silk  splits  much 
better  for  being  first  drawn  through  the  wax ;  and  that 
a  wristband  is  put  on  before  the  sleeve  is  sewed,  be- 
cause it  can  be  managed  more  conveniently. 

I  mention  these  merely  as  familiar  instances  how  the 
attention  may  be  kept  awake,  and  ready  to  devote  it- 
self to  little  diings,  as  well  as  great.  If  a  girl  feels  in- 
terested in  nothing  but  books,  she  will  in  all  probability 
be  useless,  or  nearly  so,  in  all  the  relations  dearest  to  a 
good  woman's  heart;  if,  on  the  other  hand,  she  gives 
all  her  attention  to  household  matters,  she  will  become 
drudge,  and  will  lose  many  valuable  sources  of 
enjoyment  and  usefulness.  This  may  be  said  in  favor 
of  an  over-earnest  love  of  knowledge — a  great  mind 
can  attend  to  little  things,  but  a  little  mind  cannot  at- 
lend  to  great  things. 


22  the  mother's  book. 


i 

CHAP.    IV. 


MANAGEMENT. 

This  phrase  is  a  very  broad  and  comprehensive  one. 
Under  it  I  mean  to  include  all  that  relates  to  rewards 
and  punishments,  and  the  adaptation  of  education  to 
different  characters  and  dispositions. 

The  good  old  fashioned  maxim  that l  example  is  bet- 
ter than  precept,'  is  the  best  thing  to  begin  with.  The 
great  difficulty  in  education  is  that  we  give  rules  instead 
of  inspiring  sentiments.  The  simple  fact  that  your 
child  never  saw  you  angry,  that  your  voice  is  always 
gentle,  and  the  expression  of  your  face  always  kind, 
is  worth  a  thousand  times  more  than  all  the  rules  you 
can  give  him  about  not  beating  his  dog,  pinching  his 
brother,  he.  It  is  in  vain  to  load  the  understanding 
with  rules,  if  the  affections  are  not  pure.  In  the  first 
place,  it  is  not  possible  to  make  rules  enough  to  apply 
to  all  manner  of  cases  ;  and  if  it  were  possible,  a  child 
would  soon  forget  them.  But  if  you  inspire  him  with 
right  feelings,  they  will  govern  his  actions.  All  our 
thoughts  and  actions  come  from  our  affections ;  if  we 
love  what  is  good,  we  shall  think  and  do  what  is  good. 
Children  are  not  so  much  influenced  by  what  we  say 
and  do  in  particular  reference  to  them,  as  by  the  gene- 
ral effect  of  our  characters  and  conversation.  They 
are  in  a  great  degree  creatures  of  imitation.  If  they 
see  a  mother  fond  of  finery,  they  become  fond  of  finery ; 
if  they  see  her  selfish,  it  makes  them  selfish ;  if  they 


the  mother's  book.  23 

see  her  extremely  anxious  for  the  attention  of  wealthy 
people,  they  learn  to  think  wealth  is  the  only  good. 

Those  whose  early  influence  is  what  it  should  be, 
will  find  their  children  easy  to  manage,  as  they  grow 
older. 

An  infant's  wants  should  be  attended  to  without 
waiting  for  him  to  cry.  At  first,  a  babe  cries  merely 
from  a  sensation  of  suffering — because  food,  warmth, 
or  other  comforts  necessary  to  his  young  existence,  are 
withheld  ;  but  when  he  finds  crying  is  the  only  means  of 
attracting  attention,  he  soon  gets  in  the  habit  of  crying  for 
everything.  To  avoid  this,  his  wants  should  be  attended 
to,  whether  he  demand  it  or  not.  Food,  sleep,  and 
necessary  comforts  should  be  supplied  to  him  at  such 
times  as  die  experience  of  his  mother  may  dictate.  If 
he  has  been  sitting  on  the  floor,  playing  quietly  by 
himself  a  good  while,  take  him  up  and  amuse  him,  if 
you  can  spare  time,  without  waiting  for  weariness  to 
render  him  fretful.  Who  can  blame  a  child  for  fretting 
and  screaming,  if  experience  has  taught  him  that  he 
cannot  get  his  wants  attended  to  in  any  other  manner  ? 

Young  children  should  never  be  made  to  cry  by 
plaguing  them,  for  the  sake  of  fun ;  it  makes  them  seri- 
ously unhappy  for  the  time,  and  has  an  injurious  effect 
upon  their  dispositions.  When  in  any  little  trouble, 
they  should  be  helped  as  quick  as  possible.  When 
their  feet  are  caught  in  the  rounds  of  a  chair,  or  their 
playthings  entangled,  or  when  any  other  of  the  thou- 
sand-and-one  afflictions  of  baby-hood  occur,  it  is  an  easy 
thing  to  teach  them  to  wait  by  saying,  *  Stop  a  minute, 
and  I  will  come  to  you.'  But  do  not  say  this,  to  put 
them  off:  attend  to  them  as  quick  as  your  employments 


24 

will  permit;  they  will  then  wait  patiently  should  an- 
other disaster  occur.  Children,  who  have  entire  confi- 
dence that  the  simple  truth  is  always  spoken  to  them, 
are  rarely  troublesome. 

A  silent  influence,  which  they  do  not  perceive,  is 
better  for  young  children  than  direct  rules  and  prohibi- 
tions. For  instance,  should  a  child  be  in  ill  humor, 
without  any  apparent  cause,  (as  will  sometimes  happen) 
— should  he  push  down  his  playthings,  and  then  cry 
because  he  has  injured  them — chase  the  kitten,  and 
then  cry  because  she  has  run  out  of  his  reach — it  is 
injurious  to  take  any  direct  notice  of  it,  by  saying,  '  How 
cross  you  are  to-day,  James !  What  a  naughty  boy 
you  are !  I  don't  love  you  to-day. '  This,  in  all  prob- 
ability, will  make  matters  worse.  The  better  way  is 
to  draw  off  his  attention  to  pleasant  thoughts  by  saying, 
'  I  am  going  in  the  garden  ' — or,  *  I  am  going  out  to  see 
the  calf.  Does  James  want  to  go  with  me  ?'  If,  in 
the  capriciousness  of  his  humor,  he  says  he  does  not 
want  to  go,  do  not  urge  him  :  make  preparations  to  go, 
and  he  will  soon  be  inclined  to  follow.  A  few  flowers, 
or  a  little  pleasant  talk  about  the  calf,  will,  in  all  proba- 
bility, produce  entire  forgetfulness  of  his  troubles.  If 
the  employment  suggested  to  him  combine  usefulness 
with  pleasure, — such  as  feeding  the  chickens,  shelling 
peas  for  dinner,  he,  so  much  the  better.  The  habit  of 
assisting  others,  excites  the  benevolent  affections,  and 
lays  the  foundation  of  industry. 

When  a  little  child  has  been  playing,  and  perhaps 
quarrelling,  out  of  doors,  and  comes  in  with  his  face  all 
of  a  blaze,  sobbing  and  crying,  it  is  an  excellent  plan 
to  take  him  by  the  hand  and  say,  <  What  is  the  matter, 


the  mother's  book.  25 

my  dear  boy?  Tell  me  what  is  the  matter.  But, 
how  dirty  your  face  is !  Let  me  wash  your  face  nicely, 
and  wipe  it  dry,  and  then  you  shall  sit  in  my  lap  and 
tell  me  all  about  it.'  If  he  is  washed  gently,  the  sen- 
sation will  be  pleasant  aud  refreshing,  and  by  the  time 
the  operation  is  finished,  his  attention  will  be  drawn  off 
from  his  vexations ;  his  temper  will  be  cooled,  as  well 
as  his  face.  Then  seat  him  in  your  lap,  encourage  him 
to  tell  you  all  about  his  troubles,  comb  his  hair  gently 
in  the  mean  time,  and  in  a  few  minutes  the  vexation  of 
his  little  spirit  will  be  entirely  soothed.  This  secret  of 
calling  off  the  attention  by  little  kind  offices  is  very  val- 
uable to  those  who  have  the  care  of  invalids,  or  young 
children.  Bathing  the  hands  and  feet,  or  combing  the 
hair  gently,  will  sometimes  put  a  sick  person  asleep 
when  he  can  obtain  rest  in  no  other  way. 

An  experienced  and  very  judicious  mother  told  me 
that,  in  the  course  of  twenty  years'  experience,  she  had 
never  known  washing  the  face  and  combing  the  hair, 
fail  to  soothe  an  angry  and  tired  child.  But  then  it 
must  be  done  gently.  The  reason  children  frequently 
have  an  aversion  to  being  washed  is  that  they  are  taken 
hold  of  roughly,  and  rubbed  very  hard.  If  you  occa- 
sion them  pain  by  the  operation,  can  you  wonder  they 
dread  it? 

By  such  expedients  as  I  have  mentioned,  ill-humor 
and  discontent  are  driven  away  by  the  influence  of  kind- 
ness and  cheerfulness ;  '  evil  is  overcome  with  good.' 
Wtffcjpg  and  scolding  could  not  have  produced  quiet 
sr)  soon;  and  if  they  could,  the  child's  temper  would 
have  been  injured  in  the  process. 

m  .said  that  example  and  silent  influence  were 


26  the  mother's  book. 

better  than  direct  rules  and  commands.  Nevertheless, 
there  are  cases  where  rules  must  be  made  ;  and  children 
must  be  taught  to  obey  implicitly.  For  instance,  a  child 
must  be  expressly  forbidden  to  play  with  fire,  to  climb 
upon  the  tables,  &c.  But  whenever  it  is  possible, 
restraint  should  be  invisible. 

The  first  and  most  important  step  in  management  is, 
that  whatever  a  mother  says,  always  must  be  done. 
For  this  reason,  do  not  require  too  much ;  and  on  no 
account  allow  your  cliild  to  do  at  one  time,  what  you 
have  forbidden  him  at  another.  Sometimes  when  a 
woman  feels  easy  and  good-natured,  and  does  not  expect 
any  company,  she  will  allow  her  children  to  go  to  the 
table  and  take  lumps  of  sugar ;  but  should  visiters  be 
in  die  room,  or  she  out  of  humor  with  the  occurrences 
of  the  day,  she  will  perhaps  scold,  or  strike  them,  for 
the  self-same  trick.  How  can  a  mother  expect  obedi- 
ence to  commands  so  selfish  and  capricious?  What 
inferences  will  a  child  draw  from  such  conduct  ?  You 
may  smile  at  the  idea  that  very  young  children  draw 
inferences ;  but  it  is  a  fact,  that  diey  do  draw  inferences 
— and  very  just  ones  too.  We  mistake,  when  we  uust 
too  much  to  children's  not  thinking,  or  observing.  They 
are  shrewd  reasoners  in  all  cases  where  their  little  inter- 
ests are  concerned.  They  know  a  mother's  ruling  pas- 
sion ;  they  soon  discover  her  weak  side,  and  learn  how 
to  attack  it  most  successfully.  I  will  relate  a  little  an- 
ecdote, to  show  that  children  are  acute  observers  of 
character.  A  wealthy  lady,  fond  of  dress  and  equipage, 
was  the  mother  of  a  thoughUess  little  rogue.  One  day, 
he  seized  hold  of  a  demijohn  of  wine,  which  a  larger  boy 
had  placed  upon  the  side-walk  of  a  secluded  alley,  while 


THE    afOTHER's    BOOK.  27 

lie  joined  his  companions  in  play  ;  the  little  fellow  per- 
sisted in  striking  the  demijohn  on  the  pavement,  for  his 
amusement.  He  was  repeatedly  warned  that  he  would 
break  the  botde  and  spill  the  wine ;  and  at  last  this  did 
happen.  His  mother,  being  told  of  the  mischief  he  had 
so  wantonly  done,  immediately  paid  for  the  wine,  and 
ordered  him  to  be  undressed  and  put  to  bed,  although  it 
was  then  in  the  middle  of  the  day.  While  this  opera- 
tion was  performed  by  the  nursery  maid,  he  said, 
'  Betsy,  it  is  my  private  opinion,  that  I  should  have  had 
a  whipping  if  mother  hadn't  had  her  best  gown  on.'* 

To  return  to  ray  subject. — The  necessity  of  obedi- 
ence early  instilled  is  the  foundation  of  all  good  manage- 
ment. If  children  see  you  governed  by  a  real  wish  for 
their  good,  rather  than  by  your  own  selfishness,  or  ca- 
pricious freaks,  they  will  easily  acquire  this  excellent 
habit.  Wilful  disobedience  should  never  go  unpunished. 
If  a  little  child  disobeys  you  from  mere  forgetfulness 
and  frolic,  it  is  best  to  take  no  notice  of  it  j  for  his  inten- 
tion is  not  bad,  and  authority  has  greater  effect  when 
used  sparingly,  and  on  few  occasions.  Should  he  forget 
die  same  injunction  again,  look  at  him  very  seriously, 
and  tell  him  that  if  he  forgets  it  again,  you  shall  be 
obliged  to  punish  him.  Should  he  commit  the  offence 
the  third  time,  take  from  him  the  means  of  committing 
it ;  for  instance,  if  you  tell  him  not  to  tear  his  picture- 
book,  and  he  does  tear  it,  take  it  away  from  him.  Per- 
haps he  will  pout  and  show  ill  humor ; — will  push  off 
with  his  little  chair,  and  say,  '  I  don't  love  you,  mother.' 
— If  so,  take  no  notice.     Do  not  laugh,  for  that  would 

•  I«  is  but  justice  to  this  boy  to  state,  that  be  was  prompt  in  confessing 
bis  fault,  and  eager  to  atone  for  it. 

4 


28  the  mother's  book. 

irritate  him,  without  performing  the  least  use;  do  not 
seem  offended  with  him,  for  that  will  awaken  a  love  of 
power  in  his  little  mind.  It  excites  very  bad  feelings 
in  a  child  to  see  that  he  can  vex  a  parent,  and  make 
her  lose  her  self-command.  In  spite  of  bis  displeasure, 
therefore,  continue  your  employment  tranquilly,  as  if 
nothing  had  happened.  If  his  ill  humor  continue,  how- 
ever, and  show  itself  in  annoyances  to  you,  and  others 
around  him,  you  should  take  him  by  the  hand,  look 
very  seriously  in  his  face,  and  say,  '  James,  you  are  such 
a  naughty  boy,  that  I  must  punish  you.  I  am  very 
sorry  to  punish  you ;  but  I  must,  that  you  may  remem- 
ber to  be  good  next  time.'  This  should  be  done  with 
perfect  calmness,  and  a  look  of  regret.  When  a  child 
is  punished  in  anger,  he  learns  to  consider  it  a  species 
of  revenge ;  when  he  is  punished  in  sorrow,  he  believes 
that  it  is  done  for  his  good. 

The  punishment  for  such  peevishness  as  I  have  men- 
tioned should  be  being  tied  in  an  arm-chair,  or  something 
of  that  simple  nature.  I  do  not  approve  of  shutting  the 
little  offender  in  the  closet.  .  The  sudden  transition 
from  light  to  darkness  affects  him  with^an  undefined 
species  of  horror,  even  if  he  has  been  kept  perfectly 
free  from  frightful  stories.  A  very  young  child  will  be- 
come quite  cold  in  a  few  minutes,  at  midsummer,  if 
shut  in  a  dark  closet. 

If  the  culprit  is  obstinate,  and  tries  to  seem  as  if  he 
did  not  care  for  his  punishment,  let  him  remain  in  con- 
finement till  he  gets  very  tired ;  but  in  the  meanwhile 
be  perfectly  calm  yourself,  and  follow  your  usual  occu- 
pations. You  can  judge  by  his  actions,  and  the  expres- 
sion of  his  countenance,  whether  his  feelings  begin  to 


thb  mother's  book.  29 

soften.  Seize  a  favorable  moment,  and  ask  him  if  he  is 
sorry  he  has  been  so  naughty ;  if  he  says,  *  Yes,'  let  him 
throw  himself  into  your  arms,  kiss  him,  and  tell  him 
you  hope  lie  will  never  be  naughty  again ;  for  if  he  is 
you  must  punish  him,  and  it  makes  you  very  sorry  to 
punish  him.  Here  is  the  key  to  all  good  management : 
always  punish  a  child  for  wilfully  disobeying  you  in 
the  most  trifling  particular;    but  never  punish  him  in 


I  once  heard  a  lady  very  pertly  say,  'Well,  I  should 
be  ashamed  of  myself  if  I  could  punish  a  child  when  I 
was  not  angry.  Anybody  must  be  very  hard-hearted 
that  can  do  it.'  Several  of  her  companions  laughed  at 
this  speech;  but  for  myself,  I  saw  neither  wit  nor  wis- 
dom in  it. 

The  woman  who  punishes  her  child  because  she  is 
angry,  acts  from  the  selfish  motive  of  indulging  her  own 
bad  passions  ;  she  who  punishes  because  it  is  necessary 
for  the  child's  good,  acts  from  a  disinterested  regard  to 
his  future  happiness. 

As  for  the  kind  and  degree  of  punishment,  it  should 
be  varied  according  to  the  age  and  character  of  the 
child,  and  according  to  the  nature  of  the  offence.  We 
must  remember  that  very  young  children  do  not  know 
what  is  right  and  wrong,  until  we  explain  it  to  them. 
A  child  should  not  be  punished  the  first  time  he  tears 
his  picture-book,  or  cuts  his  gown.  He  should  be  told 
that  it  is  very  naughty,  and  that  he  must  not  do  it  again. 
It  is  well  to  show  the  torn  book  to  his  father,  and  other 
member!  of  the  family,  saying  with  a  look  of  concern, 
'  See  how  George  has  torn  his  picture-book  !  What  a 
I  am  50  sorry.'     This  will  impress  the  magnitude 


30  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

of  the  fault  upon  his  mind,  and  he  will  not  be  so  likely 
to  forget  it. 

But  should  he  make  a  grieved  lip,  and  appear  dis- 
tressed at  your  conversation,  change  the  current  of  his 
feelings  by  saying,  '  But  I  am  sure  he  will  never  do 
such  a  naughty  thing  again.  He  is  sorry  for  it.'  Hav- 
ing thus  impressed  his  mind,  do  not  recur  to  the  subject 
again. 

The  form  of  punishment  should  always  be  as  mild  as 
it  can  be  and  produce  the  desired  effect.  Being  sent  to 
bed  in  the  middle  of  the  day  is  a  great  privation ;  and  it 
does  not  excite  bad  feelings  so  much  as  some  other 
forms  of  punishment.  Small  children  may  be  tied  in 
an  arm-chair,  sent  out  of  the  room  and  forbidden  to 
return,  put  to  bed  without  supper,  &c.  Eating  dinner 
separate  from  the  family,  or  not  being  allowed  to  kiss 
fadier  and  mother,  is  a  grievous  penance  to  children  of 
sensibility.  Privation  of  any  expected  pleasure  usually 
makes  a  deep  impression. 

Where  it  is  possible,  it  is  a  good  plan  to  make  the 
punishment  similar  to  the  offence.  If  a  child  is  quar- 
relsome, or  mischievous,  among  his  companions,  make 
him  play  in  a  room  by  himself.  If  he  is  studying 
with  others,  and  chooses  to  be  very  disobliging,  or 
annoying,  send  him  to  another  room  to  study  alone  ; 
or,  if  this  is  not  convenient,  make  him  sit  at  a  table  by 
himself,  and  allow  no  one  to  speak  to  him  during  the 
evening.  His  offences  having  been  anti-social,  his  pun- 
ishment should  be  so  likewise.  Being  deprived  of  social 
intercourse  will  teach  him  its  value. 

If  a  child  abuse  any  good  thing,  it  is  well  to 
take  it  from  him,  and  make  him  feel  the  want  of  it. 


BOOK.  31 

Thus  if  he  abuse  your  confidence,  do  not  trust  him 
again  for  some  time.  But  if  he  is  really  repentant,  re- 
store it  to  him ;  and  when  you  do  trust  him,  trust  him 
entirely.  Allusions  to  former  faults  have  a  dishearten- 
ing effect,  particularly  on  sensitive,  affectionate  children. 

Above  all  things,  never  suffer  a  child  to  be  accused 
of  a  fault,  until  ycu  are  perfectly  sure  he  has  been  guilty 
of  it.  If  he  is  innocent,  the  idea  that  you  could  think 
him  capable  of  wickedness  will  distress  him,  and  will  iu 
some  degree  weaken  the  strength  of  his  virtue.  I  would 
rather  lose  the  Pitt  diamond,  if  it  were  mine,  than  let 
an  innocent  child  know  he  had  been  for  one  moment 
suspected  of  stealing  it.  The  conscious  dignity  of  in- 
tegrity should  always  be  respected. 

While  speaking  of  punishments,  I  would  suggest  one 
caution.  Never  undertake  to  make  a  child  do  a  thing 
unless  you  are  very  sure  you  can  make  him  do  it. 
One  instance  of  successful  resistance  to  parental  author- 
ity will  undo  the  effects  of  a  year's  obedience.  If  a  boy 
is  too  bad  to  be  governed  by  any  other  means  than  flog- 
ging, and  is  too  strong  for  you,  do  not  attempt  to  man- 
age him  :  tell  his  father,  or  his  guardians,  of  his  disobe- 
dience, and  request  them  to  punish  him. 

Fear  should  on  no  occasion  be  used  as  a  preventive, 
or  a  punishment.  If  children  want  anything  improper 
for  them  to  have,  do  not  tell  them  it  will  bite  them.  It 
is  not  true  ;  and  the  smallest  child  will  soon  learn  by 
experience  that  it  is  not  true.  This  will  teach  him  to 
disbelieve  you,  when  you  really  do  tell  the  truth,  and 
will  soon  make  a  liar  of  him.  Care  should  be  taken  not 
to  inspire  a  terror  of  animals,  such  as  beetles,  mice,  spiders, 
&a  Fortunately  we  have  uo  venomous  creatures  iu 
4* 


32 

New-England,  wliich  are  likely  to  infest  the  nursery. 
As  for  spiders,  they  are  quite  as  likely  to  bite  a  child 
who  is  afraid  of  them,  as  one  who  is  not ;  and  if  such  a 
thing  should  happen,  a  little  swelling,  and  a  few  hours' 
pain,  are  not  half  as  bad  as  fear,  that  troubles  one  all 
his  life  long.  Children  would  never  have  fear  of 
animals,  unless  it  were  put  into  their  heads.  A  little 
girl  of  my  acquaintance  once  came  running  in  with  a 
striped  snake,  exclaiming  '  Oh,  what  a  beautiful  creature 
I  have  found !'  Her  mother  acknowledged  that  she 
shuddered,  because  she  had  herself  been  taught  to  fear 
snakes ;  but  she  knew  the  creature  would  not  hurt  her 
daughter,  and  she  would  not  allow  herself  to  express 
any  horror ;  she  merely  advised  her  to  set  the  animal 
at  liberty. 

Not  to  kill  any  animal,  seems  to  me  an  excess  of  a 
good  thing.  The  vermin  that  infest  our  houses  and 
gardens  must  be  destroyed,  and  children  must  see  them 
destroyed.  But  it  should  always  be  done  with  express- 
ed regret,  and  as  mercifully  as  possible.  The  expla- 
nation that  we  kill  them  to  prevent  the  evil  they  would 
do,  is  very  good,  and  very  satisfactory.  But  the  fact  is, 
there  are  very  few  creatures  in  this  climate  which  do  us 
harm ;  more  than  half  our  aversions  to  animals  are  mere 
prejudices. 

However,  it  is  not  evils  which  can  be  seen,  met,  and 
understood,  that  usually  frighten  children.  A  child  is 
told  that  fire  will  burn  him  if  he  touches  it,  and  if  he 
has  been  accustomed  to  the  truth,  he  believes  it ;  but 
he  will  slay  in  the  room  where  there  is  a  fire  without 
fear ;  for  he  knows  by  experience,  that  the  fire  cannot 
come  to  him.     But  they  are  frightened  with  mysterious 


the  mother's  book.  33 

ideas  of  something  in  the  dark — with  stories  of  old  men 
prowling  about  to  steal  them — rats  and  mice  that  will 
come  and  bite  them,  when  they  are  shut  up  in  the 
closet,  ke. 

I  cannot  find  language  strong  enough  to  express  what 
a  woman  deserves,  who  embitters  the  whole  existence 
of  her  offspring  by  filling  their  minds  with  such  terrific 
images.  She  who  can  tell  a  frightful  story  to  her  child, 
or  allow  one  to  be  told,  ought  to  have  a  guardian  ap- 
pointed over  herself. 

Let  us  examine  what  the  motives  must  be,  that  lead 
to  such  measures.  It  is  indolence — pure  indolence ; 
a  mother  is  not  willing  to  take  the  pains,  and  practise 
the  self-denial,  which  firm  and  gentle  management 
requires  ;  she  therefore  terrifies  her  child  into  obedience. 
She  implants  in  his  mind  a  principle  that  will,  in  all 
probability,  make  him  more  or  less  wretched  through 
his  whole  life,  merely  to  save  herself  a  few  moments' 
trouble  !  Very  strong  minds  may  overcome,  or  nearly 
overcome,  early  impressions  of  this  kind ;  but  in  cases 
of  weak  nerves,  or  acute  natural  sensibility,  it  is  utterly 
impossible  to  calculate  the  extent  of  the  evil.  And  all 
this  to  save  a  little  trouble  !     What  selfishness  ! 

However,  Divine  Providence  has  so  ordered  it,  that 
whatever  is  wrong,  is  really  bad  policy,  as  well  as  bad 
morality.  'Lazy  people  must  take  the  most  pains'  in 
the  end.  Fill  your  children  with  fears  to  make  them 
obedient,  and  those  very  fears  become  your  tyrants. 
They  cannot  go  into  the  dark  without  you  ;  and  you  must 
sit  by  their  bedside  till  sleep  relieves  them  from  terror. 
All  this  is  the  consequence  of  avoiding  a  little  trouble 
m  the  beginning.     Is  it  not  a  dear  price  for  the  whistle  ? 


34  the  mother's  book. 

The  management  of  children  should  vary  according 
to  their  character.  A  very  active  mind,  full  of  restless 
Curiosity,  does  not  need  to  he  excited ;  but  a  feeble  or 
sluggish  character  should  be  aroused,  as  much  as  possi- 
ble, by  external  means.  For  instance,  if  there  is  any 
wonderful  sight  to  be  seen  in  the  neighborhood,  such  as 
a  caravan  of  animals,  a  striking  picture,  wonderful  mech- 
anism, &tc,  and  if  it  be  inconvenient  for  you  to  take 
more  than  one  of  the  children  under  your  care,  let  the 
treat  be  given  to  the  one  whose  character  most  needs  to 
be  aroused.  Of  course,  I  do  not  mean  that  lazy  chil- 
dren should  be  entertained,  in  preference  to  industrious 
ones ;  I  mean  where  there  is  a  pre-disposition  to  dul- 
ness,  owing  to  early  disease,  an  afflicted  state  of  his 
mother's  mind  before  his  birth,  or  while  nursing  him, 
he  ; — in  such  cases,  the  thoughts  and  affections  should 
be  excited  with  an  extraordinary  degree  of  care.  A 
timid  child  should  be  encouraged  more  than  a  bold  and 
confident  one ;  and  if  necessary  to  punish  him,  means 
should  be  used  as  little  likely  to  break  his  spirit  as  pos- 
sible. A  boy  whose  perceptions  are  slow,  and  who 
learns  with  labor  and  difficulty,  should  be  indulged  in 
reading  a  new  book,  or  attending  to  a  new  branch  of 
study,  which  particularly  interests  him  ;  but  a  boy  of 
quick  perceptions,  and  ready  memory,  should  be  kept 
at  one  thing  as  long  as  possible.  Such  different  char- 
acters are  in  danger  of  totally  different  defects.  One 
is  in  danger  of  never  getting  his  mind  interested  in 
knowledge,  and  the  other  of  getting  so  much  interested 
in  everything,  that  he  will  learn  nothing  well ;  there- 
fore they  should  be  managed  in  a  manner  entirely 
opposite. 


.  e- 


the  mother's  book.  35 


The  same  rule  holds  good  with  regard  to  the  affec- 
tions :  cultivate  most  those  faculties  and  good  feelings, 
which  appear  to  be  of  the  slowest  growth.  If  a  love 
of  power  early  develope  itself  in  one  member  of  your 
family  with  more  strength  than  in  the  others,  subject 
that  child  to  more  restraint  than  you  do  the  others. 
But  in  checking  him,  do  not  yourself  act  from  a  love 
of  power :  explain  to  him,  at  every  step,  that  you  gov- 
ern him  thus  strictly,  only  to  assist  him  in  overcoming 
a  great  evil.  If  you  really  act  from  this  motive,  your 
child  will  perceive  it  to  be  true,  and  will  respect  you. 

There  is  such  an  immense  variety  in  human  charac- 
ter, that  it  is  impossible  to  give  rules  adapted  to  all 
cases.  The  above  hints  will  explain  my  general 
meaning ;  and  observation  and  experience  will  enable  a 
judicious  mother  to  apply  them  with  wisdom  and  kind- 
ness. I  will  merely  add  to  what  I  have  said,  the  old 
proverb,  that  *  An  ounce  of  prevention  is  worth  a  pound 
of  cure.' — If  a  child  has  any  evil  particularly  strong,  it 
is  far  better  to  avoid  exciting  it,  than  to  punish  it  when 
it  is  excited.  Whatever  may  be  the  consequences  of 
evil,  it  always  gains  fresh  power  over  us  by  every  in- 
stance of  indulgence.  As  much  as  possible,  keep  a 
young  child  out  of  the  way  of  temptation  which  it  is 
peculiarly  hard  for  him  to  resist;  and  by  reading,  by 
conversation,  by  caresses,  make  him  in  love  with  the 
opposite  good ;  when  once  his  feelings  are  right  on  the 
subject,  temptation  will  do  him  good  instead  of  harm. 

When  a  child  is  to  be  punished,  he  should  always  be 
told  calmly,  '  I  am  obliged  to  do  this  for  your  good.  If 
I  do  not  punish  you,  you  will  not  remember  next  time. 
You  have  promised  two  or  three  times  to  do  as  I  bade 


36  the  mother's  book. 

you,  but  you  always  forget  it;  now  I  must  make  you 
suffer  a  little,  that  you  may  remember  it.' 

A  very  young  child  can  understand  and  appreciate 
this  management.     I  knew  a  girl  of  five  years  old,  who 
had  the  habit  of  biting  her  nails  so  close,  that  her  fin- 
gers were  perpetually  inflamed.     Her  mother  had  tried 
arguments,  and  various   privations,  without    producing 
much  effect.     One  day,  the  child,  as  usual,  put  her  fin- 
gers   to  her  mouth,   to  bite    her   nails;  but   suddenly 
withdrawing  them,  she  came  up  to  her  mother's  writing 
table,  and  said,  *  Mother,  slap  my  hand  smartly  with 
your  ruler  every  time  I  bite  my  nails,  and  then  I  shall 
remember.'     Her  mother  did  as  she  was  desired,  say- 
ing, { I  hope  you  will  remember  now,  and  that   I  shall 
never  have  to  do  this  again.'     The  girl  winced  a  little, 
— for  her  mother  did  slap  her  smartly,  though  but  a 
very  kxv  times ;  but  she  seemed  perfectly  satisfied,  and 
said,  *  I  think  that  will  make   me  remember  it.' '  For 
several  days  afterward,  if  she  moved  her  fingers  to  her 
mouth,  she  would  look  at  the  writing  table  and  smile ; 
and  if  her  mother  perceived  her,  she  would  hold  up 
her  finger  -in  a  cautioning  manner,  and  smile  also.     All 
this   was   done   in  perfect  good-nature  on  both  sides. 
After  a  while  she  forgot  herself,  and  bit  her  nails  again ; 
her  mother  was  not  in  the  room  ;  but  she  went,  of  her 
own  accord,  and  avowed  the  fact,  saying,  '  Mother,  give 
me  a  few  more  slaps  than  you  did  before  ;  and  see  if 
that   will   make   me  remember  it  any  longer.'     After 
that,  she  never  needed  correction  for  the  same  fault 
This  little  girl  understood  the  real  use  of  punishment ; 
she  did  net  look  upon  it  as  *a  sign  of  anger,  but  as  a 
means   of  helping  her  to  overcome  what  was  wrong. 


37 

Mere  fear  of  suffering  never  makes  people  really- 
better.  It  makes  them  conceal  what  is  evil,  but  it  does 
not  make  them  conquer  it.     They  must  be  taught  to  * 

dislike  what  is  \wong  merely  because  it  is  wrong,  and 
to  look  upon  punishment  as  a  means  to  help  them  to 
get  1  id  of  it.  Does  sickness,  and  misery,  and  ruin  de- 
ter the  vicious  from  the  commission  of  sin?  Is  not 
theft  indulged  at  the  very  foot  of  the  gallows  ?  If  a 
man  do  not  hate  what  is  wrong,  the  mere  fear  of  conse- 
quences will  never  cleanse  his  heart,  though  it  may  reg- 
ulate his  outward  behavior;  and  what  will  mere  out- 
ward goodness  avail  him  in  another  world,  where  there 
is  no  possibility  of  concealment,  or  hypocrisy  ?  What  the 
child  is,  the  man  will  probably  be  ;  therefore  never  make 
the  avoidance  of  punishment  a  reason  for  avoiding  sin. 

Having  mentioned  that  a  mother  slapped  her  little 
girl  smartly,  I  shall  very  naturally  be  asked  if  I  approve 
of  whipping.  I  certainly  do  not  approve  of  its  very  fre- 
quent use ;  still  I  am  not  prepared  to  say  that  it  is  not 
the  best  punishment  for  some  dispositions,  and  in  some 
particular  cases.  I  do  not  believe  that  most  children, 
properly  brought  up  from  the  very  cradle,  would  need 
whipping  ;  but  children  are  not  often  thus  brought  up  ; 
and  you  may  have  those  placed  under  your  care  in 
whom  evil  feelings  have  become  very  strong.  I  think 
whipping  should  be  resorted  to  only  when  the  same 
wrong  thing  has  been  done  over  and  over  again,  and 
when  gentler  punishments  have  failed.  A  few  smart 
slaps  sometimes  do  good  when  nothing  else  will ;  but 
partiruhir  cue  should  be  taken  not  to  correct  in  anger. 

Punishments  which  make  a  child  ashamed  should  be 
avoided.     A  sense  of  degradation  is  not  healthy  for  the 


38  the  mother's  book. 

character.  It  is  a  very  bad  plan  for  children  to  be 
brought  into  a  room  before  strangers  with  a  foolscap, 
or  some  bad  name,  fastened  upon  them.  Indeed,  I 
think  strangers  should  have  as  little  as  possible  to  do 
with  the  education  of  children  ;  to  be  either  praised,  or 
mortified,  before  company,  makes  us  care  too  much 
about  the  opinion  of  others.  I  do  not  mean  to  incul- 
cate a  defiance  of  public  opinion  ;  such  contempt  springs 
from  no  good  feeling,  and  like  all  wrong  things,  is  nei- 
ther becoming,  nor  expedient.  The  approbation  of 
others  does  make  us  happy,  and  there  is  no  reason  why 
it  should  not ;  but  when  we  do  right  because  people 
will  approve  of  it,  we  begin  at  the  wrong  end.  If  we 
follow  conscientiously  what  we  perceive  to  be  good,  we 
shall  be  certain  never  to  be  misled ;  but  if  we  do  what 
others  think  right,  we  shall  follow  a  very  uncertain 
guide,  and  pollute  the  best  of  actions  with  a  wrong 
motive.  Nay,  worse  than  all,  we  shall  gradually  lose 
the  perception  of  what  is  right ;  and  if  folly  and  sin  are 
the  fashion,  we  shall  first  feel  that  they  are  fascinating, 
and  then  begin  to  reason  openly  (when  we  dare)  that 
there  is  no  harm  in  them. 

Nothing  is  a  safe  guide  but  the  honest  convictions  of 
our  own  hearts.  A  good  man  will  always  be  respected  ; 
but  he  cannot  be  really  good  because  he  shall  be 
respected  for  it.  Indeed  those  who  have  been  taught 
no  holier  motive  than  that  of  gaining  the  good  opinion 
of  others,  rarely  succeed  in  permanently  keeping  what 
they  covet  so  much.  The  heart  is  not  right;  and 
however  clean  they  may  try  to  keep  the  outside,  at 
some  unlucky  moment  hypocrisy  will  fail  them,  and 
their  real  character  will  peep  through. 


the  mother's  book.  39 

I 

You  may  tell  a  cross,  discontented  looking  woman 
that  the  world  would  like  her  face  a  great  deal  better, 
if  it  were  cheerful  and  benevolent ;  but  how  is  she  to 
alter  the  expression  of  her  face  ?  The  mere  selfish 
wish  to  be  pleasing  will  not  enable  her  to  do  it.  She 
must  begin  with  her  heart,  and  religiously  drive  from 
thence  all  unkind  and  discontented  feelings. 

What  a  change  would  take  place  in  the  world  if  men 
were  always  governed  by  internal  principle!  If  they 
would  make  pure  the  hidden  fountain,  the  light  might 
shine  upon  the  wandering  stream,  and  find  it  clear  and 
stainless  in  all  its  windings  ! 

I  have  heard  parents  say  to  children, '  If  you  don't  get 
your  lessons  better,  you  will  grow  up  a  dunce,  and  every- 
body will  laugh  at  you.1  The  thing  to  which  they  are 
urged  is  good,  but  the  motive  is  wrong.  If  young 
people  are  taught  to  regulate  their  actions  by  a  dread 
of  the  world's  laugh,  they  will  be  full  as  likely  to  be 
deterred  from  good,  as  from  evil.  It  would  be  much 
better  to  say,  '  If  you  grow  up  in  ignorance,  you  cannot 
do  half  as  unfit  good  in  the  world,  as  you  can  if  you 
gain  nil  the  knowledge  in  your  power.  NowT,  whita you 
are  young,  is  the  best  time  to  fit  yourself  for  being  useful.' 

I  once  heard  ahoy  say,  'Well,  mother,  I  got  a  grand 
-day.  Last  week  I  told  a  man  one  of  his  wagon 
wheels  was  coming  off;  and  when  I  was  walking  home 
from  school  to-day,  the  same  man  overtook  me,  and 
asked  me  to  get  in  and  ride.  You  always  told  me, 
if  I  helped  oih  would  help  me.1     This  is  a 

common  case.  Parents  arc  in  the  habit  of  telling  chil- 
dren, *  If  you  will  be  good,  you  will  lose  nothing  by  it.1 
is  poisoning  tin  act  in  the  motive.  It  is  not  true 
5 


40 

that  we  always  meet  a  return  for  kindness  and  generos- 
ity ;  they  who  expect  it  will  be  disappointed  ;  and  not 
being  accustomed  to  act  from  any  better  motive,  they 
will  cease  to  be  benevolent,  except  when  they  are  sure 
of  reward.  We  should  look  for  the  recompense  of 
goodness  in  our  own  hearts ;  there  we  shall  certainly 
find  it.  The  reward  is  in  keeping  the  commandments, 
not  for  keeping  them. 

Children  should  be  induced  to  kindness  by  such  mo- 
tives as  the  following :  '  God  is  very  good  to  us,  and 
ought  we  not  to  be  so  to  others  ?  The  Bible  tells  us 
to  do  to  others  as  we  would  be  done  by ;  and  you  know 
very  well  how  pleasant  it  is  when  you  are  in  trouble  to 
have  other  people  pity  you  and  help  you.  When  you 
do  good  to  others,  does  it  not  make  you  very  happy  ?' 

People  sometimes  double  a  boy's  lesson  because  he 
has  not  behaved  well.  This  is  a  very  bad  plan.  If 
his  book  is  used  as  a  punishment,  how  can  you  expect 
him  to  love  it  ?  For  the  same  reason,  never  tell  a  child 
he  shall  stay  at  home  from  school  if  he  is  good ;  diis 
gives  him  the  idea  that  going  to  school  is  a  task.  On 
the  contrary,  make  all  his  associations  with  school  as 
pleasant  as  possible.  Speak  of  the  kindness  of  the 
instructer  in  taking  so  much  pains  to  teach  him ;  en- 
courage him  in  telling  you  about  what  he  has  learned ; 
show  pleasure  at  the  progress  he  makes ;  and  tell  him 
how  useful  he  will  be  when  he  is  a  man,  if  he  continues 
so  industrious  and  persevering. 

Never  offer  money  as  a  reward  for  doing  right. 
Money  and  praise  become  necessary  if  once  habituated 
to  them ;  so  much  so,  that  it  is  impossible  to  act  without 
some  selfish  excitement.     Money  is  .the  worst  stimulus 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  41 

of  the  two ;  for  avarice  is  more  contemptible  and  inju- 
rious in  its  effects  than  a  too  earnest  desire  for  the  good 
opinion  of  odiers.  * 

At  the  same  time  guard  against  wastefulness  and 
prodigality.  Teach  children  to  be  very  economical — ■ 
never  to  cut  up  good  pieces  of  calico,  or  paper,  for  no 
purpose — never  to  tear  old  picture-books,  destroy  old 
playthings,  burn  twine,  or  spend  every  cent  they  receive 
for  cake  and  sugar-plums.  But  as  a  reason  for  not 
destroying,  tell  them  these  tilings  will  come  in  use. 
Encourage  them  in  laying  up  money  to  buy  an  orange 
for  a  sick  neighbor,  a  pair  of  shoes  for  a  poor  boy,  or  a 
present  to  surprise  his  sister  on  her  birth-day — anything, 
— no  matter  what, — that  is  not  for  himself  alone.  He 
will  thus  learn  the  value  of  money,  without  becoming 
selfish.  To  avoid  the  danger  of  engrafting  avarice  upon 
habits  of  care,  earnesdy  encourage  children  to  be  generous 
in  giving  and  lending  to  each  other  ;  and  show  peculiar 
delight  when  they  voluntarily  share  anything  of  which 
they  are  particularly  fond.  If  a  child  has  in  any  way 
acquired  a  tendency  to  parsimony,  take  extraordinary 
pains  to  make  him  feel  happy  when  he  has  been 
generous.  Praise  him  even  more  than  you  would  think 
safe  under  any  other  circumstances  ;  for  it  is  always 
prudent  to  assist  a  child  most  in  those  points  where  he 
is  the  weakest.  To  be  sure,  your  approbation  is  not 
the  best  motive  he  might  have  ;  but  it  is  better  than  the 
hope  of  public  applause  ;  and  moreover  it  is  the  best 
from  which  he  can  act,  until  he  gets  rid  of  his 
bad  habit.  Help  him  to  overcome  the  obstacle  which 
habit  has  thrown  in  his  way,  and  he  will  gradually  learn 
to  love  generosity  for  its  own  sake. 


42  the  mother's  book. 

Habits  of  carelessness,  such  as  leaving  things  lying 
about,  blotting  books,  reciting  in  a  jumbled  manner,  or 
jumping  hastily  at  incorrect  conclusions,  &c,  should  be 
resolutely  and  promptly  checked.  Defects  of  this  sort 
are  the  origin  of  numerous  evils.  Many  a  failure  in 
business,  many  a  disordered  household,  may  be  traced 
to  the  indulgence  of  these  habits  in  early  life.  I  speak 
feelingly  on  this  subject ;  for  years  of  self-education 
have  hardly  yet  enabled  me  to  cure  the  evil.  I  have 
made  mistakes  both  in  conversation  and  writing,  concern- 
ing things  which  I  knew  perfectly  well,  merely  from  an 
early  habit  of  heedlessness.  It  is  has  cost  me  much  mor- 
tification and  many  tears  ;  punishments  which  certainly 
have  improved  my  habits,  and  may  in  time  cure 
them. 

No  single  instance  of  carelessness  should  be  over- 
looked. If  a  little  girl  cannot  find  her  gloves,  or  her 
bonnet,  when  you  are  about  to  take  a  walk,  oblige  her 
to  stay  at  home.  Let  no  tears  and  entreaties  induce 
you  to  excuse  it.  I  dare  say,  it  may  sometimes  be  pain- 
ful to  you  to  pursue  this  course ;  but  for  your  child's 
sake,  have  resolution  enough  to  do  it. 

If  a  boy  loses  his  book,  and  cannot  therefore  get  his 
lesson  at  the  usual  time,  see  that  he  is  deprived  of  his 
play-hours  in  order  to  learn  it.  If  he  habitually  forgets 
his  book,  send  him  back  to  the  school-house  for  it,  even 
if  it  be  cold  weather,  and  a  great  distance. 

If  a  girl  is  always  losing  her  thimble,  do  not  lend 
her  one ;  let  her  hurt  her  finger  a  little  by  sewing  with- 
out one.  These  small  cruelties  in  the  beginning  will 
save  a  great  deal  of  future  suffering,  In  order  to  leave 
no  excuse  for  carelessness,  children  should  be  provided 


the  mother's  book.  43 

with  a  proper  phce  for  everything,  and  taught  always 
to  put  it  there,  as  soon  as  they  have  done  using  it. 

Perhaps  there  is  no  evil  into  which  children  so  easily 
and  so  universally  fall  as  that  of  lying. 

The  temptation  to  it  is  strong,  and  therefore  the  en- 
couragement to  veracity  should  be  proportionably  strong. 
If  a  child  breaks  anything  and  honestly  avows  it,  do  not 
be  angry  with  him.  If  candor  procures  a  scolding, 
besides  the  strong  effort  it  naturally  costs,  depend  upon 
it,  he  will  soon  be  discouraged.  In  such  cases,  do  not 
speak  till  you  can  control  yourself — say, '  I  am  glad  you 
told  me.  It  was  a  very  valuable  article,  and  I  am  truly 
sorry  it  is  broken ;  but  it  would  have  grieved  me  much 
more  to  have  had  my  son  deceive  me.'  And  having 
said  lliis,  do  not  reproachfully  allude  to  the  accident 
afterward.  I  was  about  to  say  that  children  should 
r  be  punished  for  what  was  honestly  avowed  ;  but 
perhaps  there  may  be  some  cases  where  they  will  do 
again  and  again  what  they  know  to  be  wrong,  from  the 
idea  that  an  avowal  will  excuse  them  ;  in  this  case,  they 
tell  the  truth  from  policy,  not  from  conscience ;  and 
they  should  be  reasoned  with,  and  punished.  How- 
ever, it  is  the  safe  side  to  forgive  a  good  deal,  rather 
thrui  run  any  risk  of  fostering  habits  of  deception. 
Should  you  at  any  time  discover  your  child  in  a  lie, 
trrat  it  with  great  solemnity.  Let  him  see  that  it 
grieves  you,  and  strikes  you  with  horror,  as  the  worst 
of  all  possible  faults.  Do  not  restore  him  to  your  confi- 
dence and  affection,  until  you  see  his  heart  is  really 
touched  by  repentance.  If  falsehood  becomes  a  habit 
with  him,  do  not  tempt  him  to  make  up  stories,  by  ask- 
in::  him  to  detail  all  thn  circumstances  connected  with 
5* 


44 

the  affair  he  has  denied.  Listen  coldly  to  what  he 
says,  and  let  him  see  hy  your  manner,  that  you  do  not 
ask  him  questions,  because  you  have  not  the  least  con- 
fidence id  his  telling  the  truth.  J$ut  remember  to  en- 
courage, as  well  as  discourage.  Impress  upon  his  mind 
that  God  will  help  him  to  get  rid  of  the  evil  whenever 
he  really  wishes  to  get  rid  of  it;  and  that  every  temp* 
tation  he  overcomes  will  make  the  next  one  more  easy. 
Receive  any  evidence  of  his  truth  and  integrity  with  de- 
light and  affection  ;  let  him  see  that  your  heart  is  full  of 
joy  that  he  has  gained  one  victory  over  so  great  a  fault. 

Let  your  family  never  hear  trifling  deceptions  glossed 
over  by  any  excuses  ;  speak  of  them  with  unlimited 
abhorrence  and  contempt. 

Above  all  things,  let  your  own  habits  be  of  the  strict- 
est truth.  Examine  closely  !  You  will  be  surprised  to 
find  in  how  many  little  things  we  all  act  insincerely.  I 
have  at  this  moment  in  my  memory  a  friend,  who  prob- 
ably would  be  very  indignant  to  be  told  she  did  not 
speak  the  truth  ;  and  I  dare  say,  on  all  that  she  deemed 
important  occasions,  she  might  be  relied  on  ;  yet  she 
did  deceive  her  children.  True,  she  thought  it  was 
for  their  good  ;  but  that  was  a  mistake  of  hers;  decep- 
tion never  produces  good.  I  one  evening  saw  her  re- 
move a  plate  of  plum-cake  from  the  tea-table  to  the 
closet.  Her  youngest  daughter  asked  for  a  piece  ;  the 
reply  was,  'It  is  all  gone. — Puss  came  and  ate  it  up  ;' 
at  the  same  time  the  mother  winked  to  a  little  girl,  two 
or  three  years  older,  not  to  tell  that  she  had  seen  her 
put  it  in  the  closet.  There  is  an  old  proverb  about  kill- 
ing two  birds  with  one  stone — here  two  daughters  were 
injured  by  one  lie.     The  youngest  was  deceived,  and 


the  mother's  book.  45 

the  oldest  was  taught  to  participate  in  the  deception. 
Mere  experience  would  soon  teach  the  little  girl  that  the 
cat  did  not  eat  the  cake  ;  and  having  found  that  her 
mother  would  lie,  she  would  in  all  probability  dispute 
her  even  when  she  spoke  the  truth.  And  after  all, 
what  use  is  there  in  resorting  to  such  degrading  expedi- 
ents ?  Why  not  tell  the  child,  'The  plum-cake  is  in 
the  closet ;  hut  it  is  not  good  for  you  at  night,  and  I 
shall  not  give  you  a  piece  until  morning?'  If  she  had 
been  properly  educated,  this  would  have  satisfied  her ; 
and  if  she  chose  to  be  troublesome,  being  put  to  bed 
without  her  supper  would  teach  her  a  lesson  for  the 
future. 

A  respect  for  the  property  of  others  must  be  taught 
children;  for  until  they  are  instructed,  they  have  very 
loose  ideas  upon  the  subject.  A  family  of  children 
cannot  be  too  much  urged  and  encouraged  to  be  gener- 
ous in  lending  and  giving  to  each  other ;  but  they 
should  be  taught  a  scrupulous  regard  for  each  other's 
property.  They  should  never  use  each  other's  things, 
without  first  asking,  '  Brother,  may  I  have  your  sled  ?' 
'  Sister,  may  I  haw  your  hook?'  &c.  They  should  be 
taught  to  put  them  carefully  in  place,  when  they  have 
using  them;  and  should  be  impressed  with  the 
idea  that  it  is  a  greater  fault  to  injure  anodier's  property, 
than  to  he  ciirtless  of  our  own.  If  any  little  barter  has 
■iiade,  and  a  dispute  afterwards  arises,  hear  both 
sides  with  perfect  impartiality,  and  allow  no  departure 
from  what  was  promised  in  the  bargain.  From  such 
little  thingj  as  these,  children  receive  their  first  ideas  of 
honesty  and  justice. 

Some  children,  from  errors  in  early  management,  get 


46  the  mother's  book. 

possessed  with  the  idea  that  they  may  have  everything. 
They  even  tease  for  things  it  would  he  impossible  to 
give  them.  A  child  properly  managed  will  seldom  ask 
twice  for  what  you  have  once  told  him  he  should  not 
have.  But  if  you  have  the  care  of  one  who  has  ac- 
quired this  habit,  the  best  way  to  cure  him  of  it  is  never 
to  give  him  what  he  asks  for,  whether  his  request  is 
proper  or  not ;  but  at  the  same  time  be  careful  to  give 
him  such  things  as  he  likes,  (provided  they  are  proper 
for  him,)  when  he  does  not  ask  for  them.  This  will 
soon  break  him  of  the  habit  of  teasing. 

I  have  said  much  in  praise  of  gentleness.  I  cannot 
say  too  much.  Its  effects  are  beyond  calculation,  both 
on  the  affections  and  the  understanding.  The  victims 
of  oppression  and  abuse  are  generally  stupid,  as  well  as 
selfish  and  hard-hearted.  How  can  we  wonder  at  it? 
They  are  all  the  time  excited  to  evil  passions,  and  no- 
body encourages  what  is  good  in  them.  We  might  as 
well  expect  flowers  to  grow  amid  the  cold  and  storms 
of  winter. 

But  gentleness,  important  as  it  is,  is  not  all  that  is  re- 
quired in  education.  There  should  be  united  with  it 
firmness — great  firmness.  Commands  should  be  rea- 
sonable, and  given  in  perfect  kindness  ;  but  once  given, 
it  should  be  known  that  they  must  be  obeyed.  I  heard 
a  lady  once  say,  *  For  my  part,  I  cannot  be  so  very 
strict  with  my  children.  I  love  them  too  much  to  punish 
them  every  time  they  disobey  me.'  I  will  relate  a 
scene  which  took  place  in  her  family.  She  had  but  one 
domestic,  and  at  the  time  to  which  I  allude,  she  was 
very  busy  preparing  for  company.  Her  children  knew 
by  experience  that  when  she  was  in  a  hurry  she  would 


the  mother's  book.  47 

indulge  them  in  anything  for  the  sake  of  having  them 
out  of  the  way.  George  began,  'Mother,  I  want  a 
piece  of  mince-pie.'  The  answer  was,  '  It  is  nearly 
bed-time  ;  and  mince-pie  will  hurt  you.  You  shall 
have  a  piece  of  cake,  if  you  will  sit  down  and  be  still.' 
The  boy  ate  his  cake  ;  and  liking  the  system  of  being 
hired  to  sit  still,  he  soon  began  again,  '  Mother,  I  want 
a  piece  of  mince-pie.'  The  old  answer  was  repeated. 
The  child  stood  his  ground,  '  Mother,  I  want  a  piece  of 
mince-pie — I  want  a  piece — I  want  a  piece,'  was  re- 
peated incessantly.  'Will  you  leave  off  teasing,  if  1 
gfo  you  a  piece?'  'Yes,  I  will, — certain  true.'  A 
small  piece  was  given,  and  soon  devoured.  With  his 
month  half  full,  he  began  again, '  1  want  another  piece — 
I  want  another  piece.'  'No,  George;  I  shall  not  give 
you  another  mouthful.  Go  sit  down,  you  naughty  boy. 
You  always  act  the  worst  when  I  am  going  to  have 
company.'  George  continued  his  teasing ;  and  at  last 
said,  '  If  you  don't  give  me  another  piece,  I'll  roar.' 
This  threat  not  being  attended  to,  he  kept  his  word. 
Upon  this,  the  mother  seized  him  by  the  shoulder,  shook 
him  angrily,  saying,  '  Hold  your  tongue,  you  naughty 
boy !'  '  I  will  if  you  will  give  me  another  piece  of  pie,' 
said  he.  Another  small  piece  was  given  him,  after  he 
lmd  promised  that  he  certainly  would  not  tease  any 
As  soon  as  he  had  eaten  it,  he,  of  course,  began 
:  and  with  the  additional  threat, '  If  you  don't  give 
me  a  piece,  I  will  roar  after  the  company  comes,  so 
loud  that  they  ran  all  hear  me.'  The  end  of  all  this 
was,  thajthe  boy  had  a  sound  whipping,  was  put  to 
bed,  and  could  not  sleep,  all  night,  because  the  mince- 
pie  ma  nach  ache.     What  an  accumulation  of 


* 


48 

evils  in  this  little  scene!  His  health  injured, — his 
promises  broken  with  impunity, — his  mother's  promises 
broken, — the  knowledge  gained  that  he  could  always 
vex  her  when  she  was  in  a  hurry, — and  that  he  could 
gain  what  he  would  by  teasing.  He  always  acted  upon 
the.  same  plan  afterward ;  for  he  only  once  in  a  while 
(when  he  made  his  mother  very  angry)  got  a  whipping ; 
but  he  was  always  sure  to  obtain  what  he  asked  for,  if 
he  teased  her  long  enough.  His  mother  told  him  the 
plain  truth,  when  she  said  the  mince-pie  would  hurt  him  ; 
but  he  did  not  know  whether  it  was  the  truth,  or  wheth- 
er she  only  said  it  to  put  him  off;  for  he  knew  that  she 
did  sometimes  deceive.  (She  was  the  woman  who 
said  the  cat  had  eaten  the  cake.)  When  she  gave  him 
the  pie,  he  had  reason  to  suppose  it  was  not  true  it  would 
hurt  him — else  why  should  a  kind  mother  give  it  to  her 
child  ?  Had  she  told  him  that  if  he  asked  a  second 
time,  she  should  put  him  to  bed  directly — and  had  she 
kept  her  promise,  in  spite  of  entreaties, — she  would  have 
saved  him  a  whipping,  and  herself  a  great  deal  of 
unnecessary  trouble.  And  who  can  calculate  all  the 
whippings,  and  all  the  trouble,  she  would  have  spared 
herself  and  him  ?  I  do  not  remember  ever  being  in  her 
house  half  a  day  without  witnessing  some  scene  of  con- 
tention with  the  children. 

Now  let  me  introduce  you  to  another  acquaintance. 
She  was  in  precisely  the  same  situation,  having  a  com- 
fortable income  and  one  domestic ;  but  her  children 
wTere  much  more  numerous,  and  she  had  had  very  limit- 
ed advantages  for  education.  Yet  she  managed  her 
family  better  than  any  woman  I  ever  saw,  or  ever  ex- 
pect to  see  again.      I  will  relate  a  scene  I  witnessed 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK.  49 

there,  by  way  of  contrast  to  the  one  I  have  just  described. 
Myself  and  several  friends  once  entered  her  parlor 
unexpectedly,  just  as  the  family  were  seated  at  the 
supper-table.  A  little  girl,  about  four  years  old,  was 
obliged  to  be  removed,  to  make  room  for  us.  Her 
mother  assured  her  she  should  have  her  supper  in  a 
very  little  while,  if  she  was  a  good  girl.  The  child 
cried ;  and  the  guests  insisted  that  room  should  be  made 
for  her  at  table.  '  No,'  said  the  mother  ;  *  I  have  told 
her  she  must  wait ;  and  if  she  cries,  I  shall  be  obliged 
to  send  her  to  bed.  If  she  is  a  good  little  girl,  she  shall 
have  her  supper  directly.'  The  cliild  could  not  make 
up  her  mind  to  obey ;  and  her  mother  led  her  out  of 
the  room,  and  gave  orders  that  she  should  be  put  to 
bed  without  supper.  When  my  friend  returned,  her 
husband  said,  '  Hannah,  that  was  a  hard  case.  The 
poor  child  lost  her  supper,  and  was  agitated  by  the  pres- 
ence of  strangers.  I  could  hardly  keep  from  taking  her 
on  my  knee,  and  giving  her  some  supper.  Poor  little 
tiling !  But  I  never  will  interfere  with  your  manage- 
ment ;  and  much  as  it  went  against  my  feelings,  I  en- 
tirely approve  of  what  you  have  done.'  'It  cost  me 
^Haggle,'  replied  his  wife ;  '  but  I  know  it  is  for  the 
good  of  the  child  to  be  taught  dtat  I  mean  exactly  what 

This  family  was  the  most  harmonious,  affectionate, 
happy  family  I  ever  knew.  The  children  were  man- 
aged as  easily  as  a  flock  of  lambs.  After  a  few  unsuc- 
cessful attempts  at  disobedience,  when  very  young,  they 
give  it  up  entirely ;  and  always  cheerfully  acted  from 
the  conviction  that  their  mother  knew  best.  This  fam- 
ily was  governed  with  great  strictness;    firmness  was 


#• 


50  the  mother's  book. 

united  with  gentleness.  The  indulgent  mother,  who 
said  she  loved  her  children  too  much  to  punish  them, 
was  actually  obliged  to  punish  them  ten  times  as  much 
as  the  strict  mother  did. 

The  husband's  remark  leads  me  to  say  something 
of  the  great  importance  of  a  perfect  union  between 
husband  and  wife.  A  want  of  this  in  education  is  like 
mildew  in  spring.  A  mother  should  never  object  to  a 
father's  punishing  a  child  when  he  thinks  proper ;  at 
least  she  should  not  do  it  before  the  child.  Suggestions 
to  each  other  may,  of  course,  be  made  in  all  the  free- 
dom of  mutual  respect  and  affection.  One  parent 
should  never  allow  a  child  to  do  what  the  other  has  for- 
bidden ;  no  expression  of  disapprobation  concerning 
management  should  ever  be  made  by  either  party,  ex- 
cept when  alone.  A  young  child  ought  never  to  sus- 
pect it  is  possible  for  his  parents  to  think  differently 
concerning  what  relates  to  his  education.  Perhaps  you 
will  ask,  if,  after  all  I  have  said  in  praise  of  truth,  I  ap- 
prove of  concealment  and  deception  in  this  particular. 
But  you  will  please  to  recollect  it  is  not  truth  which  I 
advise  to  have  concealed  in  this  instance ;  it  is  only  a 
difference  of  opinion.  The  child,  not  being  old  enough 
to  understand  the  reasons  why  his  parents  differ,  cannot 
receive  any  good  from  the  discussion.  Implicit  obedi- 
ence is  the  first  law  of  childhood.  The  simple  belief 
that  their  parents  know  what  is  best,  is  all  the  light  chil- 
dren have  to  follow,  at  first.  If  they  see  their  parents 
do  not  agree  between  themselves  as  to  what  is  right,  it 
naturally  weakens  their  confidence,  and  makes  them 
uncertain  which  they  ought  to  obey.  '  My  dear,  I  don't 
approve  of  your  management' — or,  'I  should  not  have 


*W 


THE 


BOOK.  51 


allowed  him  to  do  as  you  have  done ' — or,  *  Your  father 
may  approve  of  it,  but  I  don't ' — are  very  improper  and 
injurious  expressions.  If  you  differ  in  your  ideas  of 
education,  take  a  proper  opportunity  to  discuss  the 
matter  in  freedom  and  kindness ;  but  do  not  weaken  the 
respect  of  your  children  by  expressing  doubts  of  each 
other's  good  judgment  in  their  presence.  It  is  hardly 
possible  to  exaggerate  the  bad  effects  of  discord  between 
parents ;  and  the  blessed  influence  of  domestic  union 
may  well  be  compared  to  a  band  of  guardian  angels 
protecting  innocence  from  all  evil  things. 

If  your  marriage  has  been  an  unfortunate  one — if  the 
influence  of  a  father  may  not  be  trusted — or  if  he  de- 
lights in  thwarting  your  well-meant  endeavors — I  know 
not  what  to  say.  If  patience,  humility  and  love  cannot 
win  him  to  a  sense  of  duty,  the  only  thing  you  can  do, 
is  to  redouble  your  vigilance  for  the  good  of  your  chil- 
dren, and  as  far  as  possible  withdraw  them  from  his  in- 
fluence. Until  it  becomes  an  imperious  duty,  never 
speak  of  a  parent's  errors  ;  unless  there  is  great  danger 
of  their  being  imitated,  let  a  thick  veil  rest  upon  them. 
But  why  should  I  dwell  upon  a  case  so  unnatural,  so 
wretched,  and  so  hopeless  ?  If  such  be  your  unhappy  lot, 
pray  to  God,  and  he  will  give  you  light  to  make  the 
path  of  duty  clear  before  you.  He  alone  can  help  you. 
6 


w 


52 

CHAP.  V. 

PLAYTHINGS—  AMUSEMENTS.— EMPLOYMENTS. 

In  infancy,  the  principal  object  is  to  find  such  toys  as 
are  at  once  attractive   and  safe.     During  the   painful 


pai 


process  of  teething,  a  large  ivory  ring,  or  a  dollar  worn 
smooth,  are  good,  on  account  of  the  ease  they  give  the 
gums ;  they  should  be  fastened  to  a  string — but  not  a 
green  one,  or  any  other  from  which  a  babe  can  suck  the 
colors.  Some  people  think  nothing  so  good  for  teeth- 
ing children  as  a  large,  round  piece  of  India  rubber, 
from  which  it  is  impossible  to  bite  a  piece.  Painted 
toys  are  not  wholesome  at  this  age,  when  children  are  so 
prone  to  convey  everything  to  the  mouth.  A  bunch  of 
keys  is  a  favorite  plaything  with  babies.  Indeed  any- 
thing they  can  move  about,  and  cause  to  produce  a 
noise,  is  pleasant  to  them.  1  have  seen  infants  amuse 
themselves,  for  hours,  with  a  string  of  very  large  wooden 
beads,  or  shining  buttons ;  perhaps  it  is  needless  to  say 
that  no  buttons  but  steel,  wood,  or  ivory,  are  safe ;  if 
they  have  any  portion  of  brass  about  them,  they  are 
injurious :  another  caution,  perhaps  equally  unnecessary, 
is.  that  playthings  small  enough  to  be  swallowed  should 
be  tied  together  with  a  very  strong  string,  from  which  no 
color  can  be  extracted.  When  children  are  a  few 
months  older,  blocks  of  wood,  wThich  can  be  heaped  up 
and  knocked  down  at  pleasure,  become  favorite  play- 
things. A  pack  of  old  cards  are  perhaps  liked  still 
better,  on  account  of  their  bright  colors  and  pictured 
faces.     Such  toys  are  a  great  deal  better  than  expensive 


the  mother's  book.  53 

ones.  I  do  not  think  it  a  good  plan  to  give  children  old 
almanacs,  pamphlets,  &c,  to  tear  up.  How  can  they 
distinguish  between  the  value  of  one  book  and  another  ? 
Children,  who  have  been  allowed  to  tear  worthless 
books,  may  tear  good  ones,  without  the  least  idea  that 
they  are  doing  any  harm. 

As  soon  as  it  is  possible  to  convey  instruction  by  toys, 
it  is  well  to  choose  such  as  will  be  useful.  The  letters 
of  the  alphabet  on  pieces  of  bone  are  excellent  for  this 
purpose.  I  have  known  a  child  of  six  years  old  teach  a 
baby-brother  to  read  quite  well,  merely  by  playing  with 
his  ivory  letters.  In  all  that  relates  to  developing  the 
intellect,  veiy  young  children  should  not  be  hurried  or 
made  to  attend  unwillingly.  When  they  are  playing 
with  their  letters,  and  you  are  at  leisure,  take  pains  to 
tell  them  the  name  of  each  one,  as  often  as  they  ask ; 
but  do  not  urge  them.  No  matter  if  it  takes  them 
three  weeks  to  learn  one  letter;  they  will  not  want 
their  knowledge  in  a  hurry.  When  the  large  letters 
are  learned,  give  them  the.  small  ones.  When  both 
are  mastered,  place  the  letters  together  in  some  small 
word,  such  as  CAT ;  point  to  the  letters,  name  them, 
and  pronounce  cat  distinctly.  After  a  few  lessons, 
the  child  will  know  what  letters  to  place  together  in 
order  to  spell  cat.  Do  not  try  to  teach  him  a  new 
word,  until  he  is  perfectly  master  of  the  old  one;  and 
do  not  try  to  force  his  attention  to  his  letters,  when  he 
is  weary,  fretful  and  sleepy,  or  impatient  to  be  doing 
something  else.  In  this,  as  indeed  in  all  other  respects, 
an  infant's  progress  is  abundantly  more  rapid,  if  taught 
by  a  brother,  or  sister,  nearly  of  his  own  age.  The 
reason  is,  their  little  minds  are  in  much  the  same  state  as 


54 

their  pupil's  ;  they  are  therefore  less  liable  than  ourselves 
to  miscalculate  his  strength,  or  force  him  beyond  his 
speed.  Among  instructive  toys  may  be  ranked  balls 
arranged  together  so  as  to  be  counted. 

Every  step  of  infantile  progress  should  be  encouraged 
by  expressions  of  surprise  and  pleasure.  When  a  child 
is  able  to  spell  a  new  word,  or  count  a  new  number,  kiss 
him,  and  show  delight  at  his  improvement.  Sir  Ben- 
jamin West  relates  that  his  mother  kissed  him  eagerly, 
when  he  showed  her  a  likeness  he  had  sketched  of 
his  baby-sister;  and  he  adds, lThat  kiss  made  me  a 
painter! ' 

I  have  before  shown  that  the  same  rule  applies  to  the 
affections — that  it  is  better  to  encourage  what  is  right, 
than  to  punish  what  is  wrong.  Nothing  strengthens  a 
child  in  goodness,  or  enables  him  to  overcome  a  fault,  so 
much  as  seeing  his  efforts  excite  a  sudden  and  earnest 
expression  of  love  and  joy. 

For  children  of  two  or  three  years  old,  pictures  are 
great  sources  of  amusement  and  instruction.  Engrav- 
ings of  animals  on  large  cards  are  very  good  things.  It 
is  a  great  object  to  have  proportion  observed  ;  if  a  child 
have  a  very  small  picture  of  an  elephant,  and  a  very 
large  one  of  a  mouse,  it  will  lead  him  to  the  conclu- 
sion that  a  mouse  is  as  large  as  an  elephant.  Children 
should  be  encouraged  in  talking  about  the  engravings 
they  look  at ;  and  the  different  parts  should  be  point- 
ed out  and  explained  to  them.  Thus  if  a  palm-tree 
is  placed  near  the  picture  of  an  elephant,  the  attention 
should  be  drawn  to  it,  and  it  should  be  explained  to 
them  that  it  is  not  the  picture  of  any  tree  in  this  coun- 
try, (that  is,  in  New  England,)  but  that  in  Asia  and 


the  mother's  book.  55 

Africa,  where,  elephants  live,  palm-trees  are  very  com- 
mon. If  a  child  is  old  enough  to  understand  it,  some 
account  of  this  useful  tree  may  be  given  advantage- 
ously; he  can  be  told  that  it  yields  palm-oil,  palm- 
wine,  that  its  leaves  are  manufactured  into  fans,  &lc. 
But  if  he  is  not  old  enough  to  feel  interested  in  such 
an  account,  do  not  trouble  him  with  it.  The  object 
of  pointing  out  all  the  details  of  an  engraving,  and 
explaining  them,  when  they  differ  from  what  he  is 
accustomed  to  see,  is  merely  to  give  habits  of  obser- 
vation, and  arouse  a  spirit  of  inquiry. 

I  think  it  is  very  important  that  disproportioned,  badly 
drawn  pictures  should  not  be  placed  in  the  hands  of  chil- 
dren. No  matter  how  coarse  or  common  they  are,  but 
let  them  be  correct  imitations  of  nature ;  if  they  are 
graceful,  as  well  as  correct,  so  much  the  better.  Good 
taste  is  of  less  consequence  than  good  feelings,  good 
principles,  and  good  sense ;  but  it  certainly  is  of  conse- 
quence, and  should  not  uselessly  be  perverted  or  de- 
stroyed. I  believe  the  sort  of  pictures  children  are 
accustomed  to  see  have  an  important  effect  in  forming 
their  taste.  The  very  beggar-boys  of  Italy  will  observe 
a  defect  in  the  proportions  of  a  statue,  or  a  picture  ;  and 
the  reason  is,  that  fine  sculpture  and  paintings  are  in 
their  churches,  and  about  their  streets. 

Playthings  that  children  make  for  themselves  are  a 
great  deal  better  than  those  which  are  bought  for  them. 
They  employ  them  a  much  longer  time,  they  exercise 
ingenuity,  and  they  roally  please  them  more.  A  little 
girl  had  better  fashion  her  cups  and  saucers  of  acorns, 
than  to  have  JT^Bet  of  earthen  ones  supplied.  A  boy 
takes  ten  times  more  pleasure  in  a  little  wooden  sled  he 
f)* 


56 

has  pegged  together,  than  he  would  in  a  painted  and 
gilded  carriage  brought  from  the  toy-shop  ;  and  I  do  not 
believe  any  expensive  rocking-horse  ever  gave  so  much 
satisfaction,  as  I  have  seen  a  child  in  the  country  take 
with  a  long-necked  squash,  which  he  had  bridled  and 
placed  on  four  sticks.  There  is  a  peculiar  satisfaction 
in  inventing  things  for  one's  self.  No  matter  if  the  con- 
struction be  clumsy  and  awkward ;  it  employs  time 
(which  is  a  great  object  in  childhood),  and  the  pleasure 
the  invention  gives  is  the  first  impulse  to  ingenuity  and 
skill.  For  this  reason,  the  making  of  little  boats,  and 
mechanical  toys,  should  not  be  discouraged  ;  and  when 
any  difficulty  occurs  above  the  powers  of  a  child,  assist- 
ance should  be  cheerfully  given.  If  the  parents  are 
able  to  explain  the  principles  on  which  machines  are 
constructed,  the  advantage  will  be  tenfold. 

Cutting  figures  in  paper  is  a  harmless  and  useful 
amusement  for  those  who  are  old  enough  to  be  trusted 
with  scissors;  which,  by  the  way,  should  always  be 
blunt-pointed,  when  placed  in  the  hands  of  a  very 
young  child.  Any  glaring  disproportion  in  the  figures 
should  be  explained  to  a  child,  and  he  should  be  en- 
couraged to  make  his  little  imitations  as  much  like  nature 
as  possible.  There  is  at  present  a  little  boy  in  Boston, 
who  at  two  years  old  took  a  great  fancy  to  cutting  figures 
in  paper.  In  the  course  of  six  or  eight  years,  he 
actually  wore  out  five  or  six  pairs  of  scissors  in  the  ser- 
vice. He  cuts  with  astonishing  rapidity,  and  apparently 
without  any  thought ;  yet  he  will  produce  little  land- 
scapes, or  groups,  as  beautiful  and  spirited  as  the  best 
engravings.  At  first  he  began  by  copying  things  he  had 
before  him  ;  but  he  afterward  attained  to  so  much  skill, 


the  mother's  book.  57 

that  he  easily  invented  his  own  designs.  This  talent  has 
enabled  him  to  do  a  great  deal  for  the  support  of  his 
parents,  who  are  not  rich. 

Drawing  figures  on  a  slate  is  a  favorite  amusement 
with  children ;  and  it  may  prove  a  very  useful  one,  if 
pains  are  taken  to  point  out  errors,  and  induce  them  to 
make  correct  imitations.  Young  people  should  be  taught 
that  it  is  not  well  to  be  careless  in  doing  even  the  most 
trifling  things — that  whatever  is  worthy  of  being  done  at 
all,  is  worthy  of  being  well  done. 

Some  distinguished  writers  on  education  have  ob- 
jected to  dolls,  as  playthings  which  lead  to  a  love  of 
dress  and  finery.  I  do  not  consider  them  in  this  light. 
If  a  mother's  influence  does  not  foster  a  love  of  finery, 
I  think  there  is  very  little  danger  of  its  being  produced 
by  dressing  dolls.  I  like  these  toys  for  various  reasons. 
They  afford  a  quiet  amusement ;  they  exercise  ingenuity 
in  cutting  garments,  and  neatness  in  sewing ;  they  can  be 
played  with  in  a  prodigious  variety  of  ways ;  and  so  far 
as  they  exercise  the  afFections,  their  influence  is  innocent 
and  pleasant.  No  doubt  dolls  sometimes  excite  very 
strong  affection.  Miss  Hamilton  tells  of  a  little  girl, 
who  had  a  limb  amputated  at  the  hospital.  She  bore  the 
operation  with  great  fortitude,  hugging  her  doll  in  her 
arms  all  the  time.  When  it  was  completed,  the  surgeon 
playfully  said,  '  Now  let  me  cut  off  your  doll's  leg.' 
This  speech  produced  a  torrent  of  tears,  and  the  little 
creature  could  hardly  be  pacified.  She  had  borne  her 
own  sufferings  patiently,  but  she  could  not  endure  that 
her  doll  should  be  hurt.  I  know  that  this  tenderness 
for  inanimate  things  is  not  the  best  employment  for  ihe 
afFections ;  but  so  far  as  it  goes,  it  is  good.     For  the 


58  the  mother's  book. 

same  reason,  and  in  a  similar  degree,  I  think  pet  animals 
have  a  good  effect ;  but  care  should  be  taken  to  choose 
such  as  are  happy  in  a  domesticated  state.  I  cannot 
think  it  is  right  to  keep  creatures,  that  must  be  confined 
in  cages  and  boxes ;  no  pleasure  can  be  good,  which  is 
so  entirely  selfish. 

It  is  a  benefit  to  children  to  have  the  care  of  feeding 
animals,  such  as  lambs,  chickens,  &c.  It  answers  two 
good  purposes — it  excites  kindness,  and  a  love  of  use- 
fulness. 

Amusements  and  employments  which  lead  to  exer- 
cise in  the  open  air  have  greatly  the  advantage  of  all 
others.  In  this  respect,  I  would  make  no  diiFerence 
between  the  management  of  boys  and  girls.  Gardening, 
sliding,  skating,  and  snow-balling,  are  all  as  good  for 
girls  as  for  boys.  Are  not  health  and  cheerful  spirits  as 
necessary  for  one  as  the  other  ?  It  is  a  universal  remark 
that  American  women  are  less  vigorous  and  rosy,  than 
women  of  other  climates ;  and  that  they  are  peculiarly 
subject  to  disorders  of  the  chest  and  the  spine.  I 
believe  the  sole  reason  of  this  is,  that  our  employ- 
ments and  amusements  lead  us  so  little  into  the  open 
air. 

I  am  aware  that  many  people  object  to  such  plays  as 
1  have  recommended  to  girls,  from  the  idea  that  they  will 
make  them  rude  and  noisy.  I  do  not  believe  this  would 
be  the  case  if  the  influences  within  doors  favored  gen- 
tleness and  politeness ;  and  even  if  there  were  any 
danger  of  this  sort,  how  much  easier  it  is  to  acquire 
elegance  in  after  life,  than  it  is  to  regain  health !  When 
it  is  considered  what  a  loss  of  usefulness,  as  well  as 
comfort,  is  attendant  upon  ill  health,  Lthink  all  will  ng  ee 


the  mother's  book.  59 

that  a  vigorous  constitution  is  the  greatest  of  earthly 
blessings. 

When  I  say  that  skating  and  sliding  are  proper  amuse- 
ments for  girls,  I  do  not,  of  course,  mean  that  they  should 
mix  in  a  public  crowd.  Such  sports,  when  girls  unite 
in  them,  should  be  confined  to  the  inmates  of  the  house, 
and  away  from  all  possibility  of  contact  with  the  rude 
and  vicious.  Under  these  circumstances,  a  girl's  man- 
ners cannot  be  injured  by  such  wholesome  recreations. 
To  snow-ball,  or  slide,  with  well-behaved  brothers  every 
day,  cannot,  I  am  sure,  tend  to  make  a  girl  rude  and 
boisterous.  I  know  one  very  striking  instance  of  the 
truth  of  what  I  assert ;  and  no  doubt  the  memory  of 
my  readers  will  supply  similar  proofs.  Mrs.  John  Adams, 
wife  of  the  second  President  of  the  United  States,  and 
mother  of  the  sixth,  was  very  remarkable  for  the  ele- 
gance and  dignity  of  her  manners.  Even  amid  the 
splendor  of  foreign  courts,  she  was  considered  a  dis- 
tinguished ornament.  Yet  Mrs.  Adams  had  not  been 
brought  up  in  petted  indolence,  or  shut  from  the  sun  and 
air,  for  fear  of  injury  to  her  beauty,  or  her  gracefulness. 
She  was  a  capable,  active,  and  observing  woman;  and 
while  she  was  the  admiration  of  European  courts,  she 
knew  how  to  make  butter  and  cheese  as.well  as  any  woman 
mouth,  which  was  her  native  place.  In  the  latter 
part  of  her  life,  she  was  one  day  passing  the  home  of 
her  childhood,  in  company  with  an  intimate  friend  ;  she 
;,  and  looked  at  a  long  lane  near  the  house,  saying 
in  an  animated  tone,  '  O!),  how  many  hours  and  hours  I 
have  driven  hoop  up  and  down  that  lane  !*  As  might 
be  expected,  Mis.  Adams  enjoyed  a  hale  and  happy  old 
age.     Among  the  other  good  effects  of  her  example, 


60  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

she  has  left  a  practical  lesson  to  her  country-women,  that 
refined  elegance  is  perfectly  compatible  with  driving  hoop 
in  the  open  air. 

I  cannot  pass  over  the  subject  of  amusements,  with- 
out saying  something  in  relation  to  children's  balls  and 
parties.  I  do  not  believe  human  ingenuity  ever  invent- 
ed any  thing  worse  for  the  health,  heart,  or  happiness — 
any  thing  at  once  so  poisonous  to  body  and  soul.  I  do 
not,  of  course,  refer  to  a  social  intercourse  between  the 
children  of  different  families — that  should  be  encouraged. 
I  mean  regular  parties,  in  imitation  of  high-life — where 
children  eat  confectionary,  stay  late,  dress  in  finery,  talk 
nonsense,  and  affect  what  they  do  not  feel — -just  as  their 
elders  in  the  fashionable  world  do.  It  is  a  heart-sick- 
ening sight  to  see  innocent  creatures  thus  early  trained 
to  vanity  and  affectation.  In  mercy  to  your  children, 
trust  not  their  purity  and  peace  in  such  a  sickly  and 
corrupting  atmosphere.  '  Who  was  your  beau  last  night  ? 
said  a  girl  of  eight  years  old  to  another  of  ten.  '1 
danced  twice  with  George  Wells,'  was  the  reply.  '  Did 
you  wear  your  pink  sash,  or  your  blue  one?'  I  could 
have  wept  in  very  pity  for  the  guileless  young  creatures, 
into  whose  cup  of  life  poison  had  been  so  early  poured ! 
I  speak  the  more  earnestly  on  this  subject,  because  it 
has  become  so  general  a  habit  with  all  classes  of  people 
to  indulge  children  in  balls  and  parties. 

As  for  dancing,  within  and  of  itself,  I  see  no  objection 
to  it.  It  is  a  healthy,  innocent,  and  graceful  recreation. 
The  vanity  and  dissipation,  of  which  it  has  usually  been 
the  accompaniment,  have  brought  it  into  disrepute  with 
the  conscientious.  Hut  if  dancing  be  made  to  serve  the 
purpose,  which   all   accomplishments  .should   serve, — 


61 

that  of  ministering  to  the  pleasure  of  father,  mother, 
brothers,  sisters  and  friends, — it  is  certainly  innocent  and 
becoming.  I  do  not  mean  to  imply  that  it  is  wrong  to 
dance  anywhere  else  but  at  home. — I  simply  mean  that 
girls  should  not  learn  an  accomplishment  for  the  purpose 
of  display  among  strangers.  Let  them  learn  anything 
which  your  income  allows  (without  a  diminution  of 
comfort  or  benevolence) — but  teach  them  to  acquire  it 
as  a  means  of  future  usefulness,  as  a  pleasant  resource, 
or  for  the  sake  of  making  home  agreeable — not  with  the 
hope  of  exciting  admiration  abroad. 

It  is  very  important,  and  very  difficult,  to  furnish 
young  children  with  sufficient  employment.  What  we 
call  a  natural  love  of  mischief,  is  in  fact  nothing  but  ac- 
tivity. Children  are  restless  for  employment ;  they 
must  have  something  to  do ;  and  if  they  are  not  furnished 
with  what  is  useful  or  innocent,  they  will  do  mischief. 
No  one  who  has  not  lived  with  a  family  of  children  can 
conceive  how  very  difficult  it  is  to  keep  a  child  of  five 
or  six  years  old  employed.  It  is  a  good  plan  to  teach 
little  girls  to  knit,  to  weave  bobbin,  watchguards,  chains, 
&c.  Making  patchwork  is  likewise  a  quiet  amusement ; 
and  if  a  child  be  taught  to  fit  it  herself,  it  may  be  made 
really  useful.  If  the  corners  are  not  fitted  exactly,  or 
the  sewing  done  neatly,  it  should  be  taken  to  pieces  and 
fitted  again ;  for  it  is  by  inattention  to  these  little  things 
that  habits  of  carelessness  are  formed.  On  no  occasion 
whatever  should  a  child  be  excused  from  finishing  what 
she  has  begun.  The  custom  of  having  half  a  dozen 
tilings  on  hand  at  once,  should  not  be  tolerated.  Every- 
thing should  be  finished,  and  well  finished.  It  ought  to 
be  considered  a  disgrace  to  give  up  anything,  after  it  is 


62  the  mother's  book. 

once  undertaken.  Habits  of  perseverance  are  of  incal- 
culable importance ;  and  a  parent  should  earnestly  im- 
prove the  most  trifling  opportunities  of  impressing  this 
truth.  Even  in  so  small  a  tiling  as  untying  a  knot,  a 
boy  should  be  taught  to  think  it  unmanly  to  be  either 
impatient  or  discouraged. 

Always  encourage  a  child  in  fitting  her  own  work,  and 
arranging  her  own  playthings.  Few  things  are  more  val- 
uable, in  this  changing  world,  than  the  power  of  taking 
care  of  ourselves.  It  is  a  useful  thing  for  children  to 
make  a  little  shirt  exactly  after  the  model  of  a  large  one, 
fitting  all  the  parts  themselves,  after  you  have  furnished 
them  with  a  model  of  each  part  in  paper.  Knitting 
may  be  learned  still  earlier  than  sewing.  I  am  sorry  to 
see  this  old  fashioned  accomplishment  so  universally  dis- 
carded. It  is  a  great  resource  to  the  aged  ;  and  women, 
in  all  situations  of  life,  have  so  many  lonely  hours,  that 
they  cannot  provide  themselves  with  too  many  resources 
in  youth.  For  this  reason  I  would  indulge  girls  in 
learning  anything  that  did  not  interfere  with  their  duties, 
provided  I  could  afford  it  as  well  as  not  ;  such  as  all 
kinds  of  ornamental  work,  boxes,  baskets,  purses,  he. 
Every  new  acquirement,  however  trifling,  is  an  additional 
irsource  against  poverty  and  depression  of  spirits. 

The  disposition  to  help  others  should  be  cherished 
as  much  as  possible.  Even  very  little  children  are 
happy  when  they  think  they  are  useful.  '  I  can  do  some 
good,  can't  I,  mother?'  is  one  of  the  first  questions  asked. 
To  encourage  this  spirit,  indulge  children  in  assist- 
ing you,  even  when  their  exertions  are  full  as  much 
trouble  as  profit.  Let  them  go  out  with  their  little  bas- 
ket, to  weed  the  garden,  to  pick  peas  for  dinner,  to  foed 


63 

the  chickens,  &c.  It  is  true  they  will  at  first  need  con- 
stant overseeing,  to  prevent  them  from  pulling  up  flowers 
as  well  as  weeds ;  but  then  it  employs  them  innocently, 
and  makes  them  happy ;  and  if  dealt  gently  with,  they 
soon  learn  to  avoid  mistakes.  In  the  house,  various  things 
may  be  found  to  employ  children.  They  may  dust  the 
chairs,  and  wipe  the  spoons,  and  teach  a  younger  brother 
his  lessons,  &c.  As  far  as  possible  keep  children  always 
employed — either  sewing,  or  knitting,  or  reading,  or 
playing,  or  studying,  or  walking.  Do  not  let  them  form 
habits  of  listlessness  and  lounging.  If  they  endeavor  to 
assist  you,  and  do  mischief  while  they  are  really  trying  to 
do  their  best,  do  not  scold  at  them  ;  merely  explain  to 
them  how  they  should  have  gone  to  work,  and  give  them 
a  lesson  of  carefulness  in  future. 

As  girls  grow  older,  they  should  be  taught  to  take  the 
entire  care  of  their  own  clothes,  and  of  all  the  light  and 
easy  work  necessary  in  their  own  apartments. 

I  have  said  less  about  boys,  because  it  is  not  so  diffi- 
cult to  find  employment  for  them  as  for  girls.     The  same 
general  rules  apply  to  both.     Boys  should  be  allowed  to 
assist  others,  when  they  possibly  can,  and  should  be  en- 
couraged in  all  sorts  of  ingenious  experiments  not  abso- 
lutely mischievous.     In  general  it  is  a  good  rule  to  learn 
whatever  we  can,  without  interfering  with  our  duties. 
uul-mother  used  to  say,  '  Lay  by  all  scraps  and 
fragments,  and  they  will  be  sure  to  come  in  use  in  seven 
years.'     I  would  make  the  same  remark  with  regard  to 
and  fragments  of  knowledge.     It  is  impossible  for 
us  to  foresee  in  youth,  what  will  be  the  circumstances 
of  our  after  lift",  the  kind  of  information,  which  at  one 
of  very  little  use  to  us,  may 


64 

become  very  important.  If  I  happened  to  be  thrown 
into  the  society  of  those  who  excelled  in  any  particular 
branch,  I  would  gain  all  the  information  I  could,  without 
being  obtrusive.  No  matter  whether  it  be  poetry,  or 
puddings, — making  shoes,  or  making  music, — riding  a 
horse,  or  rearing  a  grape-vine  ; — it  is  well  to  learn  what- 
ever comes  in  one's  way,  provided  it  does  not  interfere 
with  the  regular  discharge  of  duty.  It  was  a  wa*i«i** 
with  the  great  Sir  William  Jones,  'never  .to  lose  fl/w  i>0» 
portunity  of  learning  anything.' 


CHAP.  VI. 

THE  SABBATH.  — RELIGION. 

It  is  a  great  misfortune  for  people  to  imbibe,  in  the 
days  of  childhood,  a  dislike  of  the  Sabbath,  or  a  want 
of  reverence  for  its  sacred  character.  Some  parents, 
from  a  conscientious  wish  to  have  the  Sabbath  kept 
holy,  restrain  children  in  the  most  natural  and  innocent 
expressions  of  gayety — if  they  laugh,  or  jump,  or  touch 
their  play-things,  they  are  told  that  it  is  wicked  to  do 
so,  because  it  is  Sunday. — The  result  of  this  excessive 
strictness  is  that  the  day  becomes  hateful  to  them.  They 
learn  to  consider  it  a  period  of  gloom  and  privation ; 
and  the  Bible  and  the  church  become  distasteful,  be- 
cause they  are  associated  with  it.  A  little  girl  of  my 
acquaintance,  in  the  innocence  of  her  heart,  once  made 
an  exclamation,  which  showed  what  she  really  thought 
of  Sunday.     She  had  long  been  very  anxious  to  go  to 


the  mother's  book.  65 

the  theatre  ;  and  when  she  was  about  six  or  seven  years 
old,  her  wish  was  very  injudiciously  gratified.  The  after- 
piece happened  to  be  Der  Freyschutz,  a  horrible  Ger- 
man play,  in  which  wizards,  devils,  and  flames  are  the 
principal  agents.  The  child's  terror  increased  until  her 
loud  sobs  made  it  necessary  to  carry  her  home.  *  What 
is  the  matter  with  my  darling?  asked  her  grandmother 
— Don't  she  love  to  go  to  the  theatre  ?'  ■  Oh,  grand- 
mother !'  exclaimed  the  sobbing  child, '  it  is  a  great  deal 
worse  than  going  to  meeting !'  My  motive  in  men- 
tioning this  anecdote  will  not,  of  course,  be  misunder- 
stood. Nothing  is  farther  from  my  intentions  than 
to  throw  ridicule  upon  any  place  of  worship.  It  is 
merely  introduced  to  show  that  Sunday  was  so  unpleas- 
antly associated  in  the  child's  mind,  as  to  make  her  in- 
voluntarily compare  it  with  anything  disagreeable  or 
painful ;  being  restrained  at  home  every  moment  of  the 
day,  made  the  necessary  restraint  at  church  irksome  to 
her;  whereas  with  proper  management  it  might  have 
been  a  pleasant  variety. 

Some  parents,  on  the  other  hand,  go  to  the  opposite 
extreme ;  and  from  the  fear  of  making  the  Sabbath 
gloomy,  they  make  no  distinction  between  that  and 
other  days.  This  is  the  more  dangerous  extreme  of  the 
two.  A  reverence  for  the  Sabbath,  even  if  it  be  a  mere 
matter  of  habit,  and  felt  to  be  a  restraint,  is  very  much 
better  than  no  feeling  at  all  upon  the  subject.  But  it 
appears  to  me  that  a  medium  between  tfte  two  extremes 
is  both  easy  and  expedient.  Children  under  five  or  six 
years  old  cannot  sit  still  and  read  all  day ;  and  being 
impossible,  it  should  not  be  required  of  them.     They 


66 

may  be  made  to  look  on  a  book,  but  they  cannot  be 
made  to  feel  interested  in  it,  hour  after  hour.  Child- 
hood is  so  restless,  so  active,  and  so  gay,  that  such  re- 
quirements will  be  felt  and  resisted  as  a  state  of  bondage. 
Moreover,  if  a  child  is  compelled  to  keep  his  eyes  on  a 
book,  when  he  does  not  want  to  read,  it  will  early  give 
the  impression  that  mere  outward  observances  constitute 
religion.  It  is  so  much  easier  to  perform  external  cere- 
monies than  it  is  to  drive  away  evil  feelings  from  our 
hearts,  that  mankind  in  all  ages  have  been  prone  to  trust 
in  them.  They  who  think  they  are  religious  merely  be- 
cause they  attend  church  regularly,  and  read  a  chapter  in 
the  Bible  periodically,  labor  precisely  under  the  same 
mistake  as  the  Mahometan,  who  expects  to  save  his  soul, 
by  travelling  barefoot  to  Mecca,  or  the  East  Indian 
Fakir,  who  hangs  with  his  head  downward  several 
hours  each  day,  in  order  to  prove  his  sanctity.  There 
is  no  real  religion  that  does  not  come  from  the  heart ; 
outward  observances  are  worth  nothing  except  they 
spring  from  inward  feeling.  In  all  ages  and  countries 
we  find  men  willing  to  endure  every  species  of  privation 
and  suffering,  nay,  even  death  itself,  for  the  sake  of 
going  to  heaven ;  but  very  few  are  willing  that  the 
Lord  should  purify  their  hearts  from  selfish  feelings. 
Like  the  leper  of  old  they  are  willing  to  do  some  great 
thing,  but  they  will  not  obey  the  simple  injunction  to 
'  wash  and  be  clean.' 

This  tendency  to  trust  in  what  is  outward  is  so  strong 
in  human  nature  that  great  care  should  be  taken  not  to 
strengthen  it  by  education.  Children  should  always  be 
taught  to  judge  whether  their  actions  are  right,  by  the 


67 

motives  which  induced  the  actions.  Religion  should 
be  made  as  pleasant  as  possible  to  their  feelings,  and  all 
particular  rules  and  prohibitions  should  be  avoided. 

Quiet  is  the  first  idea  which  a  young  child  can  receive 
of  the  Sabbath ;  therefore  I  would  take  no  notice  of  his 
playing  with  his  kitten,  or  his  blocks,  so  long  as  he  kept 
still.  If  he  grew  noisy,  I  should  then  say  to  him,  '  You 
must  not  make  a  noise  to-day ;  for  it  is  the  Sabbath 
day,  and  I  wish  to  be  quiet,  and  read  good  books.  If 
you  run  about,  it  disturbs  me.' 

I  make  these  remarks  with  regard  to  very  young 
children.  As  soon  as  they  are  old  enough  to  read  and 
take  an  interest  in  religious  instruction,  I  would  have 
playthings  put  away ;  but  I  would  not  compel  them  to 
refrain  from  play,  before  I  gave  them  something  else  to 
interest  their  minds.  I  would  make  a  difference  in  their 
playthings.  The  noisy  rattle  and  the  cart  which  have 
amused  them  during  the  week,  should  give  place  to 
picture-books,  the  kitten,  little  blocks,  or  any  quiet 
amusement. 

If  the  heads  of  a  family  keep  the  Sabbath  with  sobri- 
ety and  stillness,  the  spirit  of  the  day  enters  into  the 
hearts  of  the  children.  I  have  seen  children  of  three 
and  four  years  old,  who  were  habitually  more  quiet  on 
Sunday  than  on  any  other  day,  merely  from  the  soothing 
influence  of  example. 

A  child  should  be  accustomed  to  attend  public  worship 
as  early  as  possible ;  and  the  walk  to  and  from  church 
should  be  made  pleasant,  by  calling  his  attention  to 
agreeable  objects.  When  his  little  heart  is  delighted 
with  the  lamb,  or  the  dove,  or  the  dog,  or  the  flower, 
)  ou  have  pointed  out  to  him,  take  that  opportunity  to 
7* 


68 

tell  him  God  made  all  these  things,  and  that  he  has 
provided  everything  for  their  comfort,  because  he  is 
very  kind.  We  are  too  apt  to  forget  God,  except  in 
times  of  affliction,  and  to  remind  children  of  him  only 
during  some  awful  manifestation  of  his  power ;  such  as 
thunder,  lightning  and  whirlwind.  It  certainly  is  proper 
to  direct  the  infant  thoughts  to  him  at  such  seasons ;  but 
not  at  such  seasons  only.  A  tempest  produces  a  natural 
feeling  of  awe,  which  should  never  be  disturbed  by 
jesting  and  laughter;  emotions  of  dependence  and 
reverence  are  salutary  to  mortals.  But  we  should  speak 
of  God  often  in  connexion  with  everything  calm  and 
happy.  We  should  lead  the  mind  to  dwell  upon  his 
infinite  goodness  ;  that  he  may  indeed  be  regarded  as  a 
Heavenly  Father. 

An  early  habit  of  prayer  is  a  blessed  thing.  I  would 
teach  it  to  a  child  as  soon  as  he  could  lisp  the  words. 
At  first,  some  simple  form  must  be  used,  like,  l  Now  I 
lay  me  down  to  sleep ;'  but  as  children  grow  older,  it  is 
well  to  express  themselves  just  as  they  feel.  A  little 
daughter  of  one  of  my  friends,  when  undressed  to  go  to 
bed,  knelt  down  of  her  own  accord,  and  said,  '  Our 
Father,  who  art  in  heaven,  forgive  me  for  striking  my 
little  brother  to-day,  and  help  me  not  to  strike  him 
again  ;  for  oh,  if  he  should  die,  how  sorry  I  should  be 
that  I  struck  him !'  Another  in  her  evening  prayer 
thanked  God  for  a  little  sugar  dog,  that  had  been  given 
her  in  the  course  of  the  day.  Let  it  not  be  thought  for 
a  moment  that  there  is  any  irreverence  in  such  prayers 
as  these  coming  from  little  innocent  hearts.  It  has  a 
blessed  influence  to  look  to  God  as  the  source  of  all  our 
enjoyments ;   and  as  the  enjoyments  of  a  child  must 


the  mother's  book.  69 

necessarily  be  childish,  it  is  sincere  and  proper  for  them 
to  express  gratitude  in  this  way. 

While  I  endeavored  to  make  Sunday  a  very  cheerful 
day,  I  would  as  far  as  possible  give  a  religious  character 
to  all  its  conversation  and  employments.  Very  young 
children  will  become  strongly  interested  in  the  Bible, 
if  it  is  read  to  them,  or  they  are  suffered  to  talk  about  it. 
They  will  want  to  hear,  for  the  hundredth  time,  about 
the  little  boy  who  said  to  his  father,  '  My  head !  My 
head  !'  They  will  tell  over  to  each  other  with  a  great 
deal  of  delight,  how  he  died,  and  was  laid  on  his  little 
bed,  and  how  the  prophet  lay  down  with  him,  and 
restored  him  to  life ;  and  how  the  little  boy  sneezed 
seven  times. 

The  story  of  Joseph,  of  Samuel,  of  David,  of  the 
meeting  of  Isaac  and  Rebecca  at  the  Well,  are  very 
attractive  to  children.  It  is  the  first  duty  of  a  mother 
to  make  the  Bible  precious  and  delightful  to  her  family. 
In  order  to  do  this,  she  must  choose  such  parts  as  are 
best  suited  to  their  capacities ;  talk  to  them  about  it  in 
a  pleasant  and  familiar  style ;  and  try  to  get  their  little 
minds  interested  in  what  they  read.  If  made  to  spell 
out  a  chapter  in  a  cold,  formal  manner,  and  then  told  to 
go  and  sit  down  and  be  still,  they  will  take  no  interest 
in  the  Bible  ;  nor  would  they,  by  such  means,  take  an 
interest  in  anything. 

At  no  period  of  life  should  people  hear  the  Bible 
spoken  lightly  of,  or  any  passage  quoted  in  jest; 
thoughtlessness  in  this  respect  does  great  mischief  to 
ourselves  and  others.  There  cannot  be  a  worse  prac- 
ui  that  of  making  a  child  commit  a  chapter  of 
the  Scriptures  as  a  punishment  for  any  offence.     At 


•r 


70  THE   MOTHER'S   BOOK. 

some  schools,  the  Bible  (being  the  heaviest  book  to  be 
found)  is  held  at  arm's  length  till  the  little  culprit  gets 
so  weary,  that  he  would  gladly  throw  the  volume 
across  the  room. — This  is  very  injudicious.  In  no  way 
whatever  should  the  Bible  be  associated  with  anything 
disagreeable. 

A  little  hymn  every  Sabbath  is  a  pleasant  and  profit- 
able lesson  ;  and  if  it  is  simple  enough  to  be  understood, 
the  child  will  amuse  himself  by  repeating  it  through  the 
week.  Some  of  the  very  strongest  impressions  of  child- 
hood are  made  by  the  hymns  learned  at  an  early  age : 
therefore,  parents  should  be  careful  what  kind  of  ones 
are  learned.  They  should  first  read  them  themselves, 
and  think  carefully  what  impressions  of  God,  religion, 
and  death,  they  are  likely  to  convey. 

As  children  grow  older,  you  may  add  to  their  interest 
in  the  Scriptures  by  accounts  of  Palestine,  and  of  the 
customs  of  the  Jews.  Helon's  Pilgrimage  to  Jerusa- 
lem is  a  good  book  for  this  purpose.  Maps,  on  which 
the  travels  of  our  Saviour  and  the  Apostles  may  be 
traced  are  excellent  for  Sunday  lessons.  Such  means 
as  these  give  an  interest  to  religious  instruction,  and 
prevent  it  from  becoming  a  task.  Perhaps  some  parents 
will  be  ready  to  say  that  their  own  education  has  not 
fitted  them  for  thus  assisting  their  children ;  but  surely 
books  and  maps  are  cheap,  and  whoever  has  common 
sense,  and  the  will  to  learn,  cannot  fail  to  understand 
them.  As  for  the  expense,  it  is  better  to  give  your 
child  right  feelings  and  enlightened  ideas,  than  to  give 
him  dollars.  You  may  leave  him  a  large  sum  of  money, 
but  he  cannot  buy  happiness  with  it,  neither  can  he  buy 
a  good  heart,  or  a  strong  mind;  but  if  his  feelings  are 


I  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  71 

correct  and  his  understanding  cultivated,  he  will  as- 
suredly be  happy,  and  will  be  very  likely  to  acquire  a 
competency  of  the  good  things  of  this  world. 

In  order  to  relieve  the  tediousness  of  too  much  read- 
ing and  studying,  it  is  a  good  plan  for  parents  to  walk 
with  children  on  Sabbath  afternoon,  for  the  purpose  of 
drawing  their  attention  to  the  works  of  God,  and 
explaining  how  his  goodness  extends  over  all  things. 
The  structure  of  a  bird's  nest  may  be  made  to  convey 
religious  instruction,  and  inspire  religious  feeling,  as  well 
as  a  hymn.  For  this  reason,  books  which  treat  of  the 
wonderful  mechanism  of  the  eye  and  the  ear,  the  pro- 
visions for  the  comfort  of  animals,  and  the  preservation 
of  plants — in  a  word,  all  that  leads  the  mind  to  dwell 
upon  the  goodness  and  power  of  God, — are  appropriate 
books  for  Sunday,  and  may  be  read,  or  studied,  to  great 
advantage,  when  children  are  old  enough  to  understand 
them. 

But  after  all,  religion  is  not  so  much  taught  by  lessons, 
as  it  is  by  our  examples,  and  habits  of  speaking,  acting, 
and  thinking.  It  should  not  be  a  garment  reserved  only 
for  Sunday  wear ;  we  should  always  be  in  the  habit  of 
referring  everything  to  our  Father  in  heaven.  If  a 
child  is  reminded  of  God  at  a  moment  of  peculiar  hap- 
piness, and  is  then  told  to  be  grateful  to  Him  for  all  his 
enjoyments,  it  will  do  him  more  good  than  any  words 
he  can  learn.  To  see  the  cherry-stone  he  has  planted 
beroinin^  a  tree,  and  to  be  told  that  God  made  it  grow, 
will  make  a  more  lively  impression  on  his  mind,  than 
could  be  produced  by  any  lesson  from  a  book.  The 
Friends  say  every  day  should  be  Sunday  ;  and  certainly 
no  day  should  pass  without  using  some  of  the  opportuni- 


72  the  mother's  book. 





ties,  which  are  always  occurring,  of  leading  the  heart 
to  God. 

To  catechisms  in  general  I  have  an  aversion.     I  think 
portions  of  the  Bible  itself  are  the  best  things  to   be 
learned  ;  and  something  may  be  found  there  to  interest 
all  ages.     Cummings'  Questions  in  the  New  Testament 
appear  to  me  better  than  anything  of  the  kind  ;  because 
the  answers  are  to  be  found  in  the  Bible  itself;  but  even 
in  this  I  would  blot  out  all  answers  given  by  the  writer — 
I  would  have  children  learn  nothing  of  men,  but  every- 
thing from    God.     It  is  important  that   Bible   lessons 
should  be  accompanied  with  familiar  and  serious  conver- 
sation with  parents;  it  interests  a  child's  feelings,  and 
enlightens  his  understanding.     Perhaps  some  will  think 
I  have  pointed  out  very  arduAis  duties  for  the  Sabbath, 
and  that  if  so  much  is  done  for  children,  parents  will  have 
no  time  left  for  their  own.  reading  and  reflection.     But 
there  can  be  no  doubt  that  (interesting)  lessons  and  con- 
versations with  children  are  both  pleasant  and  useful  to 
parents ;  you  cannot  dispose  of  a  part  of  the  day  more 
satfactorily  to  your  heart  or  your  conscience.    It  is  by  no 
means  necessary  to  devote  the  whole  day  expressly  to  their 
instruction.     Let  your  own  pursuits  be  such  as  imply  a 
respect  for  the  sanctity  of  the  Sabbath,  and  put  them 
in  the  way  of  employing  themselves  about  what  is  good, 
as  well  as  pleasant.     Young  people  should  always  be 
taught  to  respect  the  employments  and  convenience  of 
others ;  they  should  learn   to  wait  patiently   for   their 
elders  to  join  in  their  studies  or  amusements.     If  you 
treat  them  with  perfect  gentleness,  and  show  a  willing- 
ness to  attend  to  them  when  it  is  in  your  power,  tbey 
will  soon  acquire  the  habit  of  waiting  cheerfully.     But 


73 

never  explain  anything  to  a  child  because  he  is  impatient 
and  teases  you,  when  it  is  really  very  inconvenient  to 
you,  and  of  no  immediate  consequence  to  him.  Let  your 
constant  practice  in  all  things  show  him,  that  you  are 
less  inclined  to  attend  to  him  when  he  teases  you,  than 
when  he  waits  patiently ;  but,  at  the  same  time,  never 
make  him  wait  when  it  is  not  necessary.  There  is  no 
end  to  the  wonders  that  may  be  wrought  by  gentleness 
and  firmness. 

The  religious  knowledge  conveyed  in  early  childhood 
should  be  extremely  simple.  It  is  enough  to  be  told 
that  God  is  their  Father  in  heaven ;  that  every  thing  in 
the  world  is  formed  by  his  wisdom,  and  preserved  by  his 
love ;  that  he  knows  every  thought  of  their  hearts  ;  that 
he  loves  them  when  they  do  what  is  right;  and  that 
good  children,  when  they  die,  go  to  heaven,  where  God 
and  die  angels  are.  No  opportunity  should  be  lost  of 
impressing  upon  their  minds  that  God  loves  the  creatures 
he  has  made  ;  even  for  the  most  common  enjoyments  of 
life  they  should  be  taught  to  be  thankful  to  him.  When 
guilty  of  a  falsehood,  or  any  other  wrong  action,  they 
should  be  solemnly  reminded  that  though  nobody  in  the 
world  may  know  it,  God  sees  it.  This  simple  truth  will 
make  a  serious  impression,  even  when  they  are  quite 
small ;  and  as  they  grow  older,  they  may  be  more  deeply 
impressed,  by  adding  that  every  time  we  indulge  any 
evil  feeling,  we  remove  ourselves  farther  from  God  and 
good  angels,  and  render  ourselves  unfit  for  heaven.  It 
seem  like  a  nice  metaphysical  distinction,  but  I  do 
think  it  very  important  that  children  should  early,  and 
;;mtlv,  receive  the  idea  that  the  wicked  remove  them- 
ishes  from  God — that  God  never  withdraws  from  them. 


74 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 


h 


Divine  influence  is  always  shedding  its  holy  beams  upon 
the  human  soul,  to  purify  and  bless.  It  is  our  own 
fault,  if  our  souls  are  in  such  a  state  that  we  cannot 
receive  it. 

In  the  whole  course  of  education,  we  should  never 
forget  that  we  arc  rearing  beings  for  another  world  as 
well  as  for  this  ;  they  should  be  taught  to  consider  this 
life  as  a  preparation  for  a  better.  Human  policy  is  apt 
to  look  no  farther  than  the  honors  and  emoluments  of 
this  world ;  but  our  present  life  is,  at  the  longest,  but 
an  exceedingly  small  part  of  our  existence  ;  and  how 
unwise  it  is  to  prepare  for  time  and  neglect  eternity. 
Besides,  the  best  way  of  fitting  ourselves  for  this  world 
is  to  prepare  for  another.  Human  prudence  is  not 
willing  to  perform  every  duty  in  earnestness  and  humility, 
and  trust  the  rest  to  Providence.  Yet,  after  all,  God 
will  do  much  better  for  us  than  we  can  do  for  ourselves. 
All  our  deep-laid  schemes  cannot  make  us  so  happy,  as 
we  should  be  if  we  were  simply  good.  I  do  not  mean 
that  the  active  employments  of  life  should  be  neglected ; 
for  I  consider  them  as  duties,  which  may  and  ought  to 
be  performed  in  the  true  spirit  of  religion :  I  mean  that 
we  should  industriously  cultivate  and  exert  our  abilities, 
as  a  means  of  usefulness,  without  feeling  anxious  about 
wealth  or  reputation.  It  is  the  doing  things  from  a 
wrong  motive,  which  produces  so  much  disorder  and 
unhappiness  in  the  world. 

Religious  education,  in  early  life,  should  be  addressed 
to  the  heart,  rather  than  to  the  mind.  The  affections 
should  be  filled  with  love  and  gratitude  to  God,  but  no 
attempt  should  be  made  to  introduce  doctrinal  opinions 
into  the  understanding.     Even  if  they  could  be  under- 


i 


the  mother's  book.  75 

stood,  it  would  not  be  well  to  teach  them.  It  is  better 
that  the  mind  should  be  left  in  perfect  freedom  to  choose 
its  creed ;  if  the  feelings  are  religious,  God  will  en- 
lighten the  understanding ;  he  who  really  loves  what  is 
good,  will  'perceive  what  is  true. 

Miss  Hamilton,  in  her  excellent  book  on  education, 
relates  an  anecdote  of  a  mother,  who  tried  to  explain 
the  doctrine  of  atonement  by  telling  a  child  that  God 
came  down  from  heaven,  and  lived  and  died  on  earth, 
for  the  sins  of  men.  The  little  girl  looked  thoughtfully 
in  the  fire  for  some  time,  and  then  eagerly  exclaimed, 
\  Oh,  what  a  good  time  the  angels  must  have  had,  when 
God  was  gone  away  !' 

This  child,  being  subject  to  great  restraint  in  the 
presence  of  her  parents,  was  probably  in  the  habit  of 
having  a  frolic  when  they  were  gone;  and  she  judged 
the  angels  by  the  same  rule.  She  was  not  to  blame 
for  judging  by  what  she  had  seen  and  felt.  It  was  the 
only  standard  she  could  use.  The  error  was  in  at- 
tempting to  give  her  ideas  altogether  too  vast  for  her 
infant  mind.  This  anecdote  shows  how  necessary  it 
is  that  religious  instruction  should,  at  first,  be  extremely 
plain  and  simple. 

There  is  nothing  perhaps  in  which  Christians  act  so 
inconsistently  as  in  surrounding  death  with  associations 
of  grief  and  terror.  We  profess  to  believe  that  the 
good  whom  we  have  loved  in  this  life,  are  still  alive  in 
■  better  ind  happier  world;  yet  we  clothe  ourselves  in 
black,  toll  the  bell,  shun  the  room  where  we  saw  them 
die,  and  weep  when  they  are  mentioned.  My  own  prej- 
ndicef  against  meftring  mourning  are  very  strong — 
nothing  but  the  certaintv  of  wounding  the  feelings  of 
8 


►. 


M 


76 

some  near  and  dear  friend  would  ever  induce  me  to 
follow  the  custom.     However,  I  have  no  right,  nor  have 
1  any  wish,  to  interfere  with  the  prejudices  of  others. 
I  shall  only  speak  of  mourning  in  connexion  with  other 
things,  that  tend  to  give  children  melancholy  ideas  of 
death.     For  various  reasons,  we  should  treat  the  subject 
as  cheerfully  as  possible.     We  all  must  die ;  and  if  we 
really  believe  that  we  shall  live  hereafter,  under  the 
care    of  the   same    all-merciful    God,  who    has    pro- 
tected us  here,  why  should  we  dread  to  die  ?     Children 
should  always  hear  death  spoken  of  as  a  blessed  change ; 
and  if  the  selfishness  of  our  nature  will  wring  some 
tears  from  us,  when  our  friends  die,  they  should  be  such 
tears  as  we  shed  for  a  brief  absence,  not  the  heart- 
rending sobs  of  utter  separation.     When  death  occurs 
in    the   family,  use   the   opportunity  to   make  a   child 
familiar  with  it.     Tell  him  the  brother,  or  sister,  or  pa- 
rent he  loved  is  gone  to  God ;  and  that  the  good  are 
far  happier  with  the  holy  angels,  than  they  could  have 
been  on  earth  ;  and  that  if  we  are  good,  we  shall  in  a  little 
while  go  to  them  in  heaven.     Whenever  he  afterwards 
alludes  to  them,  say  they  are  as  much  alive  as  they  were 
on  this  earth ;  and  far  happier.     Do  not  speak  of  it  as 
a  thing  to  be  regretted  that  they  have  gone  early  to 
heaven ;  but  rather  as  a  privilege  to  be  desired  that  we 
shall  one  day  go  to  them.     This  is  the  view  which  the 
Christian  religion  gives  us ;  and  it  is  the  view  we  should 
all  have,  did  not  a  guilty  conscience,  or  an  injudicious 
education  inspire  us  with  feelings  of  terror.     The  most 
pious  people  are  sometimes  entirely  unable  to  overcome 
the  dread  of  death,  which  they  received  in  childhood ; 
whereas,  those  whose  first  impressions  on  this  subject 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK.  77 

have  been  pleasant,  find  within  themselves  a  strong  sup- 
port in  times  of  illness  and  affliction. 

The  following  is  extracted  from  Miss  Hamilton's  work 
on  Education : — 

c  If  we  analyze  the  slavish  fear  of  death,  which  consti- 
tutes no  trifling  portion  of  human  misery,  we  shall  often 
find  it  impossible  to  be  accounted  for  on  any  other 
grounds  than  those  of  early  association.  Frequently 
does  this  slavish  fear  operate  in  the  bosoms  of  those 
who  know  not  the  pangs  of  an  accusing  conscience,  and 
whose  spirits  bear  them  witness  that  they  have  reason 
to  have  hope  and  confidence  towards  God.  But  in 
vain  does  reason  and  religion  speak  peace  to  the  soul  of 
him  whose  first  ideas  of  death  have  been  accompanied 
with  strong  impressions  of  terror.  The  association 
thus  formed  is  too  powerful  to  be  broken,  and  the  only 
resource  to  which  minds  under  its  influence  generally 
resort,  is  to  drive  the  subject  from  their  thoughts  as 
much  as  possible.  To  this  cause  we  may  attribute  the 
unwillingness  which  many  people  evince  towards  mak- 
ing a  settlement  of  their  affairs ;  not  that  they  entertain 
the  superstitious  notion  of  accelerating  the  hour  of  their 
death  by  making  a  will ;  but  that  die  aversion  to  the 
subject  of  death  is  so  strong  in  their  minds,  that  they 
feel  a  repugnance  to  the  consideration  of  whatever  is 
even  remotely  connected  with  it. 

*  How  often  the  same  association  operates  in  deterring 
from  the  serious  contemplation  of  a  future  state,  we 
muC  leave  to  the  consciences  of  individuals  to  deter- 
mine. Its  tendency  to  enfeeble  the  mind,  and  its  con- 
sequences in  detracting  from  the  happiness  of  life,  are 


%  *» 


78  the  mother's  book. 

obvious  to  common  observation ;  but  as  every  subject 
of  this  nature  is  best  elucidated  by  examples,  I  shall 
beg  leave  to  introduce  two  from  real  life,  in  which  the 
importance  of  early  association  will,  I  trust,  be  clearly 
illustrated. 

*  The  first  instance  I  shall  give  of  the  abiding  influence 
of  strong  impressions  received  in  infancy,  is  in  the  char- 
acter of  a  lady  who  is  now  no  more ;  and  who  was  too 
eminent  for  piety  and  virtue,  to  leave  any  doubt  of  her 
being  now  exalted  to  the  enjoyment  of  that  felicity 
which  her  enfeebled  mind,  during  its  abode  on  earth, 
never  dared  to  contemplate.  The  first  view  she  had  of 
death  in  infancy  was  accompanied  with  peculiar  circum- 
stances of  terror ;  and  this  powerful  impression  was,  by 
the  injudicious  language  of  the  nursery,  aggravated  and 
increased,  till  the  idea  of  death  became  associated  with 
all  the  images  of  horror  which  the  imagination  could 
conceive.  Although  born  of  a  noble  family,  her  edu- 
cation was  strictly  pious  ;  but  the  piety  which  she  wit- 
nessed was  tinctured  with  fanaticism,  and  had  little 
in  it  of  that  divine  spirit  of  "  love  which  casteth  out 
fear."  Her  understanding  was  naturally  excellent ;  or,  in 
other  words,  what  is  in  our  sex  generally  termed  mas- 
culine ;  and  it  was  improved  by  the  advantages  of  a  very 
superior  education.  But  not  all  the  advantages  she 
derived  from  nature  or  cultivation,  not  all  the  strength  of 
a  sound  judgment,  nor  all  the  sagacity  of  a  penetrating 
and  cultivated  genius,  could  counteract  the  association 
which  rendered  the  idea  of  death  a  subject  of  perpetual 
terror  to  her  mind.  Exemplary  in  the  performance  of 
every  religious  and  every  social  duty,  full  of  faith  and 
of  good  works,  she  never  darad  to  dart  a  glance  of  hope 


■*  * 


the  mother's  book.  79 

beyond  the  tomb.  The  gloomy  shadows  that  hovered 
over  the  regions  of  death  made  the  heart  recoil  from 
the  salutary  meditation  ;  and  when  sickness  brought  the 
subject  to  her  view,  her  whole  soul  was  involved  in  a 
tumult  of  horror  and  dismay.  In  every  illness  it  be- 
came the  business  of  her  family  and  friends  to  devise 
methods  of  concealing  from  her  the  real  danger.  Every 
face  was  then  dressed  in  forced  smiles,  and  every 
tongue  employed  in  the  repetition  of  flattering  false- 
hoods. To  mention  the  death  of  any  person  in  her 
presence  became  a  sort  of  petit  treason  in  her  family ; 
and  from  the  pains  that  were  taken  to  conceal  every 
event  of  this  kind  from  her  knowledge,  it  was  easy  to 
conjecture  how  much  was  to  be  dreaded  from  the  direful 
effect  such  information  wrould  infallibly  produce.  She 
might,  indeed,  be  said 

"  To  die  a  thousand  deaths  in  fearing  one." 
And  had  often  suffered  much  more  from  the  apprehen- 
sion, than    she    could    have    suffered    from  the  most 
agonizing  torture  that  ever  attended  the  hour  of  disso- 
lution. 

*  Here  we  have  an  instance  of  a  noble  mind  subjected 
by  means  of  early  association  to  the  most  cruel  bon- 
dage. Let  us  now  take  a  view  of  the  consequences  of 
impressing  the  mind  with  more  agreeable  associations 
on  the  same  subject  at  the  same  early  period. 

1 A  friend  of  mine,  on  expressing  his  admiration  of 
the  cheerfulness  and  composure,  which  a  lady  of  his 
acquaintance  had  invariably  shown  on  the  threatened 
approach  of  death,  was  thus  answered  :  "  The  fortitude 
you  so  highly  applaud,  I  indeed  acknowledge  as  the 
first  and  greatest  of  blessings ;  for  to  it  I  owe  the  enjoy- 
8* 
JiL1  # 


80  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

ment  of  all  the  mercies,  which  a  good  Providence  has 
graciously  mingled  in  the  cup  of  suffering.  But  I  take 
no  merit  to  myself  on  its  account.  It  is  not,  as  you 
suppose,  the  magnanimous  effort  of  reason ;  and  how- 
ever it  may  be  supported  by  that  religious  principle 
which  inspires  hope,  and  teaches  resignation,  while  I 
see  those  who  are  my  superiors  in  every  Christian  grace 
and  virtue  appalled  by  the  terrors  of  death,  I  cannot  to 
religion  alone  attribute  my  superior  fortitude.  For 
that  fortitude  I  am,  under  God,  chiefly  indebted  to  the 
judicious  friend  of  my  infancy,  who  made  the  idea  of 
death  not  only  familiar  but  pleasant  to  my  imagination. 
The  sudden  death  of  an  elderly  lady  to  whom  I  was 
much  attached,  gave  her  an  opportunity,  before  I  had 
attained  my  sixth  year,  of  impressing  this  subject  on  my 
mind  in  the  most  agreeable  colors. 

* "  To  this  judicious  management  do  I  attribute  much 
of  that  serenity,  which,  on  the  apprehended  approach 
of  death,  has  ever  possessed  my  mind.  Had  the  idea 
been  first  impressed  upon  my  imagination  with  its  usual 
gloomy  accompaniments,  it  is  probable  that  it  would 
still  have  been  there  invested  in  robes  of  terror ;  nor 
would  all  the  efforts  of  reason,  nor  all  the  arguments  of 
religion,  have  been  able  in  these  moments  effectually 
to  tranquillize  my  soul.  Nor  is  it  only  in  the  hour  of 
real  danger  that  I  have  experienced  the  good  effects  of 
this  freedom  from  the  slavish  fear  of  death ;  it  has  saved 
me  from  a  thousand  petty  alarms  and  foolish  apprehen- 
sions, into  which  people  of  stronger  minds  than  I  can 
boast,  are  frequently  betrayed  by  the  involuntary  im- 
pulse of  terror.  So  much,  my  good  friend,  do  we  all 
owe  to  early  education." ' 


81 

To  these  remarks,  I  will  add  an  anecdote,  that  came 
under  the  observation  of  one  of  my  friends.  A  little 
girl  saw  a  beloved  aunt  die.  The  child  was  very  young, 
— she  had  no  ideas  at  all  about  death, — it  was  her 
first  lesson  on  the  subject.  She  was  much  affected, 
and  wept  bitterly.  Her  mother  led  her  to  the  bed, 
kissed  the  cheek  of  the  corpse,  and  observed  how 
smiling  and  happy  the  countenance  looked.  *  We  must 
not  weep  for  dear  aunt  Betsy,'  said  she ;  i  she  is  living 
now  with  the  angels ;  and  though  she  cannot  come  to  see 
us,  she  loves  us,  and  will  rejoice  when  we  are  good.  If 
we  are  good,  like  her,  we  shall  go  to  heaven,  where  she 
is ;  and  to  go  to  heaven,  is  like  going  to  a  happy  home.'* 

This  conversation  soothed  the  child's  mind ;  she  felt 
the  cold  hand,  kissed  the  cold  cheek,  and  felt  sure  that 
her  aunt  was  still  alive  and  loved  her. 

A  year  or  two  afterwards,  this  child  was  very  ill,  and 
they  told  her  the  doctor  said  she  would  die.  She  looked 
up  smiling  in  her  mother's  face,  and  said,  with  joyful 
simplicity,  '  I  shall  see  dear  aunt  Betsy  before  you  do, 
mother.'     What  a  beautiful  lesson  ! 

So  important  do  I  consider  cheerful  associations  with 
death,  that  I  wish  to  see  our  grave-yards  laid  out  with 
walks,  and  trees,  and  beautiful  shrubs,  as  places  of  public 
promenade.  We  ought  not  to  draw  such  a  line  of 
separation  between  those  who  are  living  in  this  world,  and 
those  who  are  alive  in  another.  A  cherished  feeling  of 
tenderness  for  the  dead  is  a  beautiful  trait  in  the  Catholic 
religion.  The  prayers  that  continue  to  be  offered  for  the 
departed,  the  offering  of  flowers  upon  the  tomb,  the  little 
fragrant  wreath  held  in  the  cold  hand  of  the  dead  infant, 
— all  these  things  are  beautiful  and  salutary.     It  may  be 


82 

thought  such  customs  are  merely  poetic ;  but  I  think 
they  perform  a  much  higher  use  than  merely  pleasing  the 
fancy ;  I  believe  they  help  to  give  permanently  cheer- 
ful impressions  of  our  last  great  change.  It  is  difficult 
for  the  wisest  of  us  to  tell  out  of  what  trifles  our  preju- 
dices and  opinions  have  been  gradually  composed. 

A  friend,  who  had  resided  some  time  in  Brazil,  told 
an  anecdote,  which  was  extremely  pleasing  to  me,  on 
account  of  the  distinct  and  animating  faith  it  implied. 
When  walking  on  the  beach,  he  overtook  a  negro  wo- 
man, carrying  a  large  tray  upon  her  head.  Thinking 
she  had  fruit  or  flowers  to  sell,  he  called  to  her  to  stop. 
On  being  asked  what  she  had  in  her  tray,  she  lowered 
the  burthen  upon  the  sand,  and  gently  uncovered  it. 
It  was  a  dead  negro  babe,  covered  with  a  neat  white 
robe,  with  a  garland  around  its  head,  and  a  bunch  of 
flowers  in  the  little  hands,  that  lay  clasped  upon  its 
bosom.  'Is  this  your  child?'  asked  my  friend.  'It 
was  mine  a  few  day's  ago,'  she  said ;  '  but  it  is  the  Ma- 
donna's now.  I  am  carrying  it  to  the  church  to  be 
buried.  It  is  a  little  angel  now.1  '  How  beautifully 
you  have  laid  it  out !'  said  the  traveller.  *  Ah,'  replied 
the  negro,  'that  is  ndthing  compared  to  the  beautiful 
bright  wings  with  which  it  is  flying  through  heaven  !' 

With  regard  to  supernatural  appearances,  I  think  they 
should  never  be  spoken  of  as  objects  of  terror,  neither 
should  the  possibility  be  treated  as  ridiculous.  If  we 
treat  such  subjects  with  contempt  and  utter  unbelief,  we 
at  once  involve  ourselves  in  contradiction ;  for  we  tell 
our  children  they  must  believe  the  Bible ;  and  in  the 
Bible  they  read  of  angels  holding  intercourse  with  men, 
and  of  the  dead  rising  from  their  graves. 


83 

Some  say,  keep  children  in  utter  ignorance  of  such 
subjects  ;  but  that  is  not  possible.  They  will  find  them 
mentioned  in  Scripture,  and  in  nine  tenths  of  the  books 
not  expressly  written  for  childhood.  Our  utmost  care 
cannot  keep  such  ideas  from  entering  their  minds ;  and 
my  own  opinion  is,  that  it  is  not  desirable  we  should.  I 
believe  that  children  may  be  taught  to  think  of  super- 
natural appearances,  not  only  without  terror,  but  with 
actual  pleasure.  It  is  a  solemn  and  mysterious  subject, 
and  should  not  be  introduced  uselessly ;  but  if  children 
asked  questions  of  their  own  accord,  I  should  answer 
them  according  to  what  I  believed  to  be  the  truth.  I 
should  tell  them  I  believed  the  dead  were  living,  speak- 
ing and  thinking  beings,  just  like  ourselves ;  that  they 
were  happy  in  heaven  in  proportion  as  they  were  good 
on  earth ;  that  in  ancient  times,  when  men  were  inno- 
cent, angels  used  to  come  and  see  them,  and  that  they 
loved  to  see  them ;  but  that  now  men  were  so  wicked 
they  could  not  see  angels — the  holy  and  beautiful  privi- 
lege had  been  lost  by  indulging  in  evil ;  that  angels  full 
of  love  watched  over  the  good,  and  rejoiced  when  they 
put  away  a  wicked  thought,  or  conquered  a  wicked 
feeling ;  but  that  we  cannot  see  them  any  more  than  the 
blind  man  can  see  the  sun  when  it  is  shining  upon  him. 
I  would  tell  them  that  the  wicked,  by  indulging  evil,  go 
away  from  the  influence  of  God  and  angels,  and  that  is 
the  reason  they  are  afraid ;  that  men  who  have  been 
bad  in  tliis  world  are  bad  in  another,  and  delight  to  see 
us  indulge  in  sin  ;  but  that  God  protects  us  always,  and 
we  need  not  be  afraid  of  anything  that  is  evil,  except 
the  evil  in  our  own  hearts;  that  if  we  try  to  be  good, 
God  and  his  angels  will  guard  over  us  and  teach  us  what 


*,, 


84  the  mother's  book. 

we  ought  to  do ;  and  that  evil  spirits  can  have  no  power 
to  tempt  us,  or  to  make  us  afraid,  except  the  power  we 
give  them  by  indulging  our  own  evil  passions. 

I  am  aware  that  my  views  on  this  subject  will  differ 
from  many  of  my  readers ;  but  through  the  whole  of 
this  book  I  have  endeavored  to  speak  what  appeared 
to  me  to  be  the  honest  truth,  without  any  reference 
to  what  might  be  thought  of  it.  I  believe  that  a  child 
would  have  no  sort  of  fear  of  subjects  they  heard  thus 
familiarly  and  plainly  dealt  with.  In  one  or  two  in- 
stances, the  experiment  has  been  tried  with  perfect 
success.  The  children  to  whom  I  allude  never  have 
an  idea  of  seeing  spirits ;  but  they  think  Abraham  and 
Jacob,  who  used  to  see  them,  must  have  been  very 
happy.  They  are  familiar  with  the  idea  that  if  they 
indulge  in  evil,  they  put  themselves  under  the  influence 
of  spirits  like  themselves ;  but  they  have  not  the  slight- 
est fear  of  seeing  them.  They  know  that  they  have 
spiritual  eyes,  with  which  they  see  in  their  dreams,  and 
will  see  in  heaven  ;  and  that  they  have  bodily  eyes,  with 
which  they  see  the  material  things  of  this  world ;  but 
they  know  very  well  that  spiritual  forms  cannot  be  seen 
by  the  natural  organs  of  sight. 

If  my  advice  on  this  mysterious  subject  seems  to  you 
absurd,  or  impracticable,  reject  it,  in  the  same  freedom 
that  I  have  given  it.  But  let  me  ask  you  one  question 
— Did  you  ever  know  fear  upon  these  subjects  over- 
come by  ridicule,  or  by  arguments  to  prove  there  were 
no  such  things  as  supernatural  appearances?  I  once 
knew  a  strong-minded  man,  who  prided  himself  upon 
believing  nothing  which  he  could  not  see,  touch,  and 
understand.     (How  he  believed  in  the  existence  of  his 


85 

own  soul,  I  do  not  know.)  His  children,  from  some 
cause  or  other,  had  their  minds  excited  on  the  subject 
of  visions.  The  father  told  them  it  was  all  nonsense — 
that  there  was  not  a  word  of  truth  in  anything  of  the 
sort.  *  But  Jesus  Christ  appeared  to  his  disciples,  after 
he  was  dead,'  said  one  of  the  boys.  '  Oh,  that  was  a 
miracle,'  replied  the  father :  '  sit  down,  and  I  will  tell 
you  a  beautiful  ghost-story.'  Then  he  told  a  long 
story  of  a  man,  who  several  times  saw  his  deceased 
friend  all  dressed  in  white,  seated  in  his  arm-chair,  wear- 
ing exactly  the  same  wig  he  had  always  worn  in  his 
life-time.  The  story  was  wrought  up  with  a  good  deal 
of  skill.  The  gloom  of  twilight,  the  melancholy  smile 
of  the  phantom,  the  terror  of  the  spectator,  were  all 
eloquently  described.  The  children  stared  their  eyes 
almost  out  of  their  heads.  At  last,  the  end  of  the  story- 
came, — 'A  servant  entered  with  a  light,  and  the  old 
man  in  the  arm-chair  proved  to  be — a  great  white 
dog!' 

But  what  was  the  effect  on  the  children  ?  Did  such 
a  story  calm  or  satisfy  their  minds  ?  No.  It  terrified 
them  greatly.  For  months  after,  they  were  afraid  to  go 
into  the  dark,  lest  they  should  see — a  great  white  dog. 

While  I  represented  the  intercourse  with  angels  as  a 
privilege  that  belonged  to  purity  and  innocence,  I  would 
as  much  as  possible  keep  from  the  knowledge  of  chil- 
dren all  those  frightful  stories  to  which  remorse  and  dis- 
ease have  given  birth.  Should  any  such  come  in  their 
way,  I  would  represent  them  as  the  effects  of  a  guilty 
con  or  disordered  nerves,  both  of  which  pro- 

duce a  species  of  insanity;    and  at  the  same  time  I 


86  the  mother's  book. 

would  talk  of  the  love  and  protection  of  their  heavenly- 
Father,  reminding  them  that  every  time  they  resisted 
what  was  wrong,  they  put  themselves  more  and  more 
under  the  blessed  influence  of  God  and  his  holy  angels. 


;v 


CHAPTER   VII 

BOOKS. 


possi 


he  books  chosen  for  young  people  should  as  far  as 
sible  combine  amusement  with  instruction ;  but  it  is 
very  important  that  amusement  should  not  become  a 
necessary  inducement.  I  think  a  real  love  of  reading 
is  the  greatest  blessing  education  can  bestow,  particu- 
larly upon  a  woman.  It  cheers  so  many  hours  of  ill- 
ness and  seclusion ;  it  gives  the  mind  something  to  in- 
terest itself  about,  instead  of  the  concerns  of  one's 
neighbors,  and  the  changes  of  fashion  ;  it  enlarges  the 
heart,  by  giving  extensive  views  of  the  world ;  it  every 
day  increases  the  points  of  sympathy  with  an  intelligent 
husband ;  and  it  gives  a  mother  materials  for  furnish- 
ing the  minds  of  her  children.  Yet  I  believe  a  real  love 
of  reading  is  not  common  among  women.  I  know  that 
the  new  novels  are  very  generally  read  ;  but  this  springs 
from  the  same  love  of  pleasing  excitement,  which  leads 
people  to  the  theatre ;  it  does  not  proceed  from  a  thirst 
for  information.  For  this  reason,  it  has  a  bad  effect  to 
encourage  an  early  love  for  works  of  fiction ;  particu- 
larly such  as  contain  romantic  incidents.  To  be  sure, 
works  of  this  kind  have  of  late  years  assumed  so  elevated 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 

a  character,  that  there  is  very  much  less  danger  from 
them  than  formerly.  We  now  have  true  pictures  of 
life  in  all  its  forms,  instead  of  the  sentimental,  lovesick 
effusions,  which  turned  the  heads  of  girls,  fifty  years 
ago.  But  even  the  best  of  novels  should  form  the  rec- 
reation rather  than  the  employment  of  the  mind ;  they 
should  only  be  read  now  and  then.  They  are  a  sort  of 
literary  confectionary ;  and,  though  they  may  be  very 
perfect  and  beautiful,  if  eaten  too  plentifully,  they  do 
tend  to  destroy  our  appetite  for  more  solid  and  nour- 
ishing food.  The  same  remarks  apply,  in  a  less  degree, 
to  children's  forming  the  habit  of  reading  nothing  but 
stories,  which  are,  in  fact,  little  novels.  To  prevent 
an  exclusive  and  injurious  taste  for  fiction,  it  is  well  to 
encourage  in  them  a  love  of  History,  Voyages,  Travels, 
Biography,  &,c.  It  may  be  done  by  hearing  them  read 
such  books,  or  reading  with  them,  frequently  talking 
about  them,  and  seeming  pleased  if  they  remember  suf- 
ficiently well  to  give  a  good  account  of  what  they  have 
read.  Sir  William  Jones,  who  had  perhaps  a  greater 
passion  for  knowledge  than  any  other  mortal,  and  who, 
of  course,  became  extensively,  useful  and  celebrated, 
says,  that  when  he  asked  questions  about  anything,  his 
mother  used  to  say  to  him,  '  Read  your  book,  and  you 
will  know.'  Being  an  intelligent  and  judicious  woman, 
she  took  pains  to  procure  such  volumes  as  would  satisfy 
his  inquiries;  and  in  this  way  his  love  of  books  became 
an  intense  passion ;  he  resorted  to  them  as  the  thirsty 
do  to  a  fountain.  This  anecdote  furnishes  a  valuable 
hint.  I  am  aware  that  all  cannot  afford  to  buy  books 
freely;  hut  I  believe  there  are  very  few  in  this  land  of 
nhiiMihnce,  who  »lf)  not  spend  in  the  superfluities  of  dress 


88 

and  the  table,  more  than  enough  to  purchase  a  valuable 
library.  Besides,  ample  means  of  information  are  now 
furnished  the  public  by  social  libraries,  juvenile  libra- 
ries, lyceums,  he.  I  can  hardly  suppose  it  possible 
that  any  person  can  really  want  a  book,  in  this  country, 
without  being  able  to  obtain  it.  Such  being  the  case, 
it  certainly  is  easy  to  follow  the  example  of  Sir  William 
Jones's  mother.  For  instance,  a  cold,  stinging  day  in 
winter  would  naturally  lead  a  child  to  say,  f I  wonder 
how  people  can  live  near  the  poles ;  where  my  geogra- 
phy says  they  have  six  months  of  night  and  winter.' 
Here  is  a  good  opportunity  for  a  parent  to  reply,  '  I  will 

tget  a  book  about  Polar  Regions,  and  you  shall  read  to 
me,  after  you  have  learned  your  lessons ;  if  I  am  busy, 
and  cannot  hear  you,  you  must  read  by  yourself,  and 
tell  me  about  it.' 

It  is  by  seizing  hold  of  such  incidents  as  these,  that 
a  real  love  of  knowledge  may  be  instilled.  The  habit 
of  having  the  different  members  of  a  family  take  turns 
to  read  aloud,  while  the  others  are  at  work,  is  extremely 
beneficial.  It  is  likewise  an  excellent  plan  for  young 
people  to  give  a  familiar  account,  in  writing,  of  what 
they  have  read,  and  to  make  their  own  remarks  upon 
the  subject  freely ;  but  these  juvenile  productions  should 
never  be  shown  out  of  the  family,  or  praised  in  an  ex- 
aggerated manner,  likely  to  excite  vanity;  and  if  one 
child  is  more  gifted  than  another,  care  should  be  taken 
to  bestow  the  greatest  share  of  encouragement  on  the 
one  that  needs  it  most.  I  wish  the  habit  of  reading 
the  purest  and  best  authors  aloud  was  more  frequent 
in  our  schools.  I  know  not  how  it  is,  girls  learn  an 
abundance  of  things,  but  they  do  not  acquire  a  love  of 


4 


89 

reading.  I  know  very  few  young  ladies,  among  those 
esteemed  thoroughly  educated,  to  whom  a  book  is  really 
a  pleasanter  resource  than  visiting,  dress,  and  frivolous 
conversation.  Their  understanding  may  have  been  well 
drilled  in  certain  sciences ;  but  knowledge  has  no  place 
in  their  affections.  The  result  is,  that  what  they  have 
learned  at  school  is  gradually  forgotten,  instead  of  be- 
ing brought  into  constant  use  in  after  life.  Like  soldiers 
on  parade  day,  they  go  through  a  certain  routine,  and 
then  throw  by  their  accoutrements  as  things  useless  for 
anything  but  parade.  The  fact  is,  we  should  always 
begin  with  the  affections.  What  we  love  to  do,  we  ac- 
complish through  all  manner  of  obstacles ;  but  what  we 
do  not  love  to  do  is  uphill  work,  and  will  not  be  per- 
formed if  it  can  be  avoided.  If  a  fondness  for  books  be 
once  imbibed,  it  is  plain  enough  that  the  understanding 
will  soon  be  enlightened  on  all  interesting  subjects ;  and 
a  person  who  reads,  as  he  drinks  water  when  he  is 
thirsty,  is  the  least  likely  of  all  men  to  be  pedantic :  in 
all  things,  affectation  is  fond  of  making  a  greater  show 
than  reality.     I  once  heard  a  woman  in  mixed  company 

say,  '  My  dear  Mrs. ,  how  can  you  play  whist  ?     I 

cannot  possibly  give  my  attention  to  such  trifling  things  ; 
if  I  attempt  it,  my  mind  is  immediately  abstracted.' 
I  at  once  set  her  down  for  a  fool  and  a  pedant.  I  should 
not  have  been  afraid  to  risk  a  fortune  that  she  had  no 
real  love  of  knowledge.  Nature  and  truth  have  never 
learned  to  blow  the  trumpet,  and  never  will.  The  lady 
whom  she  addressed  was  really  intelligent  and  well- 
informed  ;  she  did  not  love  to  play  whist,  but  she  very 
i-naturedly  consented  to  it,  because  her  hostess 
not  otherwise  make  t^  the  number  requisite  for 


90  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

the  game ;  knowledge  was  the  food  of  her  mind,  not 
its  decoration^.  Miss  Edgeworth  has  very  beautifully- 
remarked,  'We  are  disgusted  when  we  see  a  woman's 
mind  overwhelmed  with  a  torrent  of  learning ;  that  the 
tide  of  literature  has  passed  over  it,  should  be  betrayed 
only  by  its  general  fertility?  And  this  will  be  the  re- 
sult, if  books  are  loved  as  a  resource,  and  a  means  of 
usefulness,  not  as  affording  opportunity  for  display. 

I  have  said  that  reading  works  of  fiction  too  much, 
tends  to  destroy  a  relish  for  anything  more  solid,  and 
less  exciting ;  but  I  would  suggest  that  the  worst  possi- 
ble thing  that  can  be  done  is  to  prohibit  them  entirely, 
or  to  talk  against  them  with  undue  severity.  This 
always  produces  a  fidgetty  desire  to  read  them  ;  and 
unless  the  principles  are  very-  strong,  they  will  be  read 
by  stealth.  Direct  prohibitions,  though  unquestionably 
necessary  at  times,  are  not  likely  to  do  great  good,  be- 
cause they  appeal  to  the  understanding  without  being 
grounded  in  the  heart.  The  best  way  is  to  allow  the 
occasional  perusal  of  novels,  which  are  pure  in  spirit  and 
in  language.  When  a  taste  is  once  formed  for  the  best 
novels,  silly,  lackadaisical  ones  will  have  no  charm — 
they  will  not  be  read  from  choice.  In  this  instance,  as 
in  others  of  more  importance,  evil  is  prevented  from  en- 
tering, by  rinding  the  mind  occupied  with  good.  Many 
readers,  and  writers  too,  think  any  book  is  proper  for 
young  people,  which  has  a  good  moral  at  the  end  ;  but 
the  fact  is,  some  books,  with  a  long  excellent  moral,  have 
the  worst  possible  effect  on  a  young  mind. — The  moral- 
ity should  be  in  the  book,  not  tacked  upon  the  end  of 
it.  Vices  the  juvenile  reader  never  heard  of,  are  intro- 
duced, dressed  up  in  alluring  characters,  which  excite 


91 

their  admiration,  their  love,  their  deepest  pity ;  and  then 
they  are  told  that  these  heroes  and  heroines  were  very 
naughty,  and  that  in  the  end  they  were  certain  to  die 
despised  and  neglected. 

What  is  the  result  ?  The  generous  bosom  of  youth 
pities  the  sinners,  and  thinks  the  world  was  a  cruel 
world  to  despise  and  neglect  them.  Charlotte  Temple 
has  a  nice  good  moral  at  the  end,  and  I  dare  say  was 
written  with  the  best  intention,  yet  I  believe  few  works 
do  so  much  harm  to  girls  of  fourteen  or  fifteen. 

I  doubt  whether  books  which  represent  vice,  in  any 
way,  are  suitable  to  be  put  into  the  hands  of  those, 
whose  principles  are  not  formed.  It  is  better  to  paint 
virtue  to  be  imitated,  than  vice  to  be  shunned.  Famil- 
iarity with  evil  is  a  disadvantage,  even  when  pointed  out 
as  an  object  of  disgust.  It  is  true  that  evil  must  come 
in  the  way  of  the  young  ;  they  will  find  it  in  books,  and 
they  will  find  plenty  of  it  in  the  world.  It  would  be 
useless  to  attempt  always  to  keep  such  volumes  out  of 
the  way ;  but  I  would,  as  far  as  possible,  avoid  them 
when  a  child  is  young,  and  his  mind  is  comparatively 
empty.  After  his  principles  and  taste  are  formed,  he 
will  view  such  descriptions  as  he  ought.  I  do  not  ap- 
prove of  stories  about  naughty  children  ;  they  suggest 
a  thousand  little  tricks  and  deceptions,  which  would 
not  otherwise  be  thought  of.  A  small  book  by  a  very 
excellent  writer  appears  to  me  liable  to  this  objection ; 
I  refer  to  Adelaide,  or  Stories  for  Children,  by  a  Lady 
of  Philadelphia.* 

•  In  jmtice  to  one  of  the  very  best  of  American  writers,  I  would  re- 
mark that  the  book  in  question  has  no  other  fault  than  being  about  naught y 
children.     It  is  v»ry  natural  and  entertaining. 

9* 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


Children,  especially  girls,  should  not  read  anything 
without  a  mother's  knowledge  and  sanction ;  this  is  par- 
ticularly necessary  between  the  ages  of  twelve  and  six- 
teen, when  the  feelings  are  all  fervent  and  enthusiastic, 
and  the  understanding  is  not  strengthened  by  experience 
and  observation.  At  this  period,  the  mind  and  heart 
are  very  active,  and  parents  should  take  peculiar  care 
to  furnish  them  with  plenty  of  innocent  employment. 

I  had  almost  forgotten  to  mention  the  prejudice  which 
some  people  have  against  all  manner  of  fairy  stories  and 
fables,  simply  upon  the  ground  that  they  are  not  strictly 
true.  The  objection  does  not  seem  to  me  a  forcible 
one ;  because  I  do  not  believe  children  ever  think  they 
are  true.  During  my  own  childhood,  I  am  very  sure  I 
regarded  them  as  just  what  they  were, — as  efforts  of 
the  imagination — dreams  that  had  a  meaning  to  them. 
I  do  object  to  reading  many  of  these  things  ;  for  they 
are  the  novels  of  infancy,  and  have  a  similar  effect, 
though  in  a  less  degree.  All  frightful  and  monstrous 
fairy  stories  are  indeed  abominable  ;  but  I  do  not  believe 
that  Cinderilla,  or  the  Glass  Slipper,  ever  injured  any 
child.  With  regard  to  fables,  children  do  not  believe 
that  dogs,  foxes,  and  birds,  talk  to  each  other;  nor  do 
they  think  that  the  writer  intended  they  should  believe 
it ;  therfore  it  cannot  be  injurious  to  their  love  of  truth. 
No  child,  who  reads  those  pretty  little  verses  beginning 
with, 

'  Come  up  into  my  chamber,'  said  the  spider  to  the  fly, — 
•  'Tis  the  prettiest  little  chamber  that  ever  you  did  spy!' 
# 

believes  that  the  spider  actually  talked  to  the  fly. 
Children  understand  the  moral  it  is  intended  to  convey 
perfectly  well ;  they  know  that  it  means  we  should  not 


the  mother's  book.  93 

allow  the  flattery  or  solicitations  of  others  to  tempt  us 
to  what  is  improper  and  dangerous.  Fables  and  fairy 
stories,  which  contain  a  clear  and  simple  moral,  have,  I 
think,  a  good  tendency ;  but  care  should  be  taken  to  as- 
certain whether  the  little  readers  understand  the  moral, 
and  to  explain  it  clearly  to  them,  if  they  do  not. 

Imagination  was  bestowed  upon  us  by  the  Great 
Giver  of  all  things,  and  unquestionably  was  intended  to 
be  cultivated  in  a  fair  proportion  to  the  other  powers  of 
the  mind.  Excess  of  imagination  has,  I  know,  done 
incalculable  mischief;  but  that  is  no  argument  against  a 
moderate  cultivation  of  it ;  the  excess  of  all  good  things 
is  mischievous. 

A  strong  reason  why  we  should  indulge  children  in 
reading  some  of  the  best  fairy-stories  and  fables,  and 
young  people  in  reading  some  of  the  best  novels,  is, 
that  we  cannot  possibly  help  their  getting  hold  of  some 
books  of  this  description ;  and  it  is  never  wise  to  forbid 
what  we  cannot  prevent:  besides,  how  much  better  it 
is  that  their  choice  should  be  guided  by  a  parent,  than 
left  to  chance. 

The  extreme  fondness  for  fairy  legends  indicates  an 
origin  deeply  laid  in  some  law  of  our  being.  Probably, 
it  is  merely  a  grotesque  form  of  the  universal  conscious- 
ness that  the  earthly  and  the  visible  are  constantly  and 
intimately  connected  with  the  spiritual  and  the  unseen. 
Whatever  may  be  the  cause,  such  a  book  as  The  Ara- 
bian Nights  charm#all  sorts  of  youthful  readers,  all  the 
world  over.  Its  extravagant  fancies  are  probably  as 
harmless  as  are  pictures  of  trees  changing  into  men,  or 


94  THE    MOTHER  S    BOOK. 

rocks  making  up  faces  like  monkeys.     They  are  under 
stood  to  be  extravagances,  and  are  enjoyed  as  such. 

The  love  of  fiction  is  likewise  founded  in  an  univer- 
sal instinct ;  and  all  universal  instincts  of  human  nature 
should  be  wisely  employed,  rather  than  forcibly  repressed. 
They  are  like  powerful  waters,  which,  if  dammed  up  in 
one  place,  will  surely  overleap  their  barriers  in  another. 
Our  eager  desire  to  obtain  insight  into  another's  being, 
makes  autobiography  intensely  interesting  to  all  classes 
of  readers  ;  and  novels  derive  their  charm  from  the  same 
source.  That  which  biography  gives  to  us  in  outline, 
the  novelist  fills  up,  by  the  power  of  imagination,  guided 
by  experience.  We  see  ourselves  reflected  in  the  char- 
acters that  most  interest  us.  Thus  have  we  hoped  and 
loved,  sinned  and  suffered.  A  mirror  for  the  face  has  a 
bewitching  attraction  for  all  nations ;  what  wonder  then 
that  a  mirror  for  the  soul  is  so  generally  fascinating  ?  It 
is  the  business  of  a  judicious  parent  to  guide  this  instinct 
aright,  and  thus  make  it  productive  of  genuine  culture, 
as  well  as  of  amusement.  The  profligate  and  strongly- 
exciting  works,  with  which  our  circulating  libraries  are 
overrun,  operate  on  the  mind  as  alcohol  does  on  the 
body ;  but  this  intellectual  intoxication  produces  effects 
more  difficult  to  cure,  than  its  type  in  the  physical  sys- 
tem. For  this  reason,  the  works  of  Byron,  Bulwer, 
Eugene  Sue,  &c,  ought  never  to  be  read,  till  the  princi- 
ples and  taste  are  thoroughly  formed  on  wiser  and  better 
models.  Yet  a  peremptory  prohibition  of  such  works 
seems  to  me  injudicious  and  hazardous.  In  one  of  my 
last  conversations  with  the  lamented  Dr.  Channing,  he 
told  me  that  he  never  deemed  it  wise  to  forbid  his  chil- 


the  mother's  book.  95 

dren  anything  they  were  very  eager  to  see  or  hear.  He 
said  he  would  not  put  in  their  way  books,  the  tendency 
of  which  he  disapproved ;  and  if  they  came  in  their  way, 
he  would  endeavor  to  set  them  aside,  if  it  could  be  done 
without  stimulating  curiosity.  But  if  he  found  his  child 
eager  on  the  subject,  he  would  say,  '  My  son,  I  do  not 
like  this  book ;  but  since  you  desire  to  read  it,  let  us  read 
it  together,  and  see  whether  it  makes  a  similar  impres- 
sion on  your  mind.'  In  the  course  of  the  reading,  this 
wise  father  would  take  frequent  opportunities  for  inci- 
dental commentaries,  and  free  discussion.  He  would 
remark  upon  what  he  considered  immoral,  irrational, 
unnatural,  or  untrue.  If  the  lad  did  not  accept  these 
observations  as  just,  his  father  would  listen  kindly  and 
respectfully  to  all  the  reasons  he  had  to  offer,  and  an- 
swer them  with  perfect  candor.  Thus  were  dangerous 
books  disarmed  of  their  power  to  injure,  while  the  bond 
between  parent  and  child  was  strengthened. 

The  wisest  way  to  create  a  distaste  for  sickly  works  of 
fiction,  is  early  to  form  a  taste  for  those  which  are  pure 
and  healthy.  Highest  in  this  class  stand  the  admirable 
writings  of  Frederika  Bremer.  She  brings  before  us  hu- 
man life,  with  all  its  simple  enjoyments,  its  practical  diffi- 
culties, its  unsatisfied  aspirations,  its  every-day  tempta- 
tions; and  she  leads  us  into  it  all,  with  the  love  and 
insight  of  an  angel.  The  coloring  of  all  her  sweet  domes- 
tic pictures,  is  revealed  in  the  rich  sunlight  of  a  deep  spir- 
ituality. The  moral  is  not  appended  or  inlaid,  but  fused 
with  the  whole  mass.  In  the  daily  actions  of  her  heroes 
and  heroines,  self-sacrifice  and  religious  trust  shine  forth 
with  such  unpretending  beauty,  that  they  win  their  way 


96  the  mother's  book. 

deeper  into  the  soul,  than  the  utterance  of  the  wisest 
oracles.  It  has  been  justly  said  that  'her  powers  of 
observation  are  most  acute  and  rapid ;  she  detects  at  a 
glance  the  follies  and  oddities  of  the  great  world,  and 
gives  them  to  us  with  good-humored  and  graceful  satire  ; 
but  her  home  is  in  the  soul — there,  in  the  still  chamber, 
to  watch  and  describe  the  struggle  of  purity  against 
temptation,  energy  against  indolence,  aspiration  against 
despondency.'  The  great  charm  of  this  popular  writer 
is,  that  she  is  deeply  religious,  without  being  theolo- 
gical. 

Mary  Howitt's  writings  have  similar  attractions,  aris- 
ing from  their  simplicity  and  naturalness,  their  childlike 
love  of  all  things  in  woods  and  fields,  and  their  affec- 
tionate sympathy  with  the  common  wants  and  woes  of 
humanity ;  but  though  the  religious  sentiment  is  every- 
where present,  there  is  not  such  deep  spirituality,  such 
close  communion  with  the  interior  of  the  soul,  as  in 
Frederika  Bremer. 

Miss  Edgeworth's  books,  so  long  and  so  universally 
known,  can  never  be  otherwise  than  established  favor- 
ites. They  are  admirably  constructed  as  stories,  and 
are  full  of  practical  good  sense,  philosophic  discrimina- 
tion, felicitous  illustration,  and  pure  morality ;  but  the 
sentiment  of  worship  is  absent.  There  is  nothing  in 
opposition  to  religion  ;  it  simply  is  not  there.  It  was 
once  beautifully  said,  ■  Her  system  of  education  has 
helped  the  deaf  to  hear,  and  the  lame  to  walk.  If  she 
had  only  said,  "  Arise  in  the  name  of  Jesus,"  the  miracle 
would  have  been  complete.' 

Catharine   M.   Sedgwick   is  another   writer,   whose 


the  mother's  book.  97 

name  alone  is  a  sufficient  guarantee  that  the  book  is  safe 
for  young  people.  Her  pages  offer  no  sickly  sentimen- 
tality, no  unhealthy  excitement,  but  quiet,  pleasant  pic- 
lures  of  life,  drawn  by  a  wise  and  kind  observer.  The 
moral  teachings  are  excellent ;  everywhere  pervaded  by 
the  genial  spirit  of  that  true  democracy,  which  rests  on 
ihe  Christian  religion  as  its  basis. 

Walter  Scott's  works  are  valuable  to  be  read  in  con- 
nection with  history,  presenting,  as  they  do,  a  lively  pic- 
ture gallery  of  the  manners,  costumes,  and  superstitions 
of  the  past.  They  aim  at  no  high  spirituality,  and 
should  be  accepted  for  what  they  are ;  fresh  and  beauti- 
ful paintings  of  man's  outward  life,  in  times  of  stirring 
and  romantic  incident.  The  author's  social  position 
induced  a  spirit  of  conservatism,  obvious  on  every  page. 
When  he  would  dignify  any  of  the  commonality,  he  is 
prone  to  represent  their  virtues  as  the  growth  of  loyal 
adherence  to  their  masters,  rather  than  of  fidelity  to 
their  own  souls.  The  attention  of  the  youthful  reader 
should  be  drawn  to  this,  simply  as  illustrative  of  the 
influences  operating  on  the  author's  mind.  Indeed,  there 
never  was  a  book  printed,  in  the  perusal  of  which  the 
young  might  not  be  greatly  benefitted  by  the  compan- 
ionship of  a  judicious  parent,  or  some  older  friend,  free 
as  possible  from  sectarian  and  political  prejudices,  and 
desirous  to  present  the  truth  candidly. 

There  is  one  mistake  in  books,  almost  universal, 
against  which  the  young  should  be  guarded  by  the  ex- 
perienced ;  and  that  is,  the  tendency  to  represent  good- 
ness as  generally  rewarded  by  praise  and  success  in  this 
world.     It  stimulates  selfishness,  and  the  experience  of 


• 


98  the  mother's  book. 

life  is  sure  to  prove  it  a  delusion.  To  this  false  expecta- 
tion, and  consequent  disappointment,  may  be  traced  the 
early  weariness  and  discouragement  of  many  in  benevo- 
lent efforts.  The  reward  for  disinterestedness  must  be 
found  in  spiritual  growth  and  inward  peace,  not  in  out- 
ward prosperity,  or  lavish  gratitude.  '  My  kingdom,' 
says  Christ,  'is  not  of  this  World.'  The  lure  held  out 
by  books,  under  the  name  of  'poetical  justice,'  may  help 
to  attract  the  youthful  mind  to  some  extra  exertion  and 
self-sacrifice;  but  the  reaction  produced  by  experience 
deadens  the  generous  sympathies,  which  might  have 
been  kept  alive  by  the  presentation  of  a  purer  motive. 
Never  were  truer  words  than  the  Spanish  proverb,  '  All 
lies,  like  chickens,  come  home  to  roost.' 

To  be  an  intelligent  English  reader,  one  should  be 
well  acquainted  with  the  ancients.  Much  of  our  float- 
ing literature  might  be  profitably  set  aside  to  give  leisure 
for  Plutarch's  Liv|s  and  Anarcharsis'  Travels.  But  it 
seems  to  me  that  this  class  of  reading  peculiarly  requires 
guidance.  The  heroes  of  a  past  age  are  by  no  means 
models  for  this,  and  to  present  them  to  the  youthful 
mind  as  great  men,  without  comment,  has  always 
seemed  to  me  unwise.  Ulysses,  for  example,  is  pre- 
sented to  the  classical  scholar  as  the  wisest  of  the 
Greeks ;  as  '  wise  as  Ulysses '  has  passed  into  prover- 
bial speech  ;  yet  what  a  cunning,  lying  knave  he  was  ! 
It  is  not  easy  to  calculate  the  moral  results  of  such  inci- 
dental teaching.  Modern  defalcation  and  repudiation 
may  be  more  nearly  connected  with  it  than  we  imagine. 
Unquestionably  the  young  student  should  be  made  ac- 
quainted with  Ulysses ;  for  every  fact  in  the  history  of 


99 

man  is  significant  and  useful.  But  he  should  be  looked 
at  in  the  light  of  Christianity,  though  not  tried  by  its 
standard ;  for  that  would  be  unjust  to  him.  The  parent 
should  speak  of  Ulysses  as  he  was,  both  in  his  greatness 
and  his  defects ;  and  sum  up  by  remarking  that  such 
was  the  product  of  the  theology  and  government  of  those 
times,  and  such  their  ideas  of  wisdom;  for  they  had 
never  heard  the  teachings  of  him  who  said,  '  Except  ye 
become  as  little  children,  ye  shall  not  enter  the  kingdom 
of  heaven.' 

Deeply  impressed  as  I  am  with  the  rationality  and 
holiness  of  perfect  forgiveness  of  injuries,  I  could  not 
allow  a  child  of  mine  to  read  any  history,  or  biographies 
of  statesmen  or  warriors,  without  a  running  commentary, 
made  by  the  continual  application  of  the  Christian  stand- 
ard. Violence  and  bloodshed  will  linger  much  longer 
on  the  earth,  for  want  of  these  precautions  in  education. 
Yet  whosoever  would  do  this  worlt>  wisely,  must  first 
have  the  principles  of  peace  clearly  defined  in  his  own 
mind.  The  education  of  a  young  immortal  is  indeed  a 
fearful  responsibility. 

This  allusion  to  war  reminds  me  of  Dymond's  Prin- 
ciples of  Morality ;  a  volume  which  seems  to  me  to  be 
indeed  a  '  diamond  in  the  desert.'  I  know  of  no  other 
book  of  ethics  that  so  consistently  and  uniformly  applies 
the  Christian  standard  to  all  the  relations  of  life.  Caro- 
I.  Kirkland  has  done  the  public  good  service  by 
abridging  this  excellent  work  for  the  use  of  families  and 
schools.  I  think  it  will  indicate  a  considerable  step  in 
human  progress,  when  this  book  casts  out  Paley  from 
our  seminaries  of  learning. 
10 


100  THE   MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

But  it  is  not  enough  that  we  introduce  pure  and  ele- 
vated books  into  our  families.  If  we  would  have  them 
produce  their  full  effect  on  our  children,  we  must  be 
careful  that  our  own  daily  habits  and  incidental  conver- 
sation are  not  at  discord  with  them.  To  many  families 
the  following  remarks  by  Frederika  Bremer  are  but  too 
applicable : 

1  The  daughters  of  the  house  were  taught  that  all 
pomp  and  pleasure  of  this  world  was  only  vanity ;  that 
nothing  was  important  and  worth  striving  after,  but  vir- 
tue and  unblemished  worth.  Yet,  for  all  this,  it  so  hap- 
pened that  the  most  lively  interest  and  endeavors,  and 
the  warmest  wishes  of  the  hearts  of  all,  were  directed  to 
wealth,  rank,  and  worldly  fortune  of  every  kind.  The 
daughters  were  taught  that  in  all  things  the  will  of  God 
must  direct  them;  yet  in  every  instance  they  were 
guided  by  the  fear  of  man.  They  were  taught  that 
beauty  was  of  no  jValue ;  yet  they  were  often  compelled 
to  feel,  and  that  painfully,  in  the  paternal  house,  that 
they  were  not  handsome.  They  were  allowed  to  culti- 
vate some  talents,  and  acquire  some  knowledge,  but  God 
forbid  that  they  should  ever  become  learned  women ;  on 
which  account,  they  learned  nothing  thoroughly ;  though 
in  many  instances  they  pretended  to  knowledge,  without 
possessing  anything  of  its  spirit,  its  nourishing  strength, 
or  its  esteem-inspiring  earnestness.  But  above  all 
things,  they  learned,  and  this  only  more  and  more  pro- 
foundly the  more  their  years  increased,  that  marriage 
was  the  goal  of  their  being ;  and  in  consequence  thereof, 
(though  this  was  never  inculcated  in  words,)  to  esteem 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  -  101 

the  favor  of  man  as  the  highest  happiness ;  denying  all 
the  time  that  they  thought  so.' 

Few  things  have  a  greater  tendency  to  produce  refine- 
ment than  good  poetry.  It  is  therefore  wise  to  cultivate 
a  taste  for  it,  by  encouraging  children  to  commit  to 
memory  such  verses  as  are  at  once  attractive  in  style, 
and  healthy  in  their  moral  tone.  Wordsworth  and 
Mary  Howitt  have  written  several  that  are  peculiarly 
well  adapted  to  this  purpose.  American  poets,  too, 
have  furnished  many  a  gem  for  the  delight  of  childhood. 
If  these  things  can  be  sung  as  well  as  said,  it  adds 
another  innocent  delight  to  life,  another  attraction  to 
home.  In  the  choice  of  tunes,  care  should  be  taken  not 
to  overstrain  the  childish  voice,  and  thus  injure  its  future 
sweetness.  Still  more  care  should  be  taken  in  the  selec- 
tion of  songs.  The  early  writings  of  Thomas  Moore 
ought  to  be  avoided,  like  poison  concealed  in  honey- 
dew  ;  especially  at  that  romantic  age  when  the  young 
heart  begins  to  swell  with  undefined  yearnings  and 
aspirations,  like  the  flower-bud  bursting  from  its  calyx. 
Moore  himself  would  gladly  recall  many  of  these  effu- 
sions, which  have  gone  the  wide  world  over,  on  the 
wings  of  music.  A  friend  once  inquired  at  what  time 
he  began  to  regret  the  publication  of  these  voluptuous 
songs.  *  When  I  had  a  daughter  old  enough  to  read 
them,'  was  the  reply. 

It  may  perhaps  assist  some  inexperienced  parents  to 

ni'-ution  a  few  of  those  books  which  appear  to  me  most 

valuable  for  young  people.     The  list  is,  of  course,  very 

rfect,  because  my  limits  make  it  necessary  that  it 

should  be  brief.     I  doubtless  omit  very  many  that  de- 


102  THE   MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

serve  commendation ;  but  I  mention  none  which  do  not 
appear  to  me  excellent  of  their  kind. 

For  Children  Four  or  Five  Years  Old. 

Mrs.  Barbauld's  Lessons  for  Children.  All  unite 
in  cordially  approving  this  lady's  writings.  Good  sense 
is  clothed  in  very  attractive  simplicity,  and  the  thoughts 
are  continually  directed  to  Godr  as  the  Giver  of  all  that 
we  enjoy. 

Mamma's  Lessons.  An  uncommonly  excellent  little 
book. 

Original  Poems  for  Infant  Minds.  By  Jane  Tay- 
ior.  The  books  of  this  author  are  among  the  best. 
They  are  beautifully  written,  and  a  mild  spirit  of  reli- 
gion pervades  them  all. 

Rhymes  for  the  Nursery.  By  the  same  author. 
This  is  very  fascinating  to  Kttle  children. 

Early  Lessons.     By  Maria  Edgeworth. 

Rollo  Learning  to  Talk. 

Nursery  Songs.  By  Eliza  L.  Follen,  author  of 
Married  Life. 

For  Children  Five  or  Six  Years  Old. 

Mrs.  Barbauld's  Prose  Hymns.  In  this  volume, 
religious  sublimity  is  clothed  in  child-like  simplicity. 

Harry  and  Lucy.  Frank.  Rosamond.  By  Maria 
Edgeworth.  These  books  will  maintain  their  place  in 
juvenile  libraries  as  long  as  the  language  lasts. 

Mrs.  Trimmer's  Introduction  to  the  Knowledge 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  103 

of  Nature.  Mrs.  Trimmer  is  an  excellent  writer  of 
juvenile  books.     Her  influence  is  very  pure. 

Stories  for  Children  in  Familiar  Verse.  Ditties 
for  Children.  By  Nancy  Sproat.  The  familiar,  sim- 
ple style  of  this  writer  is  very  attractive  to  little  folks. 
Parents  who  are  strongly  opposed  to  Calvinism,  may 
here  and  there  find  a  verse  to  which  they  would  object. 

Rollo  Learning  to  Read. 

For  Children  Seven  or  Eight  Years  Old. 

Frank,  continued.  Harry  and  Lucy,  continued. 
By  Maria  Edge  worth. 

Pleasing  Stories.  Stories  for  Children.  Aunt 
Mary's  Tales  for  Boys.  Aunt  Mary's  Tales  for 
Girls.     By  Mrs.  Hughs. 

Rollo  at  Play.    Rollo  at  School.    Rollo  at  Work. 

Berquin's  Children's  Friend.  A  favorite  of  long 
standing. 

Adventures  of  Congo  in  Search  of  his  Master. 
This  is  very  popular  with  young  readers. 

The  Robins.  By  Mrs.  Trimmer.  A  great  favorite 
with  children. 

The  Mirror.  By  Miss  Leslie.  A  pleasant,  sensi- 
ble book. 

The  Story  without  an  End.  A  very  poetic  little 
volume,  which  leads  the  young  soul  joyously  forth  into 
Nature,  where  he  is  spoken  to  with  a  welcoming  voice 
by  all  things. 

10* 


104  the  mother's  book. 

Sketches  of  Natural  History,  in  Verse.  Tales  in 
Verse.     By  Mary  Howitt. 

Robert  Fowls.  James  Talbot.  By  Miss  Savage. 
Uncommonly  good. 

For  Children  Nine  or  Ten  Years  Old. 

The  Parent's  Assistant.  By  Maria  Edge  worth. 
This  is  composed  of  admirable  stories,  such  as  Simple 
Susan,  Forgive  and  Forget,  &c. 

Evenings  at  Home.  By  Mrs.  Barbauld,  and  her 
Brother,  Dr.  Aiken.     A  work  of  first  rate  merit. 

Mrs.  Leicester's  School.  By  Charles  Lamb  and 
his  Sister.  Mary  Howitt  calls  this  '  a  charming  book, 
written  perfectly  in  the  spirit  of  childhood.' 

The  Girl's  Own  Book  ;  by  Mrs.  Child.  The  Amer- 
ican Girl's  Book;  by  Miss  Leslie.  These  books  are 
very  acceptable  to  girls.  They  are  full  of  games,  rid- 
dles, instructions  for  various  kinds  of  work,  play,  &c. 

Boy's  Own  Book.  An  encyclopedia  of  boyish  sports 
and  experiments. 

Rollo's  Travels.  Rollo's  Experiments.  Rollo's 
Museum.  The  Rollo  Books,  by  Jacob  Abbott,  have 
found  universal  favor,  both  with  parents  and  children. 
They  relate,  in  very  simple  and  familiar  style,  the  every- 
day trials  and  temptations  of  juvenile  life.  They  are 
well  calculated  to  impart  clear  ideas  of  right  and  wrong, 
to  encourage  habits  of  observation,  and  form  characters 
of  plain  practical  common  sense. 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  105 

For  Children  Eleven  and  Twelve  Years  Old. 

Moral  Tales.     By  Maria  Edgeworth. 

Sequel  to  Frank.  Sequel  to  Harry  and  Lucy. 
By  the  same. 

Sandford  and  Merton.  By  Mr.  Day.  A  great  fa- 
vorite with  boys. 

Ellen  the  Teacher.  By  Mrs.  Hofland.  An  ex- 
cellent book. 

The  Twin  Sisters.  By  Miss  Sandham.  A  reli- 
gious, good  book. 

Birds  and  Flowers.  By  Mary  Howitt.  The  love 
of  nature,  and  of  all  simple,  gentle  things,  taught  by  this 
charming  volume,  is  well  calculated  to  keep  the  heart 
forever  fresh  and  young.  Except  religion,  and  the  love 
of  a  happy  home,  there  is  no  blessing  to  the  human  soul, 
so  great  and  so  abiding,  as  delight  in  all  common  forms 
of  beauty ;  a  joyful  companionship  with  birds  and  squir- 
rels, mosses,  pebbles,  and  ferns. 

Life  and  Maxims  of  William  Penn.  By  Mrs. 
Hughs. 

The  Young  Emigrants.  This  book,  understood  to 
be  written  by  Mrs.  Sedgwick,  is  extremely  entertaining 
and  instructive.  In  a  lively  narrative  of  adventures  at 
the  West,  it  teaches  the  important  lesson  that  there  is  no 
education  equal  to  the  education  of  circumstances,  and 
no  way  to  quicken  the  faculties,  like  bringing  them  into 
constant  use. 

TnE  Travellers.     By  Catharine  M.  Sedgwick. 


106  THE   MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

Tales  of  a  Grandfather.     By  Walter  Scott. 

Robinson  Crusoe.  Abridged  from  Defoe.  A  book 
universally  fascinating,  but  not  altogether  a  safe  stimu- 
lus for  a  boy  of  a  rambling  and  adventurous  spirit. 

The  Swiss  Family  Robinson.  A  sensible  and  popu- 
lar book. 

For  Young  Persons  of  Thirteen  and  Fourteen. 

Popular  Tales.     By  Maria  Edgeworth. 

Display.  By  Jane  Taylor.  An  admirable  book  for 
girls  of  this  age. 

The  Cottagers  of  Glenburnie.  By  Miss  Hamil- 
ton. Full  of  practical  good  sense  and  religious  benevo- 
lence. 

Home.  Ends  and  Means.  The  Poor  Rich  Man. 
By  Catharine  M.  Sedgwick.  Most  excellent  and 
pleasant  books. 

Strive  and  Thrive.  Hope  On  and  Hope  Ever. 
Little  Coin  Much  Care.  Work  and  Wages.  By 
Mary  Howitt.  Genial  and  healthy  in  morals,  and 
very  attractive. 

It  is  of  very  great  importance  that  children  should 
perfectly  understand  what  they  read.  They  should  be 
encouraged  to  give  clear  and  distinct  accounts  of  what 
they  have  read;  and  when  you  are  doubtful  whether 
they  know  the  meaning  of  a  word,  be  sure  to  ask  them. 
If  you  yourself  do  not  know,  do  not  hesitate  to  say  so, 


THE    MOTHER  S    BOOK. 


107 


and  refer  them  to  the  dictionary.  Some  people  think 
it  diminishes  respect  to  acknowledge  ignorance  ;  hut 
the  fear  is  unfounded.  Good  sense  and  good  judgment 
command  respect,  whether  they  are  accompanied  hy 
great  extent  of  information,  or  not.  No  child  ever 
respected  a  judicious  parent  less  for  saying,  '  When  I 
was  young,  I  did  not  have  such  opportunities  for  learn- 
ing as  you  have  ;  hut  I  know  how  to  value  knowledge ; 
and  that  makes  me  so  anxious  you  should  learn.' 

The  habit,  which  I  recommended  in  the  third  chapter, 
of  directing  the  attention  of  very  little  children  to  sur- 
rounding objects,  lays  an  excellent  foundation  for  obtain- 
ing clear  and  accurate  ideas  of  what  is  read.  The  same 
habit  of  observation,  that  leads  them  to  remark  whether 
a  thing  is  round  or  square,  likewise  leads  them  to  attend 
to  the  sense  of  what  they  find  in  books. 

I  believe  the  multitude  of  little  books  generally  put 
into  the  hands  of  children  are  an  injury,  rather  than  a 
benefit.  Juvenile  ideas  are  rapid  and  transient ;  and  a 
repetition  of  the  same  thoughts  makes  them  familiar  and 
distinct.  Ideas  produce  such  a  transient  impression  upon 
the  mind  of  an  infant,  that  he  is  never  weary  of  hearing 
the  same  old  story,  over  and  over  again ;  it  is  always 
new  to  him,  because  he  forgets  it  as  soon  as  it  is  repeated. 
The  same  remark  is  true,  in  different  degrees,  of  all  the 
various  stages  of  childhood.  It  is  better  to  read  one 
book  and  understand  it  perfectly,  than  to  read  a  dozen 
and  understand  them  imperfectly.  It  is  astonishing  how 
much  pleasure  and  information  are  lost  by  careless 
readers.     An   instructer  once  said  to  me,  *I  heard  a 


108  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

young  lady  read  The  Abbot,  by  Sir  Walter  Scott. 
When  she  had  finished,  I  tried  to  persuade  her  to  tell 
me  what  she  thought  of  it,  and  what  she  remembered. 
"  Why,  after  all,"  she  replied,  "  Scott  does  not  tell 
whether  Queen  Mary  had  sandy  hair,  or  dark  hair.  I 
was  in  hopes  he  would,  for  I  always  wanted  to  know." 
This  girl  was  naturally  bright  and  intelligent;  but  she 
had  not  been  accustomed  to  attend  to  anything,  except 
what  related  to  dress  and  personal  appearance.  The 
descriptions  of  Scottish  scenery,  the  workings  of  religious 
prejudice,  the  intrigues  of  political  faction,  the  faithful 
pictures  of  life  and  manners,  were  all  lost  upon  her. 
She  did  not  observe  them,  because  she  had  never  formed 
the  habit  of  observing.  She  read  through  these  two 
volumes,  so  full  of  historical  interest,  without  feeling 
interested  in  anything  but  the  color  of  Queen  Mary's 
hair.' 

Had  she  never  read  more  than  half  a  dozen  books  in 
her  life,  and  been  called  upon  to  give  a  faithful  account 
of  them,  it  would  have  been  impossible  for  her  to  be  so 
entirely  unobserving  of  the  beauties  of  that  admirable 
work.. 

To  conclude,  I  would  suggest  that  it  is  better  to  have 
a  few  good  books  than  many  middling  ones.  It  is  not 
well  for  young  people  to  have  a  great  variety.  If  there 
are  but  few  books  in  the  house,  and  those  are  interest- 
ing, they  will  be  read  over  and  over  again,  and  well 
remembered.  A  perpetual  succession  of  new  works 
induces  a  habit  of  reading  hastily  and  carelessly ;  and, 
of  course,  their  contents  are  either  forgotten,  or  jum- 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK.  109 

bled  up  in  the  memory  in   an  indistinct  and  useless 
form.  .^m^-  .   . 

Franklin  said  wisely,  '  Any  book  that  is  worth  read- 
ing once,  is  worth  reading  twice ;'  and  there  is  much 
good  sense  in  the  Roman  maxim,  '  Read  mucky  but  do 
not  read  many  books.'* 


CHAP.     VIII. 


POLITENESS. 


In  politeness,  as  in  many  other  things  connected  with 
the  formation  of  character,  people  in  general  begin  out- 
side, when  they  should  begin  inside ;  instead  of  begin- 
ning with  the  heart,  and  trusting  that  to  form  the  man- 
ners, they  begin  with  the  manners,  and  trust  the  heart 
to  chance  influences.  The  golden  rule  contains  the 
very  life  and  soul  of  politeness.  Children  may  be  taught 
to  make  a  graceful  courtesy,  or  a  gentlemanly  bow, — 
but,  unless  they  have  likewise  been  taught  to  abhor 
what  is  selfish,  and  always  prefer  another's  comfort  and 
pleasure  to  their  own,  their  politeness  will  be  entirely 
artificial,  and  used  only  when  it  is  their  interest  to  use 

*  Pliny,  who  gave  this  advice,  lived  long  before  the  invention  of 
printing;  if  such  a  precaution  were  necessary  then,  what  would  he 
■ay  now? 


110  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

it.  On  the  other  hand,  a  truly  benevolent,  kind- 
hearted  person  will  always  be  distinguished  for  what  is 
called  native  politeness,  though  entirely  ignorant  of  the 
conventional  forms  of  society. 

I  by  no  means  think  graceful  manners  of  small  im- 
portance. They  are  the  outward  form  of  refinement  in 
the  mind,  and  good  affections  in  the  heart ;  and  as  such 
must  be  lovely.  But  when  the  form  exists  without  the 
vital  principle  within,  it  is  as  cold  and  lifeless  as  flowers 
carved  in  marble. 

Politeness,  either  of  feeling  or  of  manner,  can  never 
be  taught  by  set  maxims.  Every-day  influence,  so  un- 
consciously exerted,  is  all  important  in  forming  the  char- 
acters of  children ;  and  in  nothing  more  important  than 
in  their  manners.  If  you  are  habitually  polite,  your 
children  will  become  so,  by  the  mere  force  of  imitation, 
without  any  specific  directions  on  the  subject.  Your 
manners  at  home  should  always  be  such  as  you  wish 
your  family  to  have  in  company.  Politeness  will  then 
be  natural  to  them  ;  they  will  possess  it  without  thinking 
about  it.  But  when  certain  outward  observances  are 
urged  in  words,  as  important  only  because  they  make 
us  pleasing,  they  assume  an  undue  importance,  and  the 
unworthiness  of  the  motive  fosters  selfishness.  Besides, 
if  our  own  manners  are  not  habitually  consistent  with 
the  rules  we  give,  they  will  be  of  little  avail ;  they  will 
in  all  probability  be  misunderstood,  and  will  certainly 
be  forgotten.  I,  at  this  moment,  recollect  an  anecdote, 
which  plainly  shows  that  politeness  cannot  be  shuffled 
on  at  a  moment's  warning,  like  a  garment  long  out  of 
use.  A  worthy,  but  somewhat  vulgar  woman,  residing 
in  a  secluded  village,  expected  a  visit  from  strangers  of 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


ill 


i 


some  distinction.  On  the  spur  of  the  occasion,  she 
called  her  children  together,  and  said,  '  After  I  have 
dressed  you  up,  you  must  sit  very  still,  till  the  company 
comes ;  and  then  you  must  be  sure  to  get  Up  and  make 
your  bows  and  courtesies ;  and  you  must  mind  and  say 
"Yes,  ma'am,"  and  "No,  ma'am" — "Yes,  sir,"  and 
"No,  sir" — "I  thank  you."'  The  visitors  arrived — 
and  the  children,  seated  together  like  '  four  and  twenty 
little  dogs  all  of  a  row,'  uprose  at  once,  bobbed  their 
bows  and  courtesies,  and  jabbered  over,  ■  Yes,  ma'am — 
no,  ma'am — yes,  sir — no,  sir — I  thank  you — There, 
modier  now  we've  done  it !' 

Foreigners  charge  us  with  a  want  of  courtesy  to  each 
other  in  our  usual  intercourse ;  and  I  believe  there  is 
some  truth  in  the  accusation.  On  all  great  occasions, 
the  Americans  are  ready,  heart  and  hand,  to  assist  each 
other ;  but  how  much  more  gracefully  and  happily  the 
French  manage  in  the  ten  thousand  petty  occurrences 
of  life !  And,  after  all,  life  is  made  up  of  small  events. 
The  golden  chain  of  existence  is  composed  of  innumer- 
able little  links  ;  and  if  we  rudely  break  them,  we  injure 
its  strength,  as  well  as  mar  its  beauty. 

The  happiest  married  couples  I  have  ever  known 
were  those  who  were  scrupulous  in  paying  to  each  other 
a  thousand  minute  attentions,  generally  thought  too 
trifling  to  be  of  any  importance ;  and  yet  on  these  very 
trifles  depended  their  continued  love  for  each  other. 
A  birth-day  present,  accompanied  with  a  kind  look  or 
word — reserving  for  each  other  the  most  luxurious  fruit, 
or  the  most  comfortable  chair — nay,  even  the  habit  of 
always  saying,  '  Will  you  have  the  goodness  ?'  and 
1  Thank  you  ' — all  these  seemingly  trivial  things  have  a 
11 


112 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


great  effect  on  domestic  felicity,  and  on  the  manners  of 
children.  Early  habits  of  preferring  others  to  ourselves 
are  very  important.  A  child  should  always  be  taught 
to  give  away  the  largest  slice  of  his  apple,  or  his  cake, 
and  to  take  his  whistle  immediately  from  his  mouth,  if 
a  sick  little  brother  or  sister  is  anxious  for  it.  I  believe 
the  easy  and  natural  politeness  of  the  French  may  in  a 
great  measure  be  attributed  to  their  remarkable  care  in 
forming  such  early  habits  of  self-denial. 

I  cordially  approve  of  the  good  old  fashion  of  never 
saying  *  Yes,'  or  '  No,'  to  those  older  than  ourselves.  It 
appears  to  me  peculiarly  proper  and  becoming  for  young 
persons  ahvays  to  rise  w7hen  addressed  by  those  whose 
age  or  character  demands  respect.  I  am  surprised  to 
see  how  seldom  the  young  give  an  aged  person  the 
inner  side  of  the  walk,  when  they  meet  in  the  street ; 
and  still  more  so  when  I  see  them  unceremoniously  push 
by  their  elders,  while  entering  or  leaving  a  room. 

It  is  a  graceful  habit  for  children  to  say  to  each  other, 
*  Will  you  have  the  goodness  ?' — and  *  I  thank  you.'  I 
do  not  like  to  see  prim,  artificial  children ;  there  are 
few  things  I  dislike  so  much  as  a  miniature  beau,  or 
belle.  But  the  habit  of  good  manners  by  no  means 
implies  affectation  or  restraint.  It  is  quite  as  easy  to 
say, '  Please  to  give  me  a  piece  of  pie,'  as  to  say, '  I  want 
a  piece  of  pie.' 

The  idea  that  constant  politeness  would  render  social 
life  too  stiff  and  restrained,  springs  from  a  false  estimate 
of  politeness.  True  politeness  is  perfect  ease  and  free- 
dom. It  simply  consists  in  treating  others  just  as  you 
love  to  be  treated  yourself.  A  person  who  acts  from 
this  principle  will  always  be  said  to  have  *  sweet  pretty 


l 


113 

ways  with  her.'  It  is  of  some  consequence  that  your 
daughter  should  know  how  to  enter  and  leave  a  room 
gracefully ;  but  it  is  of  prodigiously  more  consequence 
that  she  should  be  in  the  habit  of  avoiding  whatever  is 
disgusting  or  offensive  to  others,  and  of  always  preferring 
their  pleasure  to  her  own.  If  she  has  the  last,  a  very 
little  intercourse  with  the  world  will  teach  her  the  first. 

I  believe  nothing  tends  to  make  people  so  awkward 
as  too  much  anxiety  to  please  others.  Nature  is  grace- 
ful ;  and  affectation,  with  all  her  art,  can  never  produce 
any  thing  half  so  pleasing.  The  very  perfection  of  el- 
egance is  to  imitate  nature  as  closely  as  possible ;  and 
how  much  better  it  is  to  have  the  reality  than  the  imi- 
tation !  I  shall  probably  be  reminded  that  the  best  and 
most  unaffected  people  are  often  constrained  and  awk- 
ward in  company  to  which  they  are  unaccustomed.  I 
answer,  the  reason  is,  they  do  not  act  themselves — they 
are  afraid  they  shall  not  do  right,  and  that  very  fear 
makes  them  do  wrong.  Anxiety  about  the  opinion  of 
others  fetters  the  freedom  of  nature.  At  home,  where 
they  act  from  within  themselves,  they  would  appear  a 
thousand  times  better.  All  would  appear  well,  if  they 
never  tried  to  assume  what  they  did  not  possess.  Every- 
body is  respectable  and  pleasing  so  long  as  he  is  per- 
fectly natural.  I  will  make  no  exception — Nature  is 
always  graceful.  The  most  secluded  and  the  most  ig- 
norant have  some  charm  about  them,  so  long  as  they 
t&KA  nothing — so  long  as  they  speak  and  act  from  the 
impulses  of  their  own  honest  hearts,  without  any  anxie- 
ty as  to  what  others  think  of  it. 

Coarseness  and  vulgarity  are  the  effects  of  education 
and  habit ;  they  cannot  be  charged  upon  nature.     True 


114  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

politeness  may  be  cherished  in  the  hovel  as  well  as  m 
the  palace ;  and  the  most  tattered  drapery  cannot  conceal 
its  winning  charms. 

As  far  as  is  consistent  with  your  situation  and  duties, 
early  accustom  your  children  to  an  intercourse  with 
strangers.  I  have  seen  young  persons  who  were  re- 
spectful and  polite  at  home,  seized  with  a  most  painful 
and  unbecoming  bashfulness,  as  soon  as  a  guest  entered. 
To  avoid  this  evil,  allow  children  to  accompany  you  as 
often  as  possible,  when  you  make  calls  and  social  visits. 
Occasional  interviews  with  intelligent  and  cultivated 
individuals  have  a  great  influence  on  early  character  and 
manners,  particularly  if  parents  evidently  place  a  high 
value  upon  acquaintances  of  that  description.  I  have 
known  the  destiny  of  a  whole  family  changed  for  the 
better,  by  the  friendship  of  one  of  its  members  with 
a  person  of  superior  advantages  and  correct  principles. 

But  it  must  be  remembered  that  a  call,  or  a  social  visit, 
may  be  made  almost  as  injurious  as  a  party,  if  children 
are  encouraged  in  showing  off,  or  constantly  habituated 
to  hearing  themselves  talked  about.  Much  as  the  failing 
has  been  observed  and  laughed  at,  it  is  still  too  common 
for  mothers  to  talk  a  great  deal  about  their  children. 
The  weariness  with  which  strangers  listen  to  such  do- 
mestic accounts  is  a  slight  evil  compared  with  the  mis- 
chief done  to  children,  by  inducing  them  to  think  them- 
selves of  so  much  importance :  they  should  never  be 
taught  to  consider  themselves  of  any  consequence,  ex- 
cept at  home  in  the  bosom  of  their  own  families. 

Nothing  tends  to  foster  the  genuine  politeness  which 
springs  from  good  feeling,  so  much  as  scrupulous  atten- 
tion  to   the    aged.      There   is  something    extremely 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  115 

delightful  and  salutary  in  the  free  and  happy  intercourse 
of  the  old  and  young.  The  freshness  and  enthusiasm 
of  youth  cheers  the  dreariness  of  age ;  and  age  can 
return  the  benefit  a  hundred  fold,  by  its  mild  maxims  of 
experience  and  wisdom.  In  this  country,  youth  and 
age  are  too  much  separated ;  the  young  flock  together, 
and  leave  the  old  to  themselves.  We  seem  to  act  upon 
the  principle  that  there  cannot  be  sympathy  between 
these  two  extremes  of  life ;  whereas  there  may  be, 
in  fact,  a  most  charming  sympathy — a  sympathy 
more  productive  of  mutual  benefit  than  any  other  in 
the  world. 

The  aged,  from  the  loneliness  of  their  situation,  the 
want  of  active  employment,  and  an  enfeebled  state  of 
health,  are  apt  to  look  upon  the  world  with  a  gloomy 
eye ;  and  sometimes  their  gloom  is  not  unmixed  with 
bitterness  :  hence  arises  the  complaint  of  their  harshness 
and  asperity  towards  the  follies  of  youth.  These  evils,  so 
naturally  growing  out  of  their  isolated  situation,  would 
seldom  gain  power  over  the  old,  if  they  were  accustomed 
to  gentleness,  attention,  and  deference  from  the  young  ; 
they  would  be  softened  by  juvenile  love,  and  cheered 
by  juvenile  gaiety.  Such  intercourse  sheds  a  quiet 
brightness  on  the  decline  of  life,  like  sunshine  on  a 
weather-beaten  tree,  or  a  moss-covered  dwelling.  What 
is  there  on  earth  more  beautiful  than  an  aged  person  full 
of  content  and  benevolence  ! 

In  China,  it  is  the  custom  for  young  people  always  to 
stand  with  head  uncovered  in  the  presence  of  their 
seniors.  Perhaps  this  is  carrying  the  outward  forms  of 
respect  to  an  inconvenient  excess  ;  but  the  principle  is 
true  t<  i  nature  and  goodness.  The  mere  circumstance  of 
11  * 


, 


* 


•     • 


16  THE   MOTHER'S   BOOK. 


being  old  should  insure  peculiar  deference  and  attention 
even  from  strangers.  It  is  considered  a  sign  of  a  good 
heart  to  love  little  children ;  I  think  spontaneous  kind- 
ness for  the  aged  is  a  much  better  proof.  I  have  seen 
gentlemen,  who,  in  mixed  companies,  always  bestowed 
the  largest  share  of  attention  upon  the  old  and  neg- 
lected.— Had  I  a  beloved  daughter,  I  would  choose  such 
a  man  for  her  husband. 

The  German  custom  of  giving  Christmas  presents  to 
parents,  brothers,  and  sisters,  has  a  happy  influence 
upon  the  afFections,  and  of  course  upon  the  manners. 
The  enjoyment  is  entirely  anti-selfish — it  consists  in 
the  experience,  that  *  it  is  more  blessed  to  give  than  to 
receive.1  What  can  be  purer  than  the  eager  pleasure 
of  a  group  of  children  busy  in  preparing  a  gift  for  a 
parent,  and  anxious  to  keep  their  little  secret,  in  order 
to  produce  a  joyful  surprise  ?  If  their  offerings  are  of 
their  own  manufacture,  a  double  good  is  produced ;  both 
ingenuity  and  love  are  excited,  and  the  motive  that  ex- 
cites them  is  holy.  It  has  a  good  effect  for  parents  to 
place  a  superior  value  upon  whatever  children  make 
themselves — such  as  all  the  varieties  of  needle-books; 
pin-cushions,  boxes,  &c. 

One  very  prevalent  fault  among  children  is  a  want 
of  politeness  to  domestics.  Young  people  should  not, 
from  mere  whim  and  caprice,  be  allowed  to  make  de- 
mands upon  the  time  and  patience  of  those  who  are 
hired  to  attend  upon  the  family.  They  should  make 
no  unnecessary  trouble  in  the  kitchen ;  and  when  they 
ask  for  anything,  they  should  speak  politely — saying, 
'  Will  you  have  the  goodness  ?'  *  I  thank  you,'  &c. 
Such  conduct  greatly  tends  to  make  domestics  more 


* 


THE    MOTHERS    BOOK. 


117 


respectful,  kind,  and  obliging.  Miss  Edgeworth,  in  her 
work  on  Education,  recommends  that  children  should 
never  be  allowed  to  speak  a  single  word  to  a  servant ; 
and  that  they  should  be  kept  in  a  part  of  the  house 
entirely  remote,  for  fear  of  contamination.  Such  a  sys- 
tem cannot  be  carried  into  effect  in  this  country  ;  and  I 
am  thankful  it  cannot.  A  child  cannot  know  the  nature 
of  such  an  injunction, — his  inexperienced  mind  cannot 
form  an  idea  of  the  frightful  and  vulgar  stories  his 
mother  dreads  his  hearing  in  the  kitchen.  He  is  told 
not  to  talk  with  the  domestics,  and  he  at  once  conceives 
an  idea  of  superiority,  and  thinks  he  is  not  bound  to 
pay  any  regard  to  their  feelings  or  happiness.  This 
principle  is  a  bad  one,  under  any  form  of  government ; 
but  in  our  country  its  application  is  peculiarly  prepos- 
terous ;  for  those  who  are  servants  now  may  be  mistresses 
next  year ;  and  those  who  keep  domestics  now  may  be 
domestics  hereafter.  Still,  I  think  it  is  very  injurious  to 
children  to  form  a  habit  of  staying  in  the  kitchen ;  not 
on  account  of  any  difference  in  station, — but  because 
we  change  domestics  so  frequently  in  this  country,  and 
must  necessarily  be  often  uncertain  as  to  their  habits 
and  principles.  If  I  were  sure  that  a  girl  was  conscien- 
tious, and  never  told  vulgar  or  superstitious  stories,  I 
should  be  perfecdy  willing  to  trust  children  of  any  age 
to  her  influence.  And  even  if  she  were  a  stranger  to 
me,  I  would  never  forbid  a  child's  going  into  the 
kitchen,  or  advise  him  not  to  talk  with  her.  I  should 
rather  he  would  run  the  risk  of  hearing  a  vulgar,  or 
superstitious  story,  than  to  infest  his  spirit  with  pride. 
But  though  I  would  never  give  children  any  rules  to 
this  effect,   I  would    by    ;i    silent  influence   korp  them 


118  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

with  myself  as  much  as  possible.  I  would  make  the 
parlor  pleasant  to  them — I  would  supply  them  with 
interesting  employment — I  would  do  everything  to 
promote  full  confidence  and  companionship  between 
them  and  their  parents — I  would  make  the  bond 
between  brothers  and  sisters  strong,  by  fostering  mutual 
love,  by  teaching  them  to  speak  politely,  to  act  kindly, 
to  regard  each  other's  wants,  and  respect  each  other's 
property.  By  these  means,  the  mind  and  the  heart 
would  be  so  occupied,  that  children  would  have  no 
temptation  to  spend  their  evenings  in  the  kitchen.  But 
my  motive  for  pursuing  such  a  guarded  course,  would 
be  no  idea  of  superiority  (for  I  acknowledge  none,  but 
degrees  of  goodness) ;  I  would  withdraw  them  from  the 
influence  of  domestics  merely  because  there  is  a  chance 
that  sue!)  influence  will  be  impure.  If  I  were  certain 
of  the  good  principles  and  judicious  conversation  of  a 
girl,  I  should  not  deem  precaution  necessary.  And  one 
thing  is  certain, — a  domestic  who  is  worthy  of  being 
kept  in  your  house,  is  worthy  of  being  treated  with 
kindness  and  perfect  politeness  ;  and  children  should 
be  early  instructed  never  to  speak  rudely,  or  make 
unnecessary  demands  upon  her  time  and  patience.  I 
am  aware  that  there  are  peculiar  difficulties  attending 
this  relation  in  our  republican  country, — there  is  mutu- 
ally too  much  jealousy  of  being  encroached  upon.  But 
it  is  one  of  the  evils  which  grow  out  of  a  multitude  of 
blessings;  and  whether  a  domestic  be  ungrateful  or  not, 
it  will  be  a  satisfaction  that  you  have  done  your  duty, 
and  taught  your  children  to  do  theirs. 

In  connexion  with  politeness,  I  would  again  allude  to 
the  great  importance  of  habit .?  of  observation.     What 


* 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  119 

is  called  native  politeness  is  entirely  the  result  of  kind 
feelings  combined  with  habits  of  attention.  Everybody 
has  observed  that  men  of  the  world  have  a  wonderful 
facility  in  adapting  themselves  to  all  varieties  of  char- 
acter. Their  faculty  of  pleasing  everybody  seems  like 
instinct,  yet,  in  fact,  it  is  merely  the  result  of  close  ob- 
servation. People  who  have  bad  hearts  can  attain 
this  power,  and  exert  it  when  they  choose,  from  no 
other  excitement  but  vanity,  or  self-interest.  But  this 
is  no  reason  why  the  same  power  should  not  be  exerted 
to  good  purposes,  and  with  good  motives. 

A  ready  discrimination  of  character  is  attained  by 
habits  of  observation ;  and  merely  from  a  want  of  these 
habits,  excellent  hearted  people  often  make  blunders 
painful  to  themselves  and  others.  We  all  know  by  our 
own  feelings,  that  it  is  not  pleasant  to  have  the  atten- 
tion of  strangers  called  to  any  personal  defect  we 
may  have;  yet  well  meaning  people  will  sometimes 
strangely  persist  in  such  conversation. — They  will  not 
only  ask  what  produced  a  scar,  but  they  will  insist  upon 
knowing  how  long  you  have  been  troubled  with  it, 
whether  the  distemper  is  hereditary  in  your  family,  and 
whether  you  ever  expect  it  will  appear  again.  It  is  a 
chance  if  they  do  not  gratuitously  add  stories  of  half  a 
dozen  individuals,  who  died  of  the  same  disorder,  or  be- 
stowed it  upon  their  children. 

Some  people  are  singularly  perverse  in  praising  such 
qualities  as  their  hearers  do  not  possess,  and  perhaps 
have  no  means  of  possessing.  For  instance,  talking  to 
the  poor  about  the  great  power  and  influence  of  wealth, 
— enlarging  upon  the  prodigious  advantages  of  intelli- 
gence and  learning  to  the  uneducated — and  flying  into 


,,-i  i 


120  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

raptures  about  beauty  in  presence  of  the  ugly  and  de- 
formed. Now,  in  all  these  instances,  a  little  attention 
to  the  movements  of  our  own  minds  would  teach  us  at 
once  how  to  apply  the  golden  rule. 

In  our  intercourse  with  others,  it  should  be  our  object 
to  discover  what  they  wish  to  hear,  not  what  we  wish  to 
say.  Literary  people  are  often  unpleasant  companions  in 
mixed  society,  because  they  frequently  have  not  the  pow- 
er of  adapting  themselves  to  others.  They  have  given 
their  attention  to  books  more  than  to  characters  ;  and  they 
talk  on  such  subjects  as  please  themselves,  without  think- 
ing whether  they  will  please  others.  What  is  called 
affectation  and  pedantry,  is  half  the  time  mere  heedless- 
ness and  want  of  observation. 

Mrs.  Madison  was  esteemed  the  most  thoroughly  po- 
lite woman  in  America.  Others  might  perhaps  enter  a 
room  as  gracefully,  or  superintend  at  table  with  as  much 
dignity ;  the  secret  of  her  power  lay  in  her  wonderful 
adaptation  to  all  sorts  of  characters.  She  was  emphat- 
ically an  observing  woman.  As  Jefferson  had  no  wife, 
she  presided  sixteen  years  at  Washington  5*  during  all 
which  time,  she  is  said  never  to  have  forgotten  the  most 
trifling  peculiarities  of  character,  that  had  once  come 
under  her  observation :  she  always  remembered  them, 
and  fashioned  her  conversation  accordingly.  Some  may 
object  to  the  exercise  of  this  power,  lest  it  should  lead  to 
insincerity ;  and  the  charge  may  well  be  brought  against 
that  kind  of  false  politeness,  which  springs  merely  from  a 
love  of  popularity.     Politeness   is  not  the  only  good 

*  When  the  president  has  no  wife,  or  daughter,  at  Washington,  the  lady 
of  the  highest  officer  in  the  cabinet  presides  at  the  mansion  on  all  stato 
occasions. 


121 

thing  corrupted  by  an  unworthy  motive  ;  all  precious 
coins  have  a  counterfeit.  When  we  are  polite  to  others 
entirely  for  our  own  sokes,  we  are  deceitful ;  nothing 
selfish  has  truth  and  goodness  in  it.  But  there  is  such 
a  thing  as  true  politeness,  always  kind,  but  never  de- 
ceitful. It  is  right  to  cherish  good-will  toward  all  our 
fellow-creatures,  and  to  endeavor  to  make  them  as  hap- 
py as  we  conscientiously  can.  The  outward  forms  of 
politeness  are  but  the  expressions  of  such  feelings  as 
should  be  in  every  human  heart.  It  would  be  wrong 
to  tell  people  we  love  them  dearly,  when  in  fact  we 
know  nothing  about  them  ;  or  to  urge  them  to  visit  our 
houses,  when  we  do  not  want  to  see  them.  But  we  are 
bound  to  be  kind  and  attentive  to  all  our  fellow-crea- 
tures, when  they  come  in  our  way,  and  to  avoid  giving 
them  any  unnecessary  pain,  by  our  manners  or  conver- 
sation. 

In  order  to  teach  children  the  right  sort  of  polite- 
ness, it  must  be  taught  through  the  agency  of  a  pure 
motive.  They  should  not  be  taught  to  observe  and  re- 
spect the  feelings  of  others  for  the  sake  of  making  them- 
selves pleasing,  but  merely  because  it  is  kind  and  be- 
nevolent to  do  so. 

If  I  saw  a  child  point  out  the  patched  or  ragged 
garment  of  a  poor  companion,  I  would  not  say,  *  You 
must  not  laugh  at  her  clothes ;  if  you  do,  she  will  think 
you  are  proud' — I  would  say,  'It  grieves  me  very 
much  to  see  you  so  unkind.  If  your  mother  were  poor, 
and  could  not  afford  to  get  you  new  clothes,  would  it 
not  hurt  your  feelings  to  be  laughed  at?  Does  not  the 
Bible  tell  you  to  do  to  others  as  you  would  wish  to 


• 


122  the  mother's  book. 

have  them  do  to  you?  You  must  observe  this  precious 
rule  in  little  things,  as  well  as  in  great  things.' 

From  the  foregoing  hints,  it  will  be  seen  that  true 
politeness  is  the  spontaneous  movement  of  a  good  heart 
and  an  observing  mind.  Benevolence  will  teach  us 
tenderness  towards  the  feelings  of  others,  and  habits  of 
observation  will  enable  us  to  judge  promptly  and  easily 
what  those  feelings  are. 

Outward  politeness  can  be  learned  in  set  forms  at 
school ;  but  at  the  best,  it  will  be  hollow  and  deceptive. 
Genuine  politeness,  like  everything  else  that  is  genuine, 
must  come  from  the  heart. 


CHAP.     IX. 

BEAUTY.  — DRESS.  — GENTILITY. 

Wherever  there  is  hypocrisy,  or  an  apparent  neces- 
sity for  hypocrisy,  there  is  something  wrong.  In  the 
management  of  children,  are  we  sincere  on  the  subject 
of  beauty  ?  When  we  see  a  handsome  person,  or  a 
handsome  animal,  they  hear  us  eagerly  exclaim,  f  Oh, 
how  beautiful !'  *  What  a  lovely  creature  !'  '  What 
pretty  eyes  !'  •  What  a  sweet  mouth  !'  &c.  Yet  when 
children  say  anything  about  beauty,  we  tell  them  it  is  of 
no  value  at  all — that  they  must  not  think  anything 
about  beauty — '  handsome  is  that  handsome  does,'  he. 

The  influence  would  be  very  contradictory,  did  not  the 
eagerness  of  our  exclamations  and  the  coldness  of  our 


123 

moral  lessons  both  tend  to  the  same  result ;  they  both  give 
children  an  idea  that  the  subject  is  of  great  importance. 
1  Mother  tells  me  beauty  is  of  no  consequence,  because 
she  thinks  I  shall  be  vain  ;  but  I  am  sure  she  and  every- 
body else  seem  to  think  it  is  of  consequence,'  said  a 
shrewd  little  girl  of  ten  years  old. 

It  certainly  is  natural  to  admire  beauty,  whether  it 
be  in  human  beings,  animals,  or  flowers ;  it  is  a  princi- 
ple implanted  within  the  human  mind,  and  we  cannot 
get  rid  of  it.  Beauty  is  the  outward  form  of  goodness  ; 
and  that  is  the  reason  we  love  it  instinctively,  without 
thinking  why  we  love  it.  The  truth  is,  beauty  is  really 
of  some  consequence;  but  of  very  small  consequence 
compared  with  good  principles,  good  feelings,  and 
good  understanding.  In  this  manner  children  ought  to 
hear  it  spoken  of.  There  should  be  no  affected  indiffer- 
ence on  this  or  any  other  subject.  If  a  child  should 
say,  '  Ever)' body  loves  Jane  Snow — she  is  so  pretty,' 
I  would  answer,  '  Is  Jane  Snow  a  good,  kind  little  girl  ? 
I  should  be  pleased  with  her  pretty  face,  and  should 
want  to  kiss  her,  when  I  first  saw  her ;  but  if  I  found 
she  was  cross  and  selfish,  I  should  not  love  her  ;  and  1 
should  not  wish  to  have  her  about  me.'  In  this  way 
the  attention  will  be  drawn  from  the  subject  of  beauty, 
to  the  importance  of  goodness  ;  and  there  is  no  affecta- 
tion in  the  business — the  plain  truth  is  told.  We  do 
l>v<  beauty  at  first  sight ;  and  we  do  cease  to  love  it,  if 
it  be  not  accompanied  by  amiable  qualities. 

Beauty  is  so  much  more  obvious  than  the  qualities  of 

the  mind  and  heart,  and  meets  so  much  more  of  spon- 

niiration,  that  we  should  be  very  much  on 

our  gutfd  against  increasing  the  value  of  a  cift,  whicn 

12 


124 

is  almost  unavoidably  over-rated.  But  we  must  re- 
member that  our  common  and  involuntary  modes  of 
speaking  are  what  form  the  opinions  of  a  child ;  moral 
maxims  have  little,  or  no  effect,  if  they  are  in  opposi- 
tion to  our  usual  manner  of  speaking  and  acting.  For 
this  reason,  I  would  never  call  attention  to  beauty ;  and 
if  dwelt  upon  with  delighted  eagerness  by  others,  I 
would  always  remark,  '  She  looks  as  if  she  had  a  sweet 
disposition,  or  a  bright  mind,1 — thus  leading  the  atten- 
tion from  mere  outward  loveliness  to  moral  and  intellec- 
tual beauty.  I  wrould  even  avoid  constantly  urging  a 
child  to  put  on  a  bonnet,  lest  she  should  be  tanned.  I 
should  prefer  the  simple  reason,  '  It  is  proper  to 
wear  a  bonnet  out  of  doors ;  don't  you  know  mother 
always  wears  one,  when  she  goes  out  ?'  I  would  rather 
a  girl  should  have  her  face  tanned  and  freckled  by  heat, 
than  have  her  mind  tanned  and  freckled  by  vanity. 

Perhaps  there  is  no  gift  with  which  mortals  are  en- 
dowed, that  brings  so  much  danger  as  beauty,  in  propor- 
tion to  the  usefulness  and  happiness  it  produces.  It  is 
so  rare  for  a  belle  to  be  happy,  or  even  contented,  af- 
ter the  season  of  youth  is  past,  that  it  is  considered 
almost  a  miracle.  If  your  daughter  is  handsome,  it  is 
peculiarly  necessary  that  she  should  not  *be  taught  to 
attach  an  undue  importance  to  the  dangerous  gift ;  and 
if  she  is  plain,  it  certainly  is  not  for  her  happiness  to 
consider  it  as  a  misfortune. 

For  the  reasons  above  given,  I  wTould  restrain  myself 
in  expressing  admiration  of  beauty;  and  when  others 
expressed  it,  I  would  always  ask,  *  Is  she  good  ?'  Is  she 
amiable  ?'  fcc.  I  would  even  act  upon  this  system  to- 
ward a  very  little  child.     1  would  not  praise  the  beauty 


the  mother's  book.  125 

of  his  kitten ;  and  if  he  himself  said,  '  Oh,  what  a 
pretty  puss !  How  I  love  her !'  I  would  answer, 
*  She  is  a  pretty  puss,  and  a  good  puss.  If  she  were 
cross,  and  scratched  me  eveiy  time  I  touched  her,  I 
should  not  love  her,  though  her  fur  is  so  pretty.'  All 
this  caution  is  perfectly  consistent  with  truth.  I  would 
never  say  that  beauty  was  of  no  consequence  in  my 
opinion ;  because  I  could  not  say  it  truly. 

With  regard  to  dress,  as  in  most  other  cases,  a  me- 
dium between  two  extremes  is  desirable.  A  love  of 
finery  and  display  is  a  much  more  common  fault  than 
neglect  of  personal  appearance ;  both  should  be  avoided. 
§ome  parents  teach  their  children  to  judge  everybody's 
merit  by  their  dress ;  they  do  not  of  course  say  it,  in 
so  many  direct  words — but  their  influence  produces  that 
effect.     What  else  can  be  the  result  of  hearing  such 

expressions  as  the  following  ? — '  Mr. is  very  much 

of  a  gendeman  ;  he  is  always  remarkably  well  dressed.' 
'Is  such  a  lady  a  desirable  acquaintance?  I  presume 
she  is ;  for  she  is  always  very  genteelly  dressed.' 

There  are  some  people,  who  go  to  the  opposite  ex- 
treme, and  represent  any  attention  to  dress  as  unworthy 
of  a  strong  mind  ;  becoming  costume  is  in  their  eyes  a 
mark  of  frivolity.  I  hardly  know  which  of  the  two 
extremes  is  the  worse.  Extravagance  in  dress  does 
great  mischief  both  to  fortune  and  character ;  but  want 
of  n.atness,  and  want  of  taste  are  peculiarly  disgusting. 
If  finery  betrays  a  frivolous  mind,  sluttishness  and  bad 
iily  betray  an  ill-regulated  one.  Neatness 
;ind  t;i>t<'  naturally  proceed  from  a  love  of  order.  A 
mother  should  not  talk  about  dress,  for  the  same  reasons 
that  she  should  not  talk  about  beauty;  but  she  should 


126  the  mother's  book. 

be  careful  to  have  her  own  dress  always  neat,  and  well- 
fitted,  and  to  show  a  pure  and  delicate  taste  in  the  choice 
of  colors.  By  these  means,  children  will  form  the 
habit  of  dressing  well,  without  ever  thinking  much  about 
it ;  the  habit  will  be  so  early  formed,  that  it  will  seem 
like  a  gift  of  nature.  Miss  Hamilton  gives,  in  one  short 
sentence,  all  that  can  be  said  upon  the  subject  ;  she 
says, '  Always  dress  in  good  taste  ;  but  let  your  children 
see  that  it  employs  very  little  of  your  time,  less  of  your 
thoughts,  and  none  at  all  of  your' affections.' 

The  wish  to  place  children  in  as  good  society  as 
possible  is  natural  and  proper  ;  but  it  must  be  remem- 
bered that  genteel  society  is  not  always  good  society. 
If  your  manners  and  conversation  imply  more  respect 
for  wealth  than  for  merit,  your  children,  of  course,  will 
choose  their  acquaintance  and  friends  according  to  the 
style  they  can  support,  not  according  to  character.  Let 
your  family  see  that  you  most  desire  the  acquaintance 
of  those  who  have  correct  principles,  good  manners, 
and  the  power  of  imparting  information.     I  have  heard 

mothers  say, '  To  be  sure  Mr.  and  Mrs. do  not  bear 

a  very  good  character ;  but  they  live  in  a  great  deal  of 
style ;  they  give  beautiful  parties ;  and  it  is  very 
convenient  to  have  the  friendship  of  such  people.' 
What  sort  of  morality  can  be  expected  of  a  family  who 
have  been  accustomed  to  such  maxims  ?  What  heart- 
less, selfish,  unprincipled  beings  are  formed  by  suclj 
lessons !  If  they  do  not  succeed  in  attaining  the 
splendor  they  have  been  taught  to  covet,  they  will  be 
envious,  jealous,  and  miserable  ;  if  they  do  attain  it,  the 
most  that  can  be  said  is,  they  will  spend  their  thousands 
in  trying  to  appear  happy  before  the  world. 


V*' 


the  mother's  book.  127 

Human  ambition  and  human  policy  labor  after  hap- 
piness in  vain  ;  goodness  is  the  only  foundation  to  build 
upon.  The  wisdom  of  past  ages  declares  this  truth, 
and  our  own  observation  confirms  it;  all  the  world 
acknowledge  it;  yet  how  few,  how  very  few,  are 
willing  to  act  upon  it !  We  say  we  believe  goodness 
is  always  happiness,  in  every  situation  of  life,  and  that 
happiness  should  be  our  chief  study  ;  we  know  that 
wealth  and  distinction  do  not  bring  happiness ;  but  we  are 
anxious  our  children  should  possess  them,  because  they 
appear  to  confer  enjoyment.  What  a  motive  for 
immortal  being- ! 

If  the  inordinate  love  of  wealth  and  parade  be  not 
checked  among  us,  it  will  be  the  ruin  of  our  country, 
as  it  has  been,  and  will  be,  the  ruin  of  thousands  of 
individuals.  What  restlessness,  what  discontent,  what 
bitterness,  what  knavery  and  crime,  have  been  produced 
by  this  eager  passion  for  money  !  Mothers  !  as  you 
love  your  children,  and  wish  for  their  happiness,  be 
careful  how  you  cherish  this  unquiet  spirit,  by  speaking 
and  acting  as  if  you  thought  wealth  the  greatest  good. 
Teach  them  to  consider  money  valuable  only  for  its 
use ;  and  that  it  confers  respectability  only  when  it  is 
used  well.  Teach  them  to  regard  their  childish 
property  as  things  held  in  trust  for  the  benefit  and 
pleasure  of  their  companions — that  the  only  purpose 
of  having  anything  to  call  their  own  is  that  they  may 
use  it  for  the  good  of  others.  If  this  spirit  were  more 
inculcated,  we  should  not  hear  children  so  often  say, 
*  Let  that  alone ;  it  is  mine,  and  you  sha'n't  have  it.' 
Neither  should  we  see  such  ar  "orincipled  scrambling 
12* 


128  the  mother's  book. 

for  wealth — such  willingness  to  cast  off  the  noarr.v 
and  dearest  relations  in  the  pursuit  of  fashion — such 
neglect  of  unfortunate  merit — and  such  servile  adula- 
tion to  successful  villany.  I  will  not  mention  religion, 
— for  its  maxims  have  nothing  in  common  with  worldly 
and  selfish  policy, — I  will  simply  ask  what  republican- 
ism there  is  in  such  rules  of  conduct  ? 

But  there  are  always  two  sides  to  a  question.  If  it 
is  pernicious  to  make  money  and  style  the  standard  of 
respectability,  it  is  likewise  injurious  and  wrong  to  foster 
a  prejudice  against  the  wealthy  and  fashionable.  If  we 
experience  the  slightest  degree  of  pleasure  in  discover- 
ing faults  or  follies  in  those  above  us,  there  certainly  is 
something  wrong  in  our  own  hearts.  Never  say  to  your 
family, '  Such  a  one  feels  above  us ' — '  Such  a  one  is  too 
proud  to  come  and  see  us ' — &c.  In  the  first  place, 
perhaps  it  is  not  true  ;  (for  I  know  by  experience  that 
the  poor  are  apt  to  be  unreasonably  suspicious  of  the 
rich  ;  they  begin  by  being  cold  and  proud  to  their 
wealthy  acquaintance,  for  fear  the  wealthy  mean  to  be 
cold  and  proud  to  them  ;)  and  even  if  it  be  true  that  a 
rich  neighbor  is  haughty,  or  even  insolent,  you  should 
be  careful  not  to  indulge  bad  passions,  because  he  does. 
Your  business  is  with  your  own  heart — keep  that  pure 
— and  measure  out  to  the  rich  man,  as  well  as  the  poor 
man,  just  as  much  of  respect  and  regard  as  their  charac- 
ters deserve,  and  no  more. 

Do  not  suffer  your  mind  to  brood  over  the  external 
distinctions  of  society.  Neither  seek  nor  avoid  those 
who  are  superior  in  fortune ;  meet  them  on  the  same 
ground   as   you   do  the  rest  of  your  fellow-creatures. 


m 


Wk 


the  mother's  book.  129 

There  is  a  dignified  medium  between  cringing  for  notice, 
and  acting  like  a  cat  that  puts  up  her  back  and  spits, 
when  no  dog  is  coming. 

Perhaps  I  say  more  on  this  subject  than  is  necessary 
or  useful.  I  am  induced  to  say  it,  from  having  closely 
observed  the  effect  produced  on  society  by  the  broad 
and  open  field  of  competition  in  this  country.  All 
blessings  are  accompanied  with  disadvantages ;  and  it 
is  the  business  of  the  judicious  to  take  the  good  and 
leave  the  evil.  In  this  country,  every  man  can  make 
his  own  station.  This  is  indeed  a  blessing.  But 
what  are  some  of  the  attendant  dangers  ?  Look  at 
that  parent,  who  is  willing  to  sacrifice  her  comfort,  her 
principles,  nay,  even  her  pride,  for  the  sake  of  pushing 
her  children  into  a  little  higher  rank  of  life. 

Look  at  another,  too  independent  for  such  a  course. 
•  -Hear  how  he  loves  to  rail  about  the  aristocracy — 
how  much  pleasure  he  takes  in  showing  contempt  of 
the  rich.  Is  his  own  heart  right  ?  I  fear  not.  I  fear  that 
unbending  independence,  so  honorable  in  itself,  is  mixed 
with  a  baser  feeling.  The  right  path  is  between  ex- 
tremes. I  would  never  creep  under  a  door,  neither 
would  I  refuse  to  enter  when  it  was  opened  wide  for 
my  reception. 

Poverty  and  wealth  have  different  temptations,  but 
they  are  equally  strong.  The  rich  are  tempted  to  pride 
and  insolence ;  the  poor  to  jealousy  and  envy.  The 
envious  and  discontented  poor  invariably  become  haughty 
and  overbearing  when  rich  ;  for  selfishness  is  equally  at 
the  bottom  of  these  opposite  evils.  Indeed,  it  is  at 
the  bottom  of  all  manner  of  evils. 


'  K 


130  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

CHAP.     X, 

MANAGEMENT  DURING  THE  TEENS. 

The  period  from  twelve  to  sixteen  years  of  age  is 
extremely  critical  in  the  formation  of  character,  partic- 
ularly with  regard  to  daughters.  The  imagination  is 
then  all  alive,  and  the  affections  are  in  full  vigor,  while 
the  judgment  is  unstrengthened  by  observation,  and 
enthusiasm  has  never  learned  moderation  of  experience. 
During  this  important  period,  a  mother  cannbt  be  too 
watchful.  As  much  as  possible,  she  should  keep  a 
daughter  under  her  own  eye  ;  and,  above  all  things,  she 
should  encourage  entire  confidence  towards  herself. 
This  can  be  done  by  a  ready  sympathy  with  youthful 
feelings,  and  by  avoiding  all  unnecessary  restraint  and 
harshness.  I  believe  it  is  extremely  natural  to  choose 
a  mother  in  preference  to  all  other  friends  and  confi- 
dants; but  if  a  daughter,  by  harshness,  indiffeience, 
or  an  unwillingness  to  make  allowance  for  youthful 
feeling,  is  driven  from  the  holy  resting  place,  which 
nature  has  provided  for  her  security,  the  greatest  dan- 
ger is  to  be  apprehended.  Nevertheless,  I  would  not 
have  mothers  too  indulgent,  for  fear  of  weaning  the 
affections  of  children.  This  is  not  the  way  to  gain  the 
perfect  love  of  young  people ;  a  judicious  parent  is 
always  better  beloved,  and  more  respected,  than  a  fool- 
ishly indulgent  one.  The  real  secret  is,  for  a  mother 
never  to  sanction  the  slightest  error,  or  imprudence, 
but  at  the  same  time  to  keep  her  heart  warm  and 
fresh,  ready  to  sympathize  with  all  the  innocent  gaiety 


m 


131 

and  enthusiasm  of  youth.  Salutary  restraint,  but  not 
unnecessary  restraint,  is  desirable. 

I  will  now  proceed  to  state  what  appears  to  me 
peculiarly  important  at  the  age  I  have  mentioned ;  and 
1  trust  the  hints  I  may  suggest  will  prove  acceptable  to 
judicious  parents.  Heedlessness  is  so  commonly  the 
fault  of  the  teens,  that  I  shall  first  mention  the  great 
importance  of  habits  of  order,  and  neatness.  The 
drawers,  trunks  and  work-box  of  a  young  lady  should 
be  occasionally  inspected,  for  the  purpose  of  correct- 
ing any  tendency  to  wastefulness,  or  slutUshness. 
Particular  care  should  be  taken  of  the  teeth  ;  they 
should  be  washed  with  a  clean  brush  and  water  at 
least  twice  a  day ;  to  cleanse  them  just  before  retiring 
to  rest  promotes  sweetness  of  breath,  and  tends  to 
preserve  them  from  decay.  Buttons  off,  muslins  wrink- 
led, the  petticoat  below  the  edge  of  the  gown,  shoe- 
strings broken,  and  hair  loose  and  straggling,  should 
never  pass  unnoticed.  Serious  advice  from  a  father 
on  these  subjects  does  more  good  than  anything  else. 
Smooth,  well  arranged  hair,  and  feet  perfectly  neat, 
give  a  genteel,  tasteful  appearance  to  the  whole 
person. 

A  dress  distinguished  for  simplicity  and  freshness  is 
abundantly  more  lady-like  than  the  ill-placed  furbe- 
lows of  fashion.  It  is  very  common  to  see  vulgar, 
empty-minded  people  perpetually  changing  their  dresses, 
without  ever  acquiring  the  air  of  a  gentlewoman.  If 
there  is  simplicity  in  the  choice  of  colors, — if  clothes 
fit  well,  and  are  properly  pinned,  tied  and  arranged, — if 
they  always  have  a  neat,  fresh  look, — and  above  all, 
if    the    head    and    the   feet   are   always   in   order, — 


132 

nothing  more  is  required  for  a  perfectly  lady-like  ap- 
pearance. 

Nothing  tends  to  produce  a  love  of  order  so  much 
as  the  very  early  habits  of  observation,  and  attention  to 
trifles,  which  I  have  so  particularly  urged  in  various 
parts  of  this  book.  I  would  teach  a  daughter  to 
observe  such  trifling  things  as  the  best  manner  of  opening 
a  new  piece  of  tape ;  and  I  would  take  every  precau- 
tion to  conquer  the  spirit  that  leads  young  people  to 
say  'I  don't  care,'  'No  matter  how  it  is  done,' — he, 

I  have,  in  a  previous  chapter,  spoken  of  the  effect 
which  habits  of  observation  have  upon  politeness  of 
manner;  and  I  cannot,  while  speaking  of  an  age 
peculiarly  liable  to  affectation,  pass  by  the  subject  of 
good  manners  without  saying  a  few  words  more  con- 
cerning that  most  disgusting  and  injurious  fault.  Let 
all  your  influence  be  exerted  to  check  the  slightest 
appearance  of  affectation.  No  matter  whether  it  be 
affectation  of  goodness,  of  learning,  of  sentimentality, 
of  enthusiasm,  of  simplicity,  or  of  gracefulness. — It 
will  start  up  in  a  multitude  of  new  forms,  like  the 
fabled  heads  of  the  hydra — but  cut  them  off  unspar- 
ingly. This  fault,  with  its  most  artful  covering,  is 
easily  detected ;  nature  has  a  quiet  sincerity  about  her, 
that  cannot  be  mistaken,  or  counterfeited.  An  absence 
of  all  anxiety  to  appear  well,  is  the  very  surest  way  to 
be  attractive.  An  entire  forgetfulness  of  self,  and  a 
good-natured  wish  to  oblige  and  amuse  others,  produce 
a  feeling  of  ease  in  company,  and  more  effectually 
give  the  stamp  of  refined  society,  than  all  the  affec- 
tation and  finery  in  the  world.  Bashfulness  is  very 
unbecoming  and   awkward,  while  modesty  is  peculiarly 


133 

fascinating  to  every  one.  People  are  bashful  when 
they  are  tliinking  about  themselves  and  are  anxious  to 
appear  well ;  they  are  modest  when  they  forget  them- 
selves, and  are  simply  willing  to  do  what  they  can  to 
make  others  happy-  Proud  people,  unless  they  have 
long  been  accustomed  to  taking  the  lead  in  society, 
are  very  apt  to  be  bashful ;  modesty  and-  humility 
generally  go  together.  Selfishness  is  the  cause  of 
bashfulness,  as  well  as  of  more  serious  evils. 

Habits  of  order  should  be  carried  into  expenses. 
From  the  time  children  are  twelve  years  old,  they 
should  keep  a  regular  account  of  what  they  receive, 
and  what  they  expend.  This  will  produce  habits  of 
care,  and  make  them  think  whether  they  employ  their 
money  usefully.  It  is  an  excellent  plan  for  a  father,  at 
the  beginning  of  the  year,  to  state  what  he  is  willing 
each  child,  older  than  twelve,  should  expend  per 
quarter.  At  first,  the  greater  part  might  be  under  a 
mother's  direction,  for  clothes,  and  other  necessaries; 
and  only  a  small  portion  be  at  the  disposal  of  the  child. 
In  this  way,  a  father  knows  certainly  what  he  expends 
for  each;  and  domestic  discord  is  not  likely  to  be 
produced  by  bills  unexpectedly  large.  When  the 
arrangement  is  once  made,  nothing  should  be  add- 
ed ;  the  idea  of  being  helped  out  of  difficulties  brought 
on  by  thoughtlessness  and  extravagance,  would  defeat 
the  express  purpose  of  an  allowance.  A  mother  can 
m&euMy  tell  very  nearly  what  it  is  necessary  and 
r  for  a  daughter  to  expend  yearly ;  if  you  find  you 
really  \v.wc  not  allowed  enough,  make  larger  provision 
the   BC  but  never  add  to  what  was  originally 

!   upon,  except  under  very  extraordinary  circum- 


if. 


*r 


134  the  mother's  book. 

stances.  At  sixteen  years  of  age,  or  perhaps  sooner, 
where  there  is  great  maturity  of  character,  a  young 
lady  may  be  profited  by  being  trusted  with  the  whole 
of  her  allowance,  to  spend  at  discretion ;  always,  how- 
ever^ rendering  an  exact  account  to  her  parents,  at  the 
end  of  the  year. 

Some  may  think  such  a  system  could  be  pursued  only 
by  the  wealthy ;  but  it  is  no  matter  whether  the  quar- 
terly allowance  is  fifty  dollars,or  fifty  cents — the  prin- 
ciple is  the  same.  The  responsibility  implied  by  such 
trust  gives  children  more  self-respect,  and  self-command ; 
it  helps  them  to  remember  how  much  they  owe  to  the 
generosity  of  parents ;  and  checks  their  heedlessness  in 
the  expenditure  of  money.  But  its  most  important  use 
is  in  teaching  them  to  be  really  benevolent.  Children 
who  go  to  a  parent  and  ask  for  things  to  give  away, 
may  know  what  kind  impulses  are,  but  they  know 
nothing  about  real  benevolence  of  principle.  True 
generosity  is  a  willingness  to  deny  ourselves  for  the 
benefit  of  others — to  give  up  something  of  our  own,  that 
we  really  like,  for  the  sake  of  doing  good.  If  a  child 
has  a  quarter  of  a  dollar  a  month  to  expend,  and  gives 
half  of  it  to  a  poor  sick  neighbor,  instead  of  laying  it 
up  to  buy  a  book,  or  a  trinket,  he  knows  more  of  real 
benevolence,  than  could  be  taught  by  all  the  books 
and  maxims  in  the  world.  When  you  know  of  any 
such  action,  let  a  child  see  that  it  increases  your  affec- 
tion and  respect.  Do  not  let  the  hurry  of  business,  or 
the  pressure  of  many  cares,  keep  you  from  expressing 
marked  approbation.  Human  nature  is  weak,  and 
temptation  strong.  Young  people  need  to  be  cheered 
onward  in  the  path  of  goodness  ;  and  they  should  never 


the  mother's  book.  135 

be  disappointed  in  the  innocent  expectation  of  giving 
pleasure  to  a  parent.  But  do  not  praise  them  in  the 
presence  of  others ;  and  do  not  say  much  about  it,  as  if 
it  were  any  great  thing — merely  treat  them  with  unu- 
sual affection  and  confidence.  Do  not  compensate 
their  benevolence  by  making  them  presents.  This  will 
lead  them  into  temptation.  It  will  no  longer  be  self- 
denial  in  them  to  give  ;  for  they  will  be  sure  they  shall 
lose  nothing  in  the  end.  They  should  learn  to  take 
pleasure  in  losing  their  own  gratifications  for  the  benefit 
of  others. 

One  very  good  effect  resulting  from  keeping  an  exact 
account  of  expenses,  had  well  nigh  escaped  my  memory. 
Should  your  daughter  ever  become  a  wife,  this  habit 
will  enable  her  to  conform  more  easily  to  her  husband's 
income.  A  great  deal  of  domestic  bitterness  has  been 
produced  by  a  wife's  not  knowing,  or  not  thinking,  how 
much  she  expends.  Every  prudent  man  wishes  to 
form  some  calculation  about  the  expenses  of  his  family ; 
and  this  he  cannot  do,  if  a  wife  keeps  no  accounts,  or 
keeps  them  irregularly. 

In  connexion  with  this  subject,  I  would  urge  the 
vast  importance  of  a  thorough  knowledge  of  arithmetic 
among  women.  It  is  a  study  that  greatly  tends  to 
strengthen  the  mind,  and  produce  careful  habits  of 
thought ;  and  no  estate  can  be  settled  without  it.  In 
id  and  France,  it  is  no  uncommon  thing  for  the 
wife  of  a  great  manufacturer  or  merchant  to  be  his 
lerk. 

An  American  lady,  now  residing  in  Paris,  is  said  to 
be  an  invaluable  partner  to  her  wealthy  husband,  on 
account  of  her  perfect  knowledge  of  his  extensive  busi- 
Jfc  *3 


136 

ness,  and  the  exact  and  judicious  manner  in  which  she 
conducts  affairs  during  his  absence.  I  do  not  wish  to 
see  American  women  taking  business  out  of  the  hands 
of  men ;  but  I  wish  they  were  all  capable  of  doing  busi- 
ness, or  settling  an  estate,  when  it  is  necessary.  For 
this  purpose,  a  very  thorough  knowledge  of  book-keep- 
ing should  be  attained  ;  both  the  old  and  the  new  sys- 
tem should  be  learned.  Nor' should  a  general  knowledge 
of  the  laws  connected  with  the  settlement  of  estates  be 
neglected.  Every  young  person  ought  to  be  well  ac- 
quainted with  the  contents  of  Sullivan's  Political  Class- 
Book.  Many  a  widow  and  orphan  has  been  cheated  in 
consequence  of  ignorance  on  these  subjects.  .  a 

Should  your  daughter  never  have  an  estate  to  setde, 
or  business  to  transact,  her  knowledge  of  arithmetic, 
book-keeping  and  penmanship  may  be  valuable  to  her 
as  a  means  of  support.  I  do  think  children  should  be 
brought  up  with  a  dread  of  being  dependent  on  the 
bounty  of  others.  Some  young  ladies  think  it  a  degra- 
dation to  support  themselves ;  and  to  avoid  it,  they  are 
willing  to  stay  with  any  relation,  who  will  furnish  them 
a  home.  This  is  not  indulging  a  right  spirit.  We  ought 
to  be  resigned  and  cheerful  in  a  dependent  situation, 
when  we  cannot  possibly  provide  for  ourselves ;  but  a 
willingness  to  hurthen  others,  when  we  can  help  it  by 
a  little  exertion,  is  not  resignation — it  is  mere  pride 
and  indolence.  Next  to  a  love  of  usefulness,  knowledge 
should  be  valued  because  it  multiplies  our  resources  in 
case  of  poverty.  This  unwillingness  to  subsist  on  the 
bounty  of  others  should  not  be  taught  as  a  matter  of  pride, 
but  of  principle ;  it  should  proceed  from  an  unwilling™ 
to  take  away  the  earnings  of  Others,  wiUiout  rendering 


^jji 


i 


the  mother's  book.  137 

some  equivalent,  and  a  reluctance  to  share  what  proper- 
ly belongs  to  the  more  unfortunate  and  needy.  There 
is  nothing  selfish  in  this.  It  springs  from  a  real  regard 
to  the  good  of  others. 

I  would  make  it  an  object  so  to  educate  children  that 
they  could,  in  case  of  necessity,  support  themselves  re- 
spectably. For  this  reason,  if  a  child  discovered  a  de- 
cided talent  for  any  accomplishment,  I  would  cultivate 
it,  if  my  income  would  possibly  allow  it.  Everything 
we  add  to  our  knowledge,  adds  to  our  means  of  useful- 
ness. If  a  girl  have  a  decided  taste  for  drawing,  for 
example,  and  it  be  encouraged,  it  is  a  pleasant  resource, 
which  will  make  her  home  agreeable,  and  lessen  the 
desire  for  company  and  amusements ;  if  she  marry,  it 
will  enable  her  to  teach  her  children  without  the  ex- 
pense of  a  master ;  if  she  live  unmarried,  she  may  gain 
a  livelihood  by  teaching  the  art  she  at  first  learned  as  a 
mere  gratification  of  taste.  The  same  thing  may  be 
said  of  music  and  a  variety  of  other  things,  not  generally 
deemed  necessary  in  education.  In  all  cases  it  is  best 
that  what  is  learned  should  be  learned  well.  In  order 
to  do  this,  good  masters  should  be  preferred  to  cheap 
ones.  Bad  habits,  once  learned,  are  not  easily  corrected. 
It  is  far  better  that  children  should  learn  one  thing 
thoroughly,  than  many  things  superficially.  Make  up 
your  mind  how  much  you  can  afford  to  spend  for  one 
particular  tiling;  and  when  you  have  decided  that, 
spend  it  as  far  as  it  will  go  in  procuring  really  good 
is.  I  believe  this  to  be  the  best  economy  in  the 
end.  It  is  better  to  take  twelve  lessons  from  a  first 
rate  French  teacher,  dian  to  take  a  hundred  from  one 
who  does  not  know  how  to  speak  the  language ;  be- 


ar 
sh 

fe< 


138  the  mother's  book. 

cause  in  the  latter  case,  bad  habits  of  pronunciation  will 
be  learned,  and  probably  never  corrected.  The  same 
tiling  is  true  of  all  kinds  of  knowledge,  solid  or  orna- 
mental. 

While  speaking  of  acquirements,  I  would  again  urge 
the  great  necessity  of  persevering  in  whatever  pursuits 

e  commenced.  Time,  talent,  and  money,  are  often 
shamefully  wasted  by  learning  a  variety  of  things  imper- 
fectly, because  they  prove  more  difficult  than  was  at  first 
imagined ;  and  what  is  worst  of  all,  every  individual  in- 
stance of  this  kind,  strengthens  the  pernicious  habit  of 
being  easily  discouraged  at  obstacles.  A  young  lady 
should  be  very  sure  she  knows  her  own  mind  before  she 
begins  any  pursuit ;  but  when  it  is  once  begun,  it  should 
be  an  unalterable  law  that  she  must  persevere. 

Perhaps  some  parents  of  moderate  fortune  will  ask  if 
there  is  no  danger  of  unfitting  girls  for  the  duties  of  their 
station,  and  making  them  discontented  with  their  situa- 
tion in  life,  by  teaching  them  accomplishments  merely 
ornamental.  For  myself,  I  do  not  believe  that  any  kind 
of  knowledge  ever  unfitted  a  person  for  the  discharge 
of  duty,  provided  that  knowledge  was  acquired  from  a 
right  motive.  It  is  wonderful  what  different  results  the 
same  thing  will  produce,  when  the  motives  are  different. 
No  matter  what  is  learned,  provided  it  be  acquired  as  a 
means  of  pleasing  a  parent,  of  becoming  useful  to 
others,  or  of  acquiring  a  necessary  support.  If  you 
induce  children  to  learn  any  particular  thing  for  the 
sake  of  showing  off,  or  being  as  grand  as  their  neigh- 
bors, then,  indeed,  you  will  unfit  them  for  their  duties, 
and  make  them  discontented  with  their  situation.  Look- 
ing to  others  for  our  standard  of  happiness  is  the  sure 


*• 


130 

way  to  be  miserable.  Our  business  is  with  our  own 
hearts,  and  our  own  motives.  When  I  say  that  a  decided 
talent  for  any  pursuit  should  be  encouraged,  I  do  not 
mean  that  every  whim  and  caprice  should  be  indulged. 
Mothers  often  talk  about  giving  their  daughters  a  taste 
for  music,  and  a  taste  for  painting,  when  in  fact  they 
only  wish  to  excite  in  them  a  silly  ambition  to  have  as 
many  accomplishments  to  show  off,  as  other  girls  have. 
The  consequence  is,  such  families  undertake  to  do  a 
multitude  of  things,  and  do  nothing  well.  A  good  deal 
of  money  is  spent  to  very  little  purpose ;  for  such 
young  ladies  do  not  really  take  pleasure  in  their  employ- 
ments ;  and  if  left  destitute,  they  could  not  teach  what 
they  do  not  half  understand. 

My  idea  is  this — First,  be  sure  that  children  are  fa- 
miliar with  all  the  duties  of  their  present  situation ;  at 
the  same  time,  by  schools,  by  reading,  by  conversation, 
give  them  as  much  solid  knowledge  as  you  can, — no 
matter  how  much,  or  of  what  kind, — it  will  come  in 
use  some  time  or  other;  and  lastly,  if  your  circum- 
stances are  easy,  and  you  can  afford  to  indulge  your 
children  in  any  matter  of  taste,  do  it  fearlessly,  without 
any  idea  that  it  will  unfit  them  for  more  important  du- 
ties. Neither  learning  nor  accomplishments  do  any 
harm  to  man  or  woman  if  the  motive  for  acquiring  them 
be  a  proper  one ;  on  the  contrary,  those  who  know 
most,  are  apt  to  perform  their  duties  best — provided 
the  heart  and  the  conscience  have  been  educated  as 
well  as  the  understanding.  I  believe  a  variety  of 
knowledge  (acquired  from  such  views  as  1  have  stated) 
would  make  a  man  a  better  servant,  as  well  as  a  better 
president ;  and  make  a  woman  a  better  wife,  as  well 
13* 


pu 

fai 
cu 
bo 

dif 


140  THE    MOTHER'S   BOOK. 

as  a  better  teacher.  A  selfish  use  of  riches  leads  to 
avarice,  pride,  and  contempt  of  manual  exertion  ;  a  self- 
ish use  of  knowledge  leads  to  pedantry,  affectation, 
unwillingness  to  conform  to  others,  and  indolence  in  any 
pursuit  not  particularly  pleasing  to  ourselves.  But  the 
fault  is  not  in  the  riches,  or  the  knowledge — the  diffi- 
ulty  lies  in  the  selfish  use  of  these  advantages.  If 
th  were  held  in  trust,  as  a  means  of  doing  good,  how 
different  would  be  the  result !  For  this  reason,  I  should 
never  wish  children  to  learn  anything  because  some  of 
their  companions  were  learning  it.  I  would  always 
offer  present  or  future  usefulness  as  a  motive.  For  in- 
stance, if  a  daughter  were  very  desirous  of  learning  mu- 
sic, I  would  ask  her  why  she  desired  it.  If  she  answer- 
ed, or  if  I  had  reason  to  think,  it  was  because  some  one 
else  was  learning  it,  I  would  at  once  discountenance  it,  by 
telling  her  the  motive  was  a  very  poor  one ;  but  if  she 
said  she  wished  too  learn,  because  she  loved  it  very  much, 
I  would  readily  enter  into  her  wishes,  and  promise  to 
ask  her  father's  permission.  If  the  request  were  grant- 
ed, I  would  say,  '  You  know  we  are  not  rich  enough 
to  have  good  music-masters  for  all  of  you ;  but  your 
father  is  willing  to  expend  more  upon  you  than  he  could 
otherwise  afford,  from  the  idea  that  you  will  learn  care- 
fully and  thoroughly,  and  thus  be  able  to  teach  your 
brothers  and  sisters.  At  some  future  time  your  music 
may  perhaps  be  the  means  of  supporting  yourself  and 
doing  good  to  others.  You  can  likewise  bring  it  into 
immediate  use ;  for  you  will  very  soon  be  able  to  amuse 
your  father  in  return  for  this  kind  indulgence.' 

I  have  known  young  ladies,  on  whom  a  good  deal 
had  been  expended,  who  more  than  repaid  their  parents 


%h 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  141 


by  their  assistance  in  educating  younger  branches  of  the 
family ;  and  is  not  such  a  preparation  likely  to  make 
the  duties  of  a  mother  more  pleasant  and  familiar  to  them  ? 
In  some  cases  the  acquirements  and  industry  of  one 
'^  1  branch  of  the  family  have  served  to  educate  and  bring 
forward  all  the  rest;  is  not  such  a  power,  well-used, 
extremely  conducive  to  kindness  and  benevolence  ? 

It  is  certainly  very  desirable  to  fit  children  for  the 
station  they  are  likely  to  fill,  as  far  as  a  parent  can  judge 
what  that  station  will  be.  In  this  country,  it  is  a  difficult 
point  to  decide  ;  for  half  our  people  are  in  a  totally 
different  situation  from  what  might  have  been  expected 
in  their  childhood.  However,  one  maxim  is  as  safe  as 
it  is  true — i.  e.  A  well  informed  mind  is  the  happiest 
and  the  most  useful  in  all  situations.  Every  new  ac 
quirement  is  something  added  to  a  solid  capital.  To 
imitate  every  passing  fashion  is  a  very  different  thing  from 
gaining  knowledge.  To  thrum  a  few  tunes  upon  a  piano, 
and  paint  a  few  gaudy  flowers,  does  not  deserve  to  be 
spoken  of  as  a  part  of  education  ; — a  fashionable  scarf, 
or  a  bright  ribbon,  might  as  well  be  called  so.  I  would 
never  have  music,  painting,  &c,  learned  at  all,  unless 
they  could  be  learned  perfectly,  and  practised  with  real 
good  taste  ;  and  here  I  would  make  the  passing  remark, 
diat  a  well-cultivated,  observing  mind,  is  most  likely  to  be 
tasteful  in  all  the  lighter  and  more  ornamental  branches. 
The  sure  way  to  succeed  in  anything  is  to  cultivate  the 
intellectual  faculties,  and  keep  the  powers  of  attention 
wide  awake.  If  the  mental  faculties  are  kept  vigorous 
by  constant  use,  they  will  excel  in  anything  to  which 
their  strength  is  applied.  I  think  it  is  peculiarly  unwise 
to   sacrifice   comfort,  benevolence,  or   the   more  solid 


142  the  mother's  book. 

branches  of  learning,  to  any  of  the  elegant  arts ;  but 
when  you  can  attain  all  these  and  a  little  more,  it  is 
much  better  to  spend  the  surplus  in  giving  your  children 
a  new  pleasure,  and  an  additional  resource  against  pov- 
erty, than  it  is  to  expend  it  in  superfluous  articles  of 
dress,  or  furniture.  The  same  remarks  that  apply  to 
music,  drawing,  &lc.,  apply  to  a  variety  of  things,  that 
may  be  acquired  at  little  or  no  expence — such  as  braid- 
ing straw,  working  muslin,  doing  rug-work,  &c. — I  would 
teach  a  child  to  learn  every  innocent  thing,  which  it 
is  in  her  power  to  learn.  If  it  is  not  wanted  immediate- 
ly, it  can  be  laid  by  for  future  use.  I  have  a  strong 
partiality  for  those  old-fashioned  employments,  marking 
and  rug-work.  The  formation  of  the  figures,  counting 
the  threads,  and  arranging  the  colors,  require  a  great  deal 
of  care  ;  and  the  necessity  of  close  attention  is  extremely 
salutary  to  young  people. 

Important  as  a  love  of  reading  is,  there  are  cases 
where  it  ought  to  be  checked.  It  is  mere  selfishness 
and  indolence  to  neglect  active  duties  for  the  sake 
of  books ;  we  have  no  right  to  do  it.  Children  of  a 
languid  and  lazy  temperament  are  sometimes  willing  to 
devote  all  their  time  to  reading,  for  the  sake  of  avoiding 
bodily  exertion  ;  such  a  tendency  should  be  counteracted 
by  endeavoring  to  interest  them  in  active  duties  and 
amusements.  '  Particular  pains  should  be  taken  to  in- 
duce them  to  attend  to  the  feelings  of  others.  Whatever 
services  and  attentions  they  exact  from  others,  they 
should  be  obliged  in  their  turn  to  pay.'  Out  of  door 
exercise,  frequent  walks,  and  a  lively  attention  to  the 
beauties  of  nature,  are  very  beneficial  to  such  di 
tions.     On  the  contrary,  those  who  have  no  love   f< 


143 

quiet,  mental  pleasures,  should  be  attracted  by  interest- 
ing books  and  entertaining  conversation.  A  mother 
needs  to  be  something  of  a  philosopher. — In  other,  and 
better  words,  she  needs  a  great  deal  of  practical  good 
sense,  and  habits  of  close  observation. 

With  regard  to  what  is  called  a  natural  genius  for 
any  particular  employment,  I  think  it  should  be  fostered, 
wherever  it  is  decidedly  shown ;  but  great  care  should 
be  taken  to  diftingu'ish  between  a  strong  natural  bias 
and  the  sudden  whims  and  caprices,  to  which  compan- 
ions, or  accidental  circumstances,  have  given  birth.  No 
doubt  each  individual  has  the  gift  to  do  some  one  par- 
ticular thing  better  than  others,  if  he  could  but  discover 
what  that  gift  is.  We  all  do  best  what  we  strongly  love 
to  do.  I  believe  the  perfect  and  entire  union  of  duty 
and  inclination  in  our  employments  constitutes  genius. 
Men  seldom  become  very  great  in  any  pursuit  they  do 
not  love  with  the  whole  heart  and  soul ;  and  since  this 
is  the  way  to  arrive  at  the  greatest  perfection,  it  is  very 
desirable  to  find  out  the  bias  of  character  in  early  life. 
This  is  not  to  be  done  by  asking  questions ;  but  by  quietly 
observing  what  a  child  most  delights  in,  and  what  he 
asks  about  most  frequently  and  eagerly. 

With  regard  to  lessons,  reading,  and  work,  the  atten- 
tion of  children  should  be  kept  awake  by  talking  with 
them,  asking  questions  on  the  subject,  and  showing  them 
the  best  and  most  convenient  methods  of  doing  whatever 
they  are  about ;  but  great  care  should  be  taken  not  to 
help  them  too  much.  No  more  assistance  than  is  absolute- 
ly necessary  should  be  given. — Leave  them  to  their  own 
ingenuity.  Young  people  will  always  be  helple 
tliev  are  not  obliged  to  think  and  do  for  themselves. 


f 
¥ 


144  the  mother's  book. 

With  regard  to  the  kind  of  books  that  are  read,  great 
precaution  should  be  used.  No  doubt  the  destiny  of 
individuals  has  very  often  been  decided  by  volumes 
accidentally  picked  up  and  eagerly  devoured  at  a  period 
of  life  when  every  new  impression  is  powerful  and  abid- 
ing. For  this  reason,  parents,  or  some  guardian  friends, 
should  carefully  examine  every  volume  they  put  into 
the  hands  of  young  people.  In  doing  this,  the  disposi- 
tion and  character  of  the  child  should  ne  considered. 
If  a  bold,  ambitious  boy  is  dazzled  by  the  trappings  of 
war,  and  you  do  not  wish  to  indulge  his  disposition  to 
be  a  soldier,  avoid  placing  in  his  way  fascinating  biogra- 
phies of  military  heroes;  for  the  same  reason  do  not 
strengthen  a  resdess,  roving  tendency  by  accounts  of 
remarkable  voyages  and  adventures.  I  do  not  mean  to 
speak  disparagingly  of  Voyages  and  Travels  ;  I  consider 
them  the  best  and  most  attractive  books  in  the  world  ; 
I  merely  suggest  a  caution  against  strengthening  any- 
dangerous  bias  of  character. 

A  calm,  steady  temperament  may  be  safely  indulged 
in  reading  works  of  imagination, — nay,  perhaps  requires 
such  excitement  to  rouse  it  sufficiently, — but  an  excita- 
ble, romantic  disposition  should  be  indulged  sparingly  in 
such  reading.  To  forbid  all  works  of  fiction  cannot  do 
good.  There  is  an  age  when  all  mortals,  of  any  sense 
or  feeling,  are  naturally  romantic  and  imaginative.  This 
state  of  feeling,  instead  of  being  violently  wrestled  with, 
should  be  carefully  guided  and  restrained,  by  reading 
only  the  purest  and  most  eloquent  works  of  fiction. 
The  admirable  and  unfortunate  Lady  Russell,  in  a 
letter,  written  on  the  anniversary  of  her  husband's  exe- 
cution, says,  'At  such  seasons  I  do  not  contend  with 


the  mother's  book.  145 

frail  nature,  but  keep  her  as  innocent  as  I  can,1  This 
rule  may  be  wisely  applied  to  that  period  of  life  when 
young  people,  from  the  excess  of  mental  energy,  and 
the  riot  of  unwearied  fancy,  are  most  bewitched  to  read 
novels.  g 

Never  countenance  by  wor^j  or  example  that  silly 
affected  sensibility  which  leads  people  to  faint  or  run 
away  at  the  sight  of  danger  or  distress.  If  such  a 
habit  is  formed,  try  to  conquer  it  by  reasoning,  and  by 
direct  appeals  to  good  feeling.  Nodiing  can  be  more 
selfish  than  to  run  away  from  those  who  are  suffering, 
merely  because  the  sight  is  painful.  True  sensibility 
leads  us  to  overcome  our  own  feelings  for  the  good  of 
others. 

Great  caution  should  be  used  with  regard  to  the 
habits  of  talking  in  a  family.  Talk  of  things  rather 
than  of  persons,  lest  your  children  early  imbibe  a  love 
of  gossipping.  Particularly  avoid  the  habit  of  speaking 
ill  of  others.  We  acquire  great  quickness  of  perception 
in  those  things  to  which  we  give  attention  in  early  life ; 
and  if  we  have  been  in  the  habit  of  dwelling  on  the 
defects  of  others,  we  shall  not  only  be  ill-natured  in  our 
feelings,  but  we  shall  actually  have  the  faculty  of  per- 
ceiving blemishes  much  more  readily  than  virtues. 
This  tendency  always  to  look  on  the  black  side  is  a 
very  unfortunate  habit,  and  may  often  be  traced  to  the 
influences  around  us  in  childhood. 

Some  people  fly  to  the  opposite  extreme.  From 
the  idea  of  being  charitable,  they  gloss  over  everything, 
and  make  no  distinction  between  vice  and  virtue.  This 
is  false  charity.  We  should  not  speak  well  of  what  we 
do  not  believe  to  be  good  and  true.     We  may  avoid 


146  the  mother's  book. 

saying  anything  of  persons,  unless  we  can  speak  well  of 
them ;  but  when  we  are  obliged  to  discuss  a  subject, 
we  should  never  in  the  least  degree  palliate  and  excuse 
what  we  know  to  be  wrong. 

It  is  a  great  mistake  to*think  that  education  is  fin- 
ished when  young  people  leave  school.  Education  is 
never  finished.  Half  the  character  is  formed  after  we 
cease  to  learn  lessons  from  books ;  and  at  that  active 
and  eager  age  it  is  formed  with  a  rapidity  and  strength 
absolutely  startling  to  think  of.  Do  you  ask  what  forms 
it  ?  I  answer  the  every-day  conversation  they  hear,  the 
habits  they  witness,  and  the  people  they  are  taught  to 
respect.  Sentiments  thrown  out  in  jest,  or  carelessness, 
and  perhaps  forgotten  by  the  speaker  as  soon  as  ut- 
tered, often  sink  deeply  into  the  youthful  mind,  and 
have  a  powerful  influence  on  future  character.  This 
is  true  in  very%arly  childhood ;  and  it  is  peculiarly  true 
at  the  period  when  youth  is  just  ripening  into  manhood. 
Employ  what  teachers  we  may,  the  influences  at-home 
will  have  the  mightiest  influences  in  education.  School 
masters  may  cultivate  the  intellect ;  but  the  things  said 
and  done  at  home  are  busy  agents  in  forming  the  affec- 
tions ;  and  the  latter  have  infinitely  more  important 
consequences  than  the  former. 

A  knowledge  of  domestic  duties  is  beyond  all  price 
to  a  woman.  Every  one  ought  to  know  how  to  sew, 
and  knit,  and  mend,  and  cook,  and  superintend  a  house- 
hold. In  every  situation  of  life,  high  or  low,  this  sort 
of  knowledge  is  a  great  advantage.  There  is  no  neces- 
sity that  the  gaining  of  such  information  should  inter- 
fere with  intellectual  acquirement,  or  even  with  elegant 
accomplishments.     A  well  regulated  mind  can  find  time 


the  mother's  book.  147 

to  attend  to  all.  When  a  girl  is  nine  or  ten  years  old, 
she  should  be  accustomed  to  take  some  regular  share  in 
household  duties,  and  to  feel  responsible  for  the  mannei 
in  which  it  is  done, — such  as  doing  her  own  mending 
and  making,  washing  the  cups  and  putting  them  in  place, 
cleaning  the  silver,  dusting  the  parlor,  &c.  This 
should  not  be  done  occasionally,  and  neglected  when- 
ever she  finds  it  convenient ;  she  should  consider  it  her 
department.  When  they  are  older  than  twelve,  girls 
should  begin  to  take  turns  in  superintending  the  house- 
hold, keeping  an  account  of  weekly  expenses,  cooking 
puddings,  pies,  cake,  &c.  To  learn  anything  effectu- 
ally, they  should  actually  do  these  things  themselves, — 
not  stand  by,  and  see  others  do  them.  It  is  a  great 
mistake  in  mothers  to  make  such  slaves  of  themselves, 
rather  than  divide  their  cares  with  daughters.  A  variety 
of  employment,  and  a  feeling  of  trust  and*esponsibility, 
add  very  much  to  the  real  happiness  of  young  people. 
All  who  have  observed  human  nature  closely  will  agree 
that  a  vast  deal  depends  upon  how  people  deport  them- 
selves the  first  year  after  their  marriage.  If  any  little 
dissensions  arise  during  that  period, — if  fretfulness  and 
repining  be  indulged  on  one  side,  indifference  and  dis- 
like on  the  other  will  surely  follow, — and  when  this 
once  takes  place,  farewell  to  all  hopes  of  perfect  domes- 
tic love.  People  may  indeed  agree  to  live  peaceably 
and  respectably  together, — but  the  charm  is  broken — 
tin'  bod  and  dearest  gift  God  gives  to  mortals  is  lost. 
Nothing  can  ever  supply  the  place  of  that  spontaneous 
.  that  boundless  sympathy  of  soul,  which  has 
m  thoughtlessly  destroyed.  *  Beware  of  the  first 
quarrel,'  is  the  best  advice  that  was  ever  given  to  mar- 
14 


148 

ried  people.  Now  I  would  ask  any  reflecting  mother, 
whether  a  girl  brought  up  in  ignorance  of  household 
duties,  is  not  very  likely  to  fret,  when  she  is  first  obliged 
to  attend  to  them?  Will  not  her  want  of  practice 
decidedly  interfere  with  the  domestic  comfort  of  her 
family,  and  will  it  not  likewise  be  a  very  serious  trial  to 
her  own  temper  ?  I  have  known  many  instances  where 
young  married  women  have  been  perplexed,  discouraged, 
and  miserable,  under  a  sense  of  domestic  cares,  which, 
being  so  entirely  new  to  them,  seemed  absolutely  insup- 
portable. The  spirit  of  complaint  to  which  this  naturally 
gives  rise  is  not  very  complimentary  to  the  husband ; 
and  it  is  not  wonderful  if  he  becomes  dissatisfied  with  a 
wife,  whom  he  cannot  render  happy. 

Young  girls  learn  many  mischievous  lessons  from 
their  companions  at  school.  Among  a  mass  of  young 
ladies  collected  from  all  sorts  of  families,  there  will  of 
course  be  much  vanity,  frivolity,  and  deceit,  and  some 
indecency.  The  utmost  watchfulness  of  a  teacher  can- 
not prevent  some  bad  influences.  For  this  reason,  1 
should  myself  decidedly  prefer  instructing  a  daughter 
in  my  own  house ;  but  I  am  aware  that  in  most  families 
this  course  would  be  expensive  and  inconvenient. 
However,  I  would  never  trust  a  young  girl  at  a  boarding 
school  without  being  sure  that  her  room-mate  was  dis- 
creet, well-principled,  and  candid.  I  should  rather  have 
a  daughter's  mind  a  little  less  improved,  than  to  have 
her  heart  exposed  to  corrupt  influences ;  for  this  reason, 
I  should  prefer  a  respectable  school  in  the  country  to  a 
fashionable  one  in  the  city.  For  the  same  reason,  I 
should  greatly  dread  a  young  lady's  making  long  visits 
from  home,  unless  I  had  perfect  confidence  in  every 


the  mother's  book.  149 

member  of  the  family  she  visited,  and  in  every  person 
to  whom  they  would  be  likely  to  introduce  her.  There 
is  no  calculating  the  mischief  that  is  done  by  the 
chance  acquaintances  picked  up  in  this  way.  If  there 
are  sons  in  die  families  visited,  the  danger  is  still  greater. 
I  do  not,  of  course,  allude  to  any  immorality  of  con- 
duct; I  should  hope  girls  even  tolerably  educated 
would  never  be  guilty  of  anything  like  immodesty. 
But  young  ladies,  ignorant  of  the  world  and  its  vices, 
often  do  imprudent  things  without  knowing  them  to  be 
imprudent.  If  they  have  strong  and  enthusiastic  af- 
fections, even  their  innocent  frankness  will  in  all  proba- 
bility be  misconstrued  by  those  who  are  not  them- 
selves pure  and  open-hearted.  At  all  events,  the  fre- 
quent intercourse  likely  to  exist  between  a  visitor  and 
the  brothers  of  her  friend  is  extremely  apt  to  fill  her 
head  with  a  diseased  anxiety  for  the  admiration  of  the 
other  sex,  and  with  silly,  romantic  ideas  about  love — 
ideas  which  have  no  foundation  in  reason,  nature,  or 
common  sense.  Many  unhappy  matches  have  been 
the  result  of  placing  young  people  under  the  influence 
of  9uch  sentimental  excitement,  before  they  were  old 
enough  to  know  their  own  minds.  Such  unions  are 
often  dignified  with  the  name  of  Zove-matches ;  but  lovo 
has  nothing  to  do  with  the  business — fancy,  vanity, 
or  passion  is  the  agent ;  and  vanity  is  by  far  the  most 
busy  of  the  three.  To  call  such  thoughdess  connex- 
ions /oiv-matrhes  is  a  libel  upon  the  deepest,  holiest, 
and  most  thoughtful  of  all  the  passions. 

In  this  country,  girls  are  often  left  to  themselves  at 
the  very  period  when,  above  all  others,  diey  need  a 


p 


150 

mother's  care;  In  France,  mothers  always  visit  with 
their  daughters ;  and  if  restraint  upon  unmarried  people 
is  carried  to  excess  there,  we  certainly  err  on  the 
opposite  extreme.  We  allow  too  much  freedom,  and 
we  allow  it  too  soon.  I  believe  it  is  much  better  for  a 
very  young  lady  never  to  go  about  alone,  or  visit  for 
any  length  of  time  from  home,  without  her  mother. 

Youth  must  have  friends,  and  those  friends,  being 
loved  ardently,  will  have  prodigious  influence.  The 
choice  requires  extreme  caution.  The  whole  of  human 
destiny  is  often  materially  affected  by  those  with  whom 
we  are  intimate  at  fourteen  or  fifteen  years  of  age.  The 
safest  method  is  not  to  put  children  in  the  way  of  those 
whom  you  dare  not  trust.  Do  not  expressly  forbid  an 
acquaintance,  (unless  great  faults  of  character  demand 
such  restrictions,)  but  endeavor  by  every  possible  means 
to  withdraw  your  child  from  society  you  deem  improp- 
er ;  occupy  her  with  other  things,  and  interest  her  in 
other  persons.  If  an  intimacy  does  spring  up,  notwith- 
standing your  precautions,  talk  openly  and  reasonably 
about  it ;  and  let  your  daughter  understand  that  you  de- 
cidedly object  to  something  in  the  young  lady's  princi- 
ples, manners,  or  habits.  Wealth  and  station  should 
never  be  spoken  of  as  either  for  or  against  forming  a 
friendship ;  the  generous  mind  of  youth  never  thinks  of 
these  artificial  distinctions,  and  we  certainly  do  wrong  to 
teach  them.  Your  chief  safety  lies  in  the  manner  in 
which  you  have  educated  your  daughter.  If  her  mind, 
heart,  and  conscience  have  all  been  cultivated,  she  will 
not  love  to  associate  with  the  ignorant,  the  vulgar,  and  the 
vicious  ;  she  will  naturally  seek  the  well-informed,  the 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  151 

well-principled,  and  the  truly  refined,  because  she  will 
have  most  sympathy  with  them. 

A  mother  has  an  undoubted  right  to  inspect  her 
children's  letters,  as  well  as  the  books  they  read ;  and 
if  a  young  lady  feels  this  to  be  any  hardship,  there  is 
certainly  something  wrong,  in  one  or  other  of  the  par- 
ties. Where  young  people  are  habitually  discreet,  it  is 
not  well  to  exercise  this  right  very  often ;  but  children 
should  always  feel  perfectly  willing  that  letters  may  be 
opened,  or  not,  at  a  parent's  option.  But  parents,  on 
their  part,  must  consider  that  this  entire  confidence 
cannot  naturally  and  reasonably  be  expected  to  exist, 
unless  they  evince  perfect  good-nature,  and  a  lively 
sympathy  with  youthful  feeling.  Perfect  confidence 
between  parent  and  child  is  a  seven-fold  shield  against 
temptation. 

There  is  one  subject,  on  which  I  am  very  anxious 
to  say  a  great  deal ;  but  on  which,  for  obvious  reasons, 
I  can  say  very  little.  Judging  by  my  own  observation, 
I  believe  it  to  be  the  greatest  evil  now  existing  in  educa- 
tion. I  mean  the  want  of  confidence  between  mothers 
and  daughters  on  delicate  subjects.  Children,  from 
books,  and  from  their  own  observation,  soon  have  their 
curiosity  excited  on  such  subjects ;  this  is  perfectly 
natural  and  innocent,  and  if  frankly  met  by  a  mother, 
it  would  never  do  harm.  But  on  these  occasions  it  is 
customary  either  to  put  young  people  oft'  with  lies,  or 
still  further  to  excite  their  curiosity  by  mystery  and 
embarrassment.  Information  being  refused  them  at 
the  only  proper  source,  they  immediately  have  recourse 
to  domestics,  or  immodest  school-companions ;  and 
very  often  thHr  youne;  minds  are  polluted  with  filthy 
14* 


$ 


152 

anecdotes  of  vice  and  vulgarity.  This  ought  not  to  be. 
Mothers  are  the  only  proper  persons  to  convey  such 
knowledge  to  a  child's  mind.  They  can  do  it  without 
throwing  the  slightest  stain  upon  youthful  purity ;  and  it 
is  an  imperious"  duty  that  they  should  do  it.  A  girl 
who  receives  her  first  ideas  on  these  subjects  from  the 
shameless  stories  and  indecent  jokes  of  vulgar  associates, 
has  in  fact  prostituted  her  mind  by  familiarity  with  vice. 
A  diseased  curiosity  is  excited,  and  undue  importance 
given  to  subjects,  which  those  she  has  been  taught  to 
respect  think  it  necessary  to  envelope  in  so  much  mys- 
tery ;  she  learns  to  think  a  great  deal  about  them,  and 
to  ask  a  great  many  questions.  This  does  not  spring 
from  any  natural  impurity  ;  the  same  restless  curiosity 
would  be  excited  by  any  subject  treated  in  the  same 
manner.  On  the  contrary,  a  well-educated  girl  of 
twelve  years  old,  would  be  perfectly  satisfied  with  a 
frank,  rational  explanation  from  a  mother.  It  would  set 
her  mind  at  rest  upon  the  subject ;  and  instinctive 
modesty  would  prevent  her  recurring  to  it  unnecessarily, 
or  making  it  a  theme  of  conversation  with  others. 
Mothers  are  strangely  averse  to  encouraging  this  sort  of 
confidence.  I  know  not  why  it  is,  but  they  are  usually 
the  very  last  persons  in  the  world  to  whom  daughters 
think  of  applying  in  these  cases.  Many  a  young  lady 
has  fallen  a  victim  to  consumption  from  a  mother's 
bashfulness  in  imparting  necessary  precautions;  and 
many,  oh,  many  more,  have  had  their  minds  corrupted 
beyond  all  cure. 

I  would  not  by  any  means  be  understood  to  approve 
of  frequent  conversations  of  this  kind  between  parent 
and   child — and    least  of  all,  anything,  like  jesting,  or 


the  mother's  book.  153 

double  meanings.  I  never  saw  but  two  women,  who 
indulged  in  such  kind  of  mirth  before  their  daughters ; 
and  I  never  think  of  them  but  with  unmingled  disgust. 
I  do  believe  that  after  one  modest  and  rational  expla- 
nation, the  natural  purity  and  timidity  of  youth  would 
check  a  disposition  to  talk  much  about  it. 

It  is  usually  thought  necessary,  even  by  the  very  con- 
scientious, to  tell  falsehoods  about  such  subjects  ;  but  I 
believe  it  cannot  do  good,  and  may  do  harm.  I  would 
say  to  a  young  child,  'I  cannot  tell  you  now,  because 
you  are  not  old  enough  to  understand  it.  When  you 
are  old  enough,  I  will  talk  with  you  ;  but  you  must 
remember  not  to  ask  anybody  but  me.  You  know  I 
always  have  a  reason  for  what  I  say  to  you ;  and  I  tell 
you  it  would  be  very  improper  to  talk  with  other  people 
about  it.  I  promise  you  that  I  will  explain  it  all  to  you, 
as  soon  as  you  are  old  enough  to  understand  it.' 

This  promise  ought  to  be  faithfully  kept;  and  if 
young  people  meet  with  anything  in  books  that  requires 
explanation,  they  should  be  taught  to  apply  to  their 
mother,  and  to  no  one  else.  Such  a  course  would,  I  am 
very  sure,  prevent  a  great  deal  of  impurity  and  impru- 
dence. 

It  is  a  bad  plan  for  young  girls  to  sleep  with  nursery 
maids,  unless  you  have  the  utmost  confidence  in  the 
good  principles  and  modesty  of  your  domestics.  There 
is  a  strong  love  among  vulgar  people  of  telling  secrets, 
and  talking  on  forbidden  subjects.  From  a  large  pro- 
portion of  domestics  this  danger  is  so  great,  that  I 
apprehend  a  prudent  mother  will  very  rarely,  under 
any  circumstances,  place  her  daughter  in  the  same 
tg   apartment  with  a  domestic,  until  her  character 


154  the  mother's  book. 

is  so  much  formed,  that  her  own  dignity  will  lead  her 
to  reject  all  improper  conversation.  A  well-principled, 
amiable  elder  sister  is  a  great  safeguard  to  a  girl's  purity 
of  thought  and  propriety  of  behavior.  It  is  extremely 
important  that  warm-hearted,  imprudent  youth,  should 
have  a  safe  and  interesting  companion.  A  judicious 
mother  can  do  a  vast  deal  toward  supplying  this  want ; 
but  those  who  have  such  a  shield  as  a  good  sister  are 
doubly  blessed. 

In  the  chapter  on  politeness  I  have  mentioned  how 
much  little  courtesies  and  kind  attentions  tend  to  strength- 
en the  bonds  of  family  love ;  and  I  firmly  believe  that 
these  things,  small  as  they  may  appear  singly  and  sepa- 
rately, are  of  very  great  importance.  Everything  which 
ties  the  heart  to  home,  has  a  good  influence.  Brothers 
and  sisters  cannot  be  too  much  encouraged  in  perfect 
kindness  and  candor  toward  each  other.  Any  slight 
rudeness,  a  want  of  consideration  for  each  other's  feelings, 
or  of  attention  to  each  other's  comfort,  should  be  treated 
with  quite  as  much  importance  as  similar  offences  against 
strangers.  The  habit  of  putting  on  politeness  to  go  abroad, 
and  of  throwing  it  off  at  home,  does  more  moral  mis- 
chief than  we  are  apt  to  imagine.  I  know  families,  con- 
scientious in  all  great  things,  who  yet  think  it  no  harm  to 
peep  into  each  other's  letters,  or  use  each  other's 
property  without  permission;  yet  I  look  upon  these 
things  as  absolutely  unprincipled;  they  are  positive 
infringements  of  the  golden  rule. 

If  one  member  of  a  family  have  any  peculiarity,  or 
personal  defect,  he  should  be  treated  with  unusual  deli- 
cacy and  affection.  The  best  way  to  cure  any  defect 
is  to  treat  persons  in  such  a  manner,  that  they  them- 


S& 


the  mother's  book.  155 

selves  forget  it.  Perpetual  consciousness  of  any  disa- 
greeable peculiarity  increases  the  evil  prodigiously.  This 
is  particularly  true  of-  physical  imperfections ;  stuttering 
and  lisping,  for  instance,  are  made  ten  times  worse  by 
being  laughed  at,  or  observed.  It  is  the  fear  of  exciting 
remark  that  makes  people  stutter  so  much  worse  before 
strangers  than  in  the  presence  of  their  friends. 

Parents  are  too  apt  to  show  a  preference  for  the 
smartest  or  prettiest  of  the  family.  This  is  exactly  the 
reverse  of  right.  Those  who  are  the  least  attractive 
abroad  should  be  the  most  fostered  at  home ;  otherwise 
-they  may  become  chilled  and  discouraged;  and  the 
talents  and  good  qualities  they  have,  may  die  away  in 
the  secrecy  of  their  own  bosoms,  for  want  of  something 
to  call  them  into  exercise. 

The  business  of  parents  is  to  develope  each  individual 
character  so  as  to  produce  the  greatest  amount  of  use- 
fulness and  happiness.  It  is  very  selfish  to  bestow  the 
most  attention  upon  those  who  are  the  most  pleasing, 
or  most  likely  to  do  credit  to  a  parent  in  the  eyes  of 
the  world.  Those  who  are  painfully  diffident  of  them- 
selves should  be  treated  with  distinguished  regard ;  they 
should  be  consulted  on  interesting  subjects,  and  when 
their  opinions  are  injudicious,  they  should  be  met  by 
open  and  manly  arguments,  and  never  treated  with  any 
degree  of  contempt  or  indifference. 

To  have  the  various  members  of  a  family  feel  a 
common  interest,  as  if  they  were  all  portions  of  the 
same  body,  is  extremely  desirable.  It  is  a  beautiful 
sight  to  see  sisters  willing  to  devote  their  talents  and 
industry  to  the  education  of  brothers,  or  a  brother  willing 
to  deny  himself  selfish  gratifications  for  a  sister's  improve- 


156  the  mother's  book. 

ment,  or  a  parent's  comfort.  Little  respectful  attentions 
to  a  parent  tend  very  much  to  produce  this  delightful 
domestic  sympathy.  Nothing  is  more  graceful  than 
children  employed  in  placing  a  father's  arm-chair  and 
slippers,  or  busying  themselves  in  making  everything 
look  cheerful  against  his  return ;  and  there  is  something 
more  than  mere  looks  concerned  in  these  becoming 
attentions — these  trifling  things  lay  the  foundation  of 
strong  and  deeply  virtuous  feelings.  The  vices  and 
temptations  of  the  world  have  little  danger  for  those 
who  can  recollect  beloved  parents  and  a  happy  home. 
The  holy  and  purifying  influence  is  carried  through  life,, 
and  descends  to  bless  and  encourage  succeeding  genera- 
tions. For  this  reason,  too  much  cannot  be  done  to 
produce  an  earnest  and  confiding  friendship  between 
parents  and  children.  Mothers  should  take  every 
opportunity  to  excite  love,  gratitude  and  respect,  toward 
a  father.  His  virtues  and  his  kindness  should  be  a  favorite 
theme,  when  talking  with  his  children.  The  same  rule 
that  applies  to  a  wife,  in  these  respects,  of  course  applies 
to  a  husband.  It  should  be  the  business  of  each  to 
strengthen  the  bonds  of  domestic  union. 

Every  effort  should  be  made  to  make  home  as  pleas- 
ant as  possible.  The  habit  of  taking  turns  to  read 
interesting  books  aloud,  while  the  others  are  at  work, 
is  an  excellent  plan.  Music  has  likewise  a  cheerful 
influence,  and  greatly  tends  to  produce  refinement  of 
taste.  It  has  a  very  salutary  effect  for  whole  families 
to  unite  in  singing  before  retiring  to  rest;  or  at  any 
other  time,  when  it  is  pleasant  and  convenient.  On 
such  occasions,  I  think  there  should  be  at  least  on« 
simple  tune  in  which  the  little  children  can  job  without 


•^ 


the  mother's  book.  157 

injury  to  their  young  voices.  I  believe  the  power  of 
learning  to  sing  is  much  more  general  than  has  hitherto 
been  believed ;  and  the  more  subjects  there  are  in  which 
the  different  members  of  a  family  can  sympathize,  the 
greater  will  be  their  harmony  and  love. 

It  will  probably  be  gathered  from  what  I  have  said  in 
the  preceding  pages,  that  I  do  not  approve  of  young 
ladies'  visiting  very  young, — that  is,  being  what  is  call- 
ed brought  out,  or  going  into  company.  I  think  those 
parents  whose  situation  does  not  make  it  necessary  to 
have  their  daughters  brought  out  at  all,  are  peculiarly 
blest ;  and  under  all  circumstances,  I  am  sure  it  is  best 
for  a  daughter  never  to  visit  without  her  mother,  till  she 
is  past  seventeen  years  of  age.  A  round  of  gayety  is 
alike  fascinating  and  unprofitable ;  it  wastes  time,  dis- 
tracts attention,  and  makes  every-day  duties  and  pleas- 
ures appear  dull  and  uninteresting.  Late  hours,  excite- 
ment, and  irregularity  of  food,  make  large  demands  upon 
health  and  strength,  before  the  constitution  is  fully  estab- 
lished ;  the  mind  and  heart  too,  as  well  as  the  body, 
become  old  before  their  time ;  there"  is  nothing  new  in 
store  for  the  young  imagination,  and  society  loses  its 
charm  at  the  very  age  when  it  would  naturally  be  most 
enjoyed.  I  do  not  believe  it  is  ever  well  for  girls  to  go 
into  many  large  parties  ;  the  manners  can  be  sufficiently 
formed  by  social  intercourse  with  the  polite  and  intelli- 
gent. I  greatly  approve  of  social  visiting  among  children 
and  young  persons.  It  is  alike  beneficial  to  the  heart 
and  the  manners.  I  only  wish  that  mothers  more  gener- 
ally made  one  of  these  little  parties.  In  general,  girls 
think  they  must  have  an  apartment  to  themselves  when 
they  receive  visiters,  or  they  must  run  off  into  the  gar- 


158 

den,  or  upstairs,  because  a  mother's  presence  is  an  un- 
pleasant restraint.  This  ought  not  to  be.  If  married 
ladies  will  be  familiar  and  cheerful,  they  can  be  extremely 
entertaining,  as  well  as  useful  to  the  young.  I  wish  this 
sort  of  companionship  were  more  general — for  I  am 
certain  it  has  a  good  influence.  If  a  mother  shows  an 
obliging  readiness  to  enter  into  the  plans  and  amusements 
of  her  children,  and  their  young  guests,  they  will  feel 
no  painful  restraint  in  her  presence ;  while  at  the  same 
time  she  removes  from  them  all  temptation  to  frivolous 
and  improper  conversation.  I  have  known  instances 
where  a  mother  was  the  most  animated  and  animating 
of  all  the  little  group.  Would  such  instances  were 
more  frequent !  It  is  impossible  to  calculate  the  bene- 
fits that  result  from  having  a  happy  home. 

From  the  beginning  to  the  end  of  this  book,  I  have 
most  earnestly  represented  the  necessity  of  forming 
early  habits  of  observation.  It  is  a  strong  foundation, 
on  which  any  kind  of  character  may  be  built,  as  cir- 
cumstances require.  It  makes  good  writers,  good  paint- 
ers, good  botanists,  good  mechanics,  good  cooks,  good 
housewives,  good  farmers — good  everything !  It^fits 
as  for  any  situation  in  which  Providence  may  place  us, 
and  enables  us  to  make  the  most  of  whatever  advantages 
anay  come  in  our  way.  It  is  a  sort  of  vital  principle, 
ihat  gives  life  to  everything. 

Not  fifty  miles  from  Boston  is  a  farmer,  quite  famous 
for  the  improvements  he  has  made  in  the  wild  grape. 
He  found  a  vine  in  the  wood,  which  dozens  of  his 
neighbors  passed  every  week,  as  well  as  he;  but  he 
observed  that  where  the  oxen  fed  upon  the  vine  the 
grapes  where  largest  and  sweetest.     He  took  the  hint 


Pi 


m 


THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK.  150 

The  vine  was  transplanted,  and  closely  pruned.  This 
produced  the  same  effect  as  browsing  had  done ;  the 
nourishment,  that  in  a  wild  state  supported  a  great  weight 
of  vines  and  tendrils,  went  entirely  to  the  body  of  the 
grape.  His  neighbors  would  have  known  this  as  well 
as  he,  if  they  had  thought  about  it ;  but  they  did  not 
observe. 

In  ancient  Greece  the  beneficial  effect  of  closely 
trimming  grape-vines  was  discovered  by  observing  the 
extreme  luxuriance  of  a  vine,  which  an  ass  had  fre- 
quently nibbled  as  he  fed  by  the  way-side.  The  man 
who  availed  himself  of  this  hint,  became  celebrated 
throughout  Greece,  by  means  of  the  far-famed  grapes 
of  .\auplia;  and,  with  less  justice,  statues  were  erected 
to  the  ass,  and  high  honors  paid  to  his  memory.  The 
grape  had  never  been  cultivated  in  this  country,  when, 
by  a  singular  coincidence,  an  observing  American  far- 
mer made  the  same  discovery,  and  by  the  same  means, 
that  gave  celebrity  to  the  observing  Grecian  farmer,  in 
very  ancient  times. 

Even  in  infancy,  the  foundation  of  this  important 
habit  should  be  begun,  by  directing  the  attention  to  the 
size,  shape,  color,  &c.,  of  whatever  objects  are  pre- 
sented. In  childhood  it  should  be  constantly  kept  alive, 
by  never  allowing  anything  to  be  read,  or  done,  carelessly ; 
and  during  the  teens,  when  the  mind  is  all  alive  and 
very  peculiar  care  should  be  taken  to  strengthen 
and  confirm  it.  A  young  lady  should  never  be  satisfied 
with  Lr<'ttini  through  with  a  thing  some  how  or  other; 
she  should  know  how  she  has  done  it,  why  she  has  done 
it,  and  what  is  the  best  way  of  doing  it.  She  should 
use  her  thoughts  in  all  her  employments.     There  is 


160  THE    MOTHER'S    BOOK. 

always  a  best  way  of  doing  everything ;  and  however 
trifling  the  occupation,  this  way  should  be  discovered ; 
in  making  a  shirt,  for  instance,  she  should  be  led  to  ob- 
serve that  it  is  much  more  convenient  to  put  in  the 
sleeves  before  the  collar  is  set  on.  It  is  the  want  of 
these  habits  of  observation,  which  makes  some  people 
so  left-handed  and  awkward  about  everything  they 
undertake. 

There  is  another  subject  quite  as  important — I  mean 
habits  of  reflection.  Young  people  should  be  accus- 
tomed to  look  into  their  own  hearts,  to  be  very  sure 
what  motives  they  act  from,  and  what  feelings  they  in- 
dulge. Parents  can  assist  them  very  much,  by  seizing 
favorable  opportunities  to  talk  with  them  about  what 
they  have  done,  and  wThat  were  their  motives  of  action. 
It  is  a  good  maxim  '  every  morning  to  think  what  we 
have  to  do,  and  every  evening  to  think  what  we 
have  done.'  The  close  of  the  year  is  a  peculiarly  ap- 
propriate time  for  self-examination.  Each  member  of 
the  family  should  be  encouraged  at  this  interesting  sea- 
son, to  think  what  improvements  have  been  made,  and 
what  evils  have  been  conquered  during  the  year. 
****** 

One  subject  of  great  importance  had  nearly  escaped 
my  recollection.  I  mean  the  early  habit  of  WTiung 
letters  neatly  and  correctly.  There  are  a  hundred 
cases  where  a  young  person's  success  in  life  may  be 
afTected  by  the  appearance  of  their  episdes.  A  letter 
badly  written,  badly  spelt,  or  badly  punctuated,  is  a 
direct  and  abiding  proof  of  a  neglected  education,  or 
a  disorderly  mind.  The  receipt  of  such  a  document 
often  makes  an  unfavorable  impression  with  regard  to 


*E 


THE    MOTHER^    BOOK.  161 

an  individual's  character,  or  capacity,  which  is  never 
afterward  entirely  obliterated.  For  this  reason,  children 
should  early  be  accustomed  to  give  a  natural  and 
simple  account,  in  writing,  of  what  they  have  seen  and 
done.  The  rules  of  punctuation,  which  are  few  and 
plain,  should  be  particularly  attended  to;  and  any 
awkwardness  or  inelegance  in  the  sentences  should  be 
kindly  pointed  out,  but  never  ridiculed.  If  parents, 
from  want  of  early  education,  feel  unable  to  do  this, 
they  will,  in  all  probability,  know  of  some  near  relation, 
or  intimate  friend,  who  will  occasionally  attend  to  it. 
The  great  thing  is  to  make  children  desirous  of  improve- 
ment ;  and  this  can  be  done  by  an  uneducated  parent, 
as  well  as  by  a  learned  one.  When  a  strong  wish  to 
excel  in  any  particular  thing  is  once  excited,  there  is  no 
danger  but  it  will  find  means  to  satisfy  itself;  and  this 
is  one  reason  why  we  should  be  more  careful  what  we 
teach  children  to  love,  than  what  we  teach  them  to 
remember. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

VIEWS   OF   MATRIMONY. 

T i n: in:  is  no  subject  connected  with  education  which 

has  so  imjK>rtant  a  bearing  on  human  happiness  as  the 

young    people    are    taught    to    entertain    with 

I  to  matrimonial  connexions.     The  dreams  of  silly 

:e,  half  vanity,  and  half  passion,  on  the  one  hand, 

elfish  calculation  on  the  other,  leave  but  precious 


1G2  the  mother's  book. 

little  of  just  thinking  and  right  feeling  on  the  subject. 
The  greatest  and  most  prevailing  error  in  education 
consists  in  making  lovers  a  subject  of  such  engrossing 
and  disproportionate  interest  in  the  minds  of  young 
girls.  As  soon  as  they  can  walk  alone,  they  are  called 
*  little  sweet-heart,'  and  '  little  wife  ;'  as  they  grow  older, 
the  boyish  liking  of  a  neighbor,  or  school-mate,  becomes 
a  favorite  jest ;  they  often  hear  it  said  how  lucky  such 
and  such  people  are,  because  they  l  married  ojf  all 
their  family  so  young ;  and  when  a  pretty,  attractive  girl 
is  mentioned,  they  are  in  the  habit  of  hearing  it  observ- 
ed, *  She  will  be  married  young.  She  is  too  handsome 
and  too  interesting  to  live  single  long.' 

I  have  frequendy  said  that  such  sort  of  accidental 
remarks  do  in  fact  educate  children,  more  than  direct 
maxims ;  and  this  applies  with  peculiar  force  to  the  sub- 
ject of  matrimony.  Such  observations  as  I  have  quoted, 
give  young  girls  the  idea  that  there  is  something  degrad- 
ing in  not  being  married  young ;  or,  at  least,  in  not  having 
had  offers  of  marriage.  This  induces  a  kind  of  silly 
pride  and  restless  vanity,  which  too  often  ends  in  ill- 
assorted  connexions.  I  had  a  sweet  young  friend, 
with  a  most  warm  and  generous  heart,  but  a  sickly,  ro- 
mantic brain.  Her  mother  was  weak-m  in  dud  and  in- 
dulgent, and  had  herself  been  taught,  in  early  life,  to 
consider  it  the  chief  end  and  aim  of  existence  to  get 
married.  She  often  reminded  her  daughters,  that  site 
was  but  sixteen  when  she  was  married,  and  had  then 
refused  two  or  three  lovers.  Of  course,  when  my 
charming,  sentimental  little  friend  was  sixteen,  she  began 
to  feel  uneasy  under  a  sense  of  disgrace  ;  her  |>  i 
concerned  in  having  a  beau  as  early  as. her  mother  lnd 


163 

one ;  and  this  feeling  was  a  good  deal  strengthened  by 
the  engagement  of  two  or  three  young  companions.  It 
unluckily  happened  that  a  dashing,  worthless  young  man 
was  introduced  to  her  about  this  time.  A  flirtation  began, 
which  soon  ended  in  an  offer  of  his  hand.  He  said  he 
was  in  good  business,  and  she  saw  that  he  wore  a  hand- 
some coat,  and  drove  a  superb  horse ;  and,  more  than 
all,  she  thought  what  a  triumph  it  would  be  to  be  en- 
gaged at  sixteen.  She  married  him.  It  was  soon  dis- 
covered that  he  was  careless,  dissipated,  and  very  poor. 
In  no  respect  whatever  had  he  sympathy  with  my  sen- 
sitive, refined,  but  ill-educated  friend.  She  discovered 
this  too  late.  She  would  have  discovered  it  at  first,  had 
her  mind  been  quiet  on  the  subject  of  matrimony.  A 
wretched  life  might  have  been  spared  her,  if  her  mother 
had  left  her  heart  to  develope  naturally,  under  the  in- 
fluences of  true  affection,  as  the  lily  opens  its  petals  to 
the  sunshine.  Her  marriage  was  called  a  love-match; 
and  as  such  was  held  up  by  ambitious  parents  as  a  salu- 
tary warning.  But  there  never  was  a  greater  misnomer. 
She  had  not  a  particle  of  love  for  the  man.  She  mar- 
ried him  because  he  happened  to  be  the  first  that  offered, 
and  because  she  felt  ashamed  not  to  be  engaged  as  soon 
as  her  companions. 

But  heedless  vanity  and  silly  romance,  though 
a  prolific  source  of  unhappy  marriages,  are  not  so 
rous  in  their  effects  as  worldly  ambition,  and 
stilish  calculation.  I  never  knew  a  marriage  ex- 
pressly for  money,  that  did  not  end  unhappily.  Yet 
managing  mothers,  and  heartless  daughters,  are  contin- 
ually playing  the  'same  unlucky  game.  I  look  upon  it 
as  something  more  than  bad  policv  for  people  to  marry 
15* 


*♦ 


164  the  mother's  book. 


those  to  whom  they  are,  at  best,  perfectly  indifferent, 
merely  for  the  sake  of  wealth ;  in  my  view  it  is  abso- 
lutely unprincipled.  Happiness  cannot  result  from  such 
connexions,  because  it  ought  not.  A  mother  who  can 
deliberately  advise  a  daughter  thus  to  throw  away  all 
chance  of  domestic  bliss,  would,  were  it  not  for  the 
fear  of  public  opinion,  be  willing  to  sell  her  to  tlie 
Grand  Sultan,  to  grace  his  seraglio.  Disguise  the  mat- 
ter as  we  may,  with  the  softening  epithets  of '  prudent 
match,'  *  a  good  establishment,'  &tc.,  it  is,  in  honest  truth, 
a  matter  of  bargain  and  sale. 

I  believe  men  more  frequently  marry  for  love,  than 
women;  because  they  have  a  freer  choice.  I  am 
afraid  to  conjecture  how  large  a  proportion  of  women 
marry  because  they  think  they  shall  not  have  a  better 
chance,  and  dread  being  dependent.  Such  marriages, 
no«  doubt,  sometimes  prove  tolerably  comfortable ;  but 
great  numbers  would  have  been  far  happier  single.  If 
I  may  judge  by  my  own  observation  of  such  matches, 
marrying  for  a  home  is  a  most  tiresome  way  of  getting 
a  living. 

One  of  the  worst  effects  resulting  from  managing 
about  these  things,  is  the  disappointment  and  fan- 
cied disgrace  attendant  upon  a  failure ;  and  with  the 
most  artful  manoeuvring,  failures  in  such  schemes  are 
very  frequent.  Human  policy  sketches  beautiful  pat- 
terns, but  she  is  a  bad  weaver;  she  always  eiiu; 
her  own  web.  I  am  acquainted  with  two  or  three  man- 
aging mothers,  who  have  pretty  children  ;  and  in  i!  e 
whole  circle   of  ray  acquaintance,  1    know  i 

unfortunate  in  disposing  of  tin  ii 
ladies  would   h  ricd  vcrv 


the  mother's  book.  165 

been  taught  to  act  a  part ;  now,  they  will  either  live 
single,  or  form  ill-assorted,  unhappy  connexions.  If 
they  live  single,  they  will  probably  be  ill-natured  and 
envious  through  life ;  because  they  have  been  taught  to 
attach  so  much  importance  to  the  mere  circumstance  of 
getting  married,  without  any  reference  to  genuine  af- 
fection. A  woman  of  well-regulated  feelings  and  an 
active  mind,  may  be  very  happy  in  single  life, — far 
happier  than  she  could  be  made  by  a  marriage  of  ex- 
pediency. The  reason  old  maids  are  proverbially  more 
discontented  than  old  bachelors,  is,  that  they  have  gene- 
rally so  much  less  to  occupy  their  thoughts.  For  this 
reason,  it  is  peculiarly  important,  that  a  woman's  educa- 
tion should  furnish  her  with  abundant  resources  for  em- 
ployment and  amusement.  I  do  not  say  that  an  unmar- 
ried woman  can  be  as  happy  as  one  who  forms,  with 
proper  views  and  feelings,  a  union,  which  is  unquestion- 
ably the  most  blessed  of  all  human  relations ;  but  I  am 
very  certain  that  one  properly  educated  need  not  be 
unhappy  in  single  life. 

The  great  difficulty  at  the  present  day  is,  that  matri- 
mony is  made  a  subject  of  pride,  vanity,  or  expediency  ; 
whereas  it  ought  to  be  a  matter  of  free  choice  and 
honest  preference.  A  woman  educated  with  proper 
views  on  the  subject  could  not  be  excessively  troubled 
at  not  being  married,  when  in  fact  she  had  never  seen 
a  person  for  whom  she  entertained  particular  affection ; 
but  one  taught  to  regard  it  as  a  matter  of  pride,  is  inevi- 
!.  discontented,  and  envious,  under  the 
l>rospen  of  being   an  old   maid,  thou  li   she  regards  no 


m- 


166  the  mother's  book. 

Some  mothers  are  always  talking  about  the  cares, 
and  duties,  and  sacrifices  incident  to  married  life ;  they 
are  always  urging  their  daughters  to  *  enjoy  themselves 
while  they  are  single' — '  to  be  happy  while  they  have  a 
chance,' — but  at  the  same  time  that  they  give  such  a 
gloomy  picture  of  domestic  life,  (making  it  a  frightful 
bugbear  to  the  young  imagination,)  they  urge  upon  them 
the  necessity  of  getting  married  for  respectability's  sake. 
They  must  be  *  well  settled,'  as  the  phrase  is.  The 
victim  must  be  sacrificed,  because  the  world's  opinion 
demands  it. 

I  once  heard  a  girl,  accustomed  to  such  remarks,  say, 
with  apparent  sincerity,  '  I  should  like  of  all  things  to 
be  married,  if  I  could  be  sure  my  husband  would  die  in 
a  fortnight ;  then  I  should  avoid  the  disgrace  of  being 
an  old  maid,  and  get  rid  of  the  restraint  and  trouble  of 
married  life.'  Strange  and  unnatural  as  such  a  senti- 
ment may  appear,  it  was  just  what  might  have  been 
expected  from  one  accustomed  to  such  selfish  views  of 
a  relation  so  holy  and  blessed  in  its  nature.  It  is  all- 
important  that  charming  pictures  of  domestic  life  should 
be  presented  to  the  young.  It  should  be  described  as, — 
what  it  really  is, — the  home  of  woman's  affections,  and 
her  pleasantest  sphere  of  duty.  Your  daughter  should 
never  hear  her  own  marriage  speculated  or  jested  upon; 
but  the  subject  in  general  should  be  associated  in  her 
mind  with  everything  pure,  bright,  and  cheerful. 

I  shall  be  asked  if  I  do  not  think  it  extremely  de- 
sirable that  daughters  should  marry  well ;  and  whether 
-hilled,  domestic  education  I  have  recommended 
is  not  very  unfavorable  to  the  completion  of  such  v. 


the  mother's  book.  167 

— for  how  can  they  be  admired,  when  they  are  not 
seen?  It  certainly  is  very  desirable  that  daughters 
should  marry  well,  because  it  wonderfully  increases  their 
chance  of  happiness.  The  unchangeable  laws  of  God 
have  made  reciprocated  affection  necessary  to  the 
human  heart ;  and  marriage  formed  with  proper  views 
is  a  powerful  means  of  improving  our  better  nature. 
But  I  would  not  say,  or  do  anything,  to  promote  a  union 
of  this  sort.  I  would  have  no  scheming,  no  managing, 
no  hinting.  I  would  never  talk  with  girls  about  the 
beaux,  or  suffer  them  to  associate  with  those  who  did. 
I  would  leave  everything  to  nature  and  Divine  Provi- 
dence— with  a  full  belief  that  such  reliance  would  do 
more  and  better  for  me  than  I  could  effect  by  my  own 
plans.  I  do  not  think  a  secluded,  domestic  education 
is  unfavorable  to  chances  of  happy  matrimonial  connex- 
ions. A  girl  with  a  good  heart,  a  full  mind,  and  modest, 
refined  manners,  cannot  fail  to  be  attractive.  Make 
her  a  delightful  companion  to  her  own  family ;  teach  her 
to  be  happy  at  home ;  and  trust  Divine  Providence  to 
find  her  a  suitable  partner.  If  she  has  been  taught  to 
think  the  regulation  of  her  own  heart  and  mind  of  greater 
importance  than  anything  else,  she  cannot  be  unhappy 
whatever  may  be  her  lot  in  life  ;  and  her  chance  for  a 
happy  marriage  will  be  abundantly  greater  than  it  could 
be  made  by  the  most  adroit  management. 

It  is    evident    that    the    greatest   safeguard    against 

per   attachments   consists    in   the    character   you 

have  given  your  daughter,  by  the  manner  of  educating 

I  young  lady  will  not  naturally  be  in  love 

witli  vulgarity  ;  nor  will  a  pure  mind  have  any  sympathy 

with  the  vicious  and   unprincipled.     I>ut  as  vice  often 


168 

wears  the  garb  of  virtue,  and  as  youth  is,  from  its  very 
innocence,  unsuspecting,  it  is  incumbent  upon  parents 
to  be  extremely  careful  with  what  sort  of  young  men 
they  allow  their  daughters  to  associate.  Acquaintance 
with  any  particular  person  should  not  be  expressly  for- 
bidden, because  such  restraint  is  likely  to  excite  the 
very  interest  you  wish  to  avoid;  but,  without  saying 
anything  on  the  subject,  do  not  encourage  your  daughter 
in  going  to  places  where  she  will  meet  a  fascinating 
young  man,  to  whom  you  have  decided  objections ;  and 
if  you  discover  the  smallest  symptoms  of  mutual  interest 
between  the  parties,  remove  her  from  home,  if  possible, 
to  some  place  where  her  mind  will  soon  become  inter- 
ested in  new  occupations.  A  prudent  parent  will  always 
remember  that  it  is  extremely  natural  for  young  people 
to  get  deeply  interested  in  those  they  see  frequently  ; 
and  that  it  is  far  easier,  and  better,  to  prevent  an  attach- 
ment, than  it  is  to  conquer  it  after  it  is  formed.  I  would 
never,  even  by  the  most  trifling  expression,  lead  my 
daughter  to  think  of  her  acquaintances  as  future  lovers  ; 
but  I  should  myself  recollect  the  possibility  of  such 
a  circumstance,  and  would  not  therefore  encourage  an 
acquaintance  with  any  man,  whom  I  should  be  very  un- 
willing to  see  her  husband.  '  An  ounce  of  prevention 
is  worth  a  pound  of  cure.' 

In  affairs  of  this  kind  strong  opposition  is  very  impol- 
itic. It  rarely  effects  its  purpose ;  and  if  it  does,  it  is 
through  much  misery  and  trouble.  I  doubt  whether 
parents  have  a  right  to  forbid  the  marriage  of  their 
children,  after  they  are  old  enough  to  think  and  decide 
for  themselves ;  but  while  they  are  quite  young,  I  do 
think  they  have  an  undoubted  right  to  prevent  man 


169 

until  the  laws  of  the  land  render  them  free  from  parental 
authority.  But  where  this  is  done,  it  should  be  with 
great  mildness  and  discretion :  it  should  be  resorted  to 
only  from  a  desire  to  leave  young  people  a  perfect  free- 
dom of  choice,  at  an  age  when  they  are  more  capable 
of  feeling  deeply  and  judging  wisely. 

Where  there  is  any  immorality  of  character,  it  be- 
comes an  imperative  duty  for  parents  to  forbid  an  en- 
gagement while  the  parties  are  young.  If  it  is  persisted 
in,  after  they  are  old  enough  to  be  as  discreet  as  they 
ever  will  be,  there  is  no  help  for  it ;  but  I  do  not  believe 
one,  whose  heart  and  mind  had  been  properly  educated, 
would  ever  persist  in  such  a  course. 

The  diree  great  questions  to  be  asked  in  deciding 
whether  a  union  is  suitable  and  desirable,  is,  1st,  Has 
the  person  good  principles  ?  2d,  Has  he,  or  she,  a  good 
disposition?  3d,  Is  there  a  strong,  decided,  deeply- 
founded  preference  ?  Connexions  which  are  likely  to 
lead  a  woman  into  a  sphere  of  life  to  which  she  has 
been  unaccustomed,  to  introduce  her  to  new  and  ardu- 
ous duties, — and  to  form  a  violent  contrast  to  her 
previous  mode  of  life, — should  not  be  entered  into, 
except  at  mature  age,  and  with  great  certainty  that 
affection  is  strong  enough  to  endure  such  trials.  But 
where  there  is  deep,  well  founded  love,  and  an  humble 
reliance  on  Divine  Providence,  all  things  will  work  right 
in  the  end. 


170 


CONCLUDING    CHAPTER. 

It  has  been  jestingly  said,  that  "  they  who  have  no 
children,  always  know  how  to  manage  them  well ;'  and 
the  assertion  is  sustained  by  the  fact  that  nearly  all 
books  on  education  have  been  written  by  those  who 
never  were  parents.  This  was  the  case  with  Locke, 
Edgeworth,  Hamilton,  and  Barbauld.  If  their  wise 
words  are  less  valuable  on  this  account,  what  plea  can  I 
urge  for  my  own  imperfect  suggestions  ?  Childless  my- 
self, I  can  only  plead  my  strong  love  for  children,  and 
my  habitual  observation  of  all  that  concerns  them.  I 
offer  this  little  book  in  all  humility,  happy  in  the  convic- 
tion that  it  inculcates  no  evil,  if  it  does  not  attain  to  the 
highest  truths. 

It  was  published  fourteen  years  ago,  and  is  now  re- 
published at  the  request  of  a  few  friends.  Were  I  to 
write  it  now,  it  would  not  be  precisely  as  it  is ;  but  on 
comparing  this  stereotyped  record  with  my  present 
views,  I  find  that  I  have  not  changed,  I  have  only 
grown. 

On  one  subject,  this  growth  has  sufficiently  modified 
my  opinions,  to  make  some  recantation  necessary ;  1 
mean  on  the  subject  of  punishment.  I  have,  throughout 
the  work,  alluded  to  whipping  as  sometimes/and  to  a 
moderate  degree,  necessary.  I  now  believe  otherwise. 
Such  measures  may,  of  course,  secure  a  more  prompt 
obedience,  by  exciting  fear ;  but  I  believe  this  can  never 
be  done  without  injury  to  the  child. 

I  have  a  very  judicious  friend,  the  mother  of  a  fin© 


CONCLUDING   CHAPTER.  171 

family.  With  her  first  two  children,  she  acted  upon  the 
commonly  received  idea  that  it  was  sometimes  necessary 
to  slap  them,  when  they  were  naughty.  She  observed, 
however,  that  this  never  failed  to  excite  some  degree  of 
resentment,  and  more  or  less  diverted  their  attention 
from  the  wrong  they  had  done,  to  the  injury  they  suf- 
fered. With  her  younger  children,  she  discontinued 
whipping,  and  substituted  milder  forms  of  punishment, 
such  as  shutting  them  up  in  a  room  by  themselves, 
making  them  go  to  bed  supperless,  &c.  This  excited 
their  evil  feelings  less ;  but,  in  some  degree,  this  like- 
wise turned  their  attention  from  their  own  fault  to  the 
punishment  inflicted.  The  accusation,  which  should 
have  fallen  with  its  whole  weight  on  themselves,  was 
partially  bestowed  on  the  parent.  Something  of  resist- 
ance and  rebellion  was  always  roused,  though  its  out- 
ward manifestation  might  be  restrained  by  the  fear  of 
additional  punishment.  My  friend  was  a  wise  woman. 
and  she  knew  that  it  was  far  better  to  avoid  contests  with 
her  children,  than  to  come  off  victorious  in  them.  The 
less  the  combative  principle  is  roused  into  activity,  before 
reason  and  conscience  are  mature  enough  to  regulate  it, 
the  better.  Habits  of  the  mind,  whether  good  or  bad, 
are  strengthened  in  this  way,  as  the  muscles  of  a  gold- 
beater's arm  grow  stout  by  constant  use.  If  a  child  is 
of  an  obstinate  temper,  it  is  therefore  better  to  treat  any 
little  matter  of  difference  lightly,  than  to  rouse  his  beset- 
ting sin  by  compulsory  efforts  *o  subdue  him.  It  is  bet- 
ter to  keep  his  obstinacy  as  quiescent  as  possible,  till  he 
is  old  enough  to  be  reasoned  with,  and  thus  taught  to 
employ  his  perseverance  for  worthy  and  noble  ends. 


172  CONCLUDING    CHAPTER. 

Acting  upon  this  principle  of  not  arousing  evil  feel- 
ings, if  possible  to  avoid  it,  my  friend  resolved  to  try, 
with  her  youngest  girl,  the  effect  of  sorrow  instead  of 
penalty.  She  was  very  volatile,  and  her  mother  had 
many  doubts  whether  the  experiment  would  prove  suc- 
cessful. The  first  time  she  tried  it  was  on  the  occasion 
of  visiting  a  relative.  The  child  was  extremely  desirous 
to  accompany  her  parents,  but  was  told  that  it  was  un- 
suitable for  her  to  be  out  so  late  as  they  intended  to  stay. 
Habitual  firmness  had  taught  her  that  teasing  was  of  no 
avail ;  and  she  soon  gave  up  the  effort.  At  parting,  her 
mother  bade  her  be  a  good  girl,  and  go  quietly  to  bed 
at  eight  o'clock,  and  in  the  morning  she  should  hear  -all 
about  the  visit.  At  ten  o'clock,  her  parents  returned,  and 
"seated  themselves  at  the  parlor  fire,  chatting  over  the 
events  of  the  evening.  Presently,  they  heard  a  timid, 
half-suppressed  giggle ;  and,  looking  round,  they  saw 
little  Mary  peeping  from  under  the  table.  '  My  daugh- 
ter, how  is  it  that  you  are  not  in  bed  ? '  said  her  mother, 
calmly.  The  little  rogue  stole  forth  from  her  hiding- 
place,  and  looked  very  sheepish,  as  she  answered, 
1  Why,  mother,  I  wanted  to  sit  up  till  you  came  back.' 
1  But  I  told  you  to  go  to  bed  at  eight.  My  little  daugh- 
ter knows  she  has  done  very  wrong.'  The  culprit 
stood  a  while  in  perplexity.  She  expected  to  be  ordered 
instantly  to  bed,  or  at  least  to  be  reproved.  But  her 
parents  went  on  talking  with  each  other,  as  if  she  were 
not  in  the  room ;  and  at  ldfit,  she  hesitatingly  drew  up 
her  little  stool,  and  seated  herself  at  her  mother's  side. 
After  a  while,  she  plucked  up  courage  to  ask  about  the 
visit.      Who  was  there  ?      Did  anybody  say  anything 


CONCLUDING    CHAPTER.  173 

about  me  ?  &c.  Her  mother  answered  all  her  questions, 
very  kindly,  though  somewhat  sadly.  At  length,  she 
said,  *  Mother,  I  think  it  is  time  for  me  to  go  to  bed.' 
*  Well,  Mary.  Let  me  unpin  your  clothes.  It  is  bright 
moonlight,  and  you  will  need  no  lamp.  Do  not  waken 
Elizabeth.' 

The  child  lingered  and  hesitated,  and  at  last  said, 
!  May  I  kiss  you  and  father  ? '  They  drew  her  toward 
them,  imprinted  a  kiss  on  her  lips,  and  bade  her  an 
affectionate  good  night. 

After  she  had  gone,  they  queried  with  each  other 
whether  this  mode  of  treatment  would  make  her  think 
lightly  of  her  fault,  and  more  prone  to  be  disobedient  in 
future.  She  was  such  a  frolicksome,  thoughtless  child, 
that  they  were  not  without  fears  that  it  might  be  so. 
They  were  even  doubtful  whether  she  noticed  the  sad- 
ness of  their  tones,  when  they  kissed  her  and  bade  her 
good  night;  for  she  went  away  smiling,  and  tripped 
lightly  up  stairs.  But  when  her  mother  retired  for  the 
night,  she  had  scarcely  placed  her  head  on  the  pillow, 
before  she  heard  little  bare  feet  padding  across  the  entry 
floor ;  and  a  moment  after,  a  little  curly  head  was  on  her 
bosom,  sobbing  out,  *  Oh,  mother  dear,  I  can't  go  to 
sleep.  Forgive  me.  I  know  I  did  very  wrong.'  Sweet 
moments  of  reconciliation  passed  between  parents  and 
child  in  the  still  moonlight ;  and  then  the  little  one  went 
to  her  pillow,  and  slept  as  the  lambs  sleep. 

The  perfect  kindness  with  which  she  had  been  treated, 
while  she  felt  that  her  parents  were  grieved  by  her  con- 
duct, left  no  work  for  her  heart  to  do,  but  to  accuse  her- 


174  CONCLUDING   CHAPTER. 

self;  and  only  by  confession  and  repentance  could  she 
be  at  peace. 

Whether  such  a  course  would  always  produce  similar 
results,  I  will  not  venture  to  say ;  but  every  day  of  my 
life  I  become  more  and  more  convinced  of  the  omnipo- 
tence of  love  in  subduing  all  evil.  It  is  indeed  absolutely 
necessary  that  gentleness  should  be  united  with  uncom- 
promising firmness.  Children  should  never  be  allowed 
to  gain  their  point,  in  opposition  to  any  rule  that  has 
been  established  for  them.  To  be  at  once  gentle  and 
unyielding,  requires  a  strong  effort.  Hence,  many  peo- 
ple, who  dislike  severity,  fall  into  the  opposite  extreme 
of  injudicious  indulgence ;  and  their  example  is  often 
quoted  in  favor  of  the  old-fashioned  rigidity  of  disci- 
pline. 

Whipping  is,  however,  coming  more  and  more  into 
disrepute  ;  and  before  long,  no  Wise  parent  will  practise 
it,  or  allow  his  child  to  attend  a  school  where  it  is  prac- 
tised. To  attain  the  difficult  habit  of  being  both  mild 
and  firm,  of  studying  in  all  things  the  permanent  good 
of  the  child,  rather  than  present  convenience  to  self, 
requires  a  humble  and  self-denying  spirit.  The  moral 
atmosphere  which  emanates  from  a  parent's  habitual 
state  of  mind  greatly  affects  the  children.  If  they  are 
quiet,  gentle,  arid  refined,  it  will  be  reflected  in  the 
habits  and  manners  of  the  family.  If  they  are  rough, 
impatient,  or  noisy,  the  children  will  be  little  bedlamites, 
however  much  good  advice  they  may  give,  in  opposition 
to  their  own  example. 

It  is  impossible  to  exaggerate  the  importance  of  the 
spiritual  atmosphere  of  home;   of  the  thousand  little 


CONCLUDING   CHAPTER.  175 

things  done  and  said  without  calculation  of  results ;  of 
the  daily  and  hourly  emanations  from  our  own  charac- 
ters.    It  has  been  beautifully  said, 

1  Education  does  not  commence  with  the  alphabet. 
It  begins  with  a  mother's  look — with  a  father's  nod  pf 
approbation,  or  a  sigh  of  reproof — with  a  sister's  gentle 
pressure,  of  the  hand,  or  a  brother's  noble  act  of  forbear- 
ance— with  handfuls  of  flowers  in  green  and  daisy 
meadows — with  birds'  nests  admired  but  not  touched — 
with  creeping  ants  and  almost  imperceptible  emmets — 
with  humming  bees  and  glass  bee-hives — with  pleasant 
walks  in  shady  lanes — and  with  thoughts  directed,  in 
sweet  and  kindly  words,  to  nature,  to  beauty,  to  acts  of 
benevolence,  to  deeds  of  all  virtue,  and  to  the  source  of 
all  good,  to  God  himself.' 

Is  not  our  Heavenly  Father  kind  to  entrust  to  our 
care  these  little  innocent  souls,  that  we  ourselves  may 
enter  his  kingdom,  by  the  prayerful  effort  to  keep  them 
forever  near  their  guardian  angels  ? 
16* 


# 


SCHOOL  DISTRICT  LIBRARY, 

PUBLISHED    BT 

C.    S.    FRANCIS    &    CO.    NEW  YORK. 


A  detailed  account  of  the  contents  and  character  of  these  works,  and  the 
price  of  each,  may  be  found  in  "The  Literary  Advertiser"  of  the  publishers, 
which  is  furnished  gratis,   either  in  New  York  01  Boston. 


LIBRARY  OF  ENTERTAINING  AND  USEFUL  READING, 

Twelve  volumes,  large  lgmo.  288  pages  each,  namely, 

1.  THE    MIRROR with  22  Engravings. 

2.  THE    CABINET 39  „ 

3.  THE    CASKET 37  „ 

4.  THE  TREASURY 34  „ 

5.  THE  BUDGET 23  „ 

6.  THE  REPERTORY 33  „ 

7.  THE  TABLET 31  „ 

8.  THE    MEMORIAL 36  „ 

9.  THE    GLEANER 30  „ 

10.  THE  EMPORIUM 33  „ 

11.  THE   SELECTOR 27  „ 

12.  THE   GALAXY 26  „ 

LIBRARY  OF  INSTRUCTIVE  AMUSEMENT, 

Six  volumes,  18mo.  336  pages  each,  namely, 

13.  YOUNG    MAN'S    EVENING    BOOK  50  Engravings 

14.  WINTER    EVENING    BOOK      .     .  61  „ 

15.  SUMMER     DAY     BOOK       72  „ 

16.  EVERY     DAY    BOOK 71  „ 

17.  PARLOUR    BOOK 27  „ 

18.  LEISURE    HOUR    BOOK    ....  55  , 

19.  BELZONI'S  TRAVELS  IN  EGYPT,  with  Plate*. 
90.  TRUE  STORIES  FROM  HISTORY.  By  a  Lady. 
81.22.  AROUND  THE  W  O  R  L  D,  by  au  Officer  of  the  Navy. 
93.24.     ZENOBI  A,  or  the  Fall  of  Palmyra. 

95—98.     LIFE    OF    WALTER    SC  OTT,  by  J.  G.  Lockhart. 

99.    8ANDFORD    AND    MERTON,    Corrected,  Pictorial  ed. 

30—39.    PARLEY'S    MAGAZINE.     10  large  volume*. 
Price  of  the  whole  set  $20. 
%•  These  books  have  been  submitted  to  the  Superintendent  of  Common 
Schools  of  the  State  of  New  York,  and  the  introduction  of  them  all  into 
the  District  Libraries  throughout  the  State  is  approved  by  him. 


29.  History  of  Sandford  and  Merton, 

By  Thomas  Day,  Esq.  A  new  edition  of  this  excellent  work,  revised 
throughout,  and  embellished  with  a  large  number  of  engravings. 
Extract  from  Contents. — Meeting  of  Harry  Sandford  and  Tommy  Mer- 
ton. Importance  of  education.  Stories  of  the  flies  and  the  ants.  The 
gentleman  and  the  basket  maker.  Story  of  Cyrus.  Account  of  the  Russian 
sailors  on  the  island  of  Spitzbergen.  The  elephant.  House  building. 
Grateful  Turk.  Disappointments  and  difficulties  overcome  by  thought  and 
perseverance.  Crocodile.  Bears  and  monkeys.  Education  of  animal*. 
Laplanders.  Reindeer.  Surprising  cure  for  the  gout.  Tommy  and  Harry 
in  a  snow  storm.  Persons  buried  in  the  snow.  Mechanics.  Arithmetic. 
Astronomy.  History  of  Agesilaus.  Leondidas  of  Sparta.  The  conjurer 
Mariners' compass.  Greenland.  Kamschatka.  Teleseope.  Magic  Lantern, 
Optics.  Tommy  and  the  dog  Casar.  Greenlandcr's  duel.  Bull-baiting 
Story  of  Polemo.  Sophron  and  Tigranes.  Tommy's  expedition  on  horse- 
back. Adventures  in  the  wilds  of  America.  Battles  with  the  Indians. 
Effects  of  gunpowder,  &c.  &c.  &c. 

30  to  39.  Parley's  Magazine. 

In  ten  large  square  volumes,  replete  with  valuable  reading  for  the  young 
er  portion  of  the  community.  It  is  filled  principally  with  original  matter 
prepared  expressly  for  the  instruction  and  amusement  of  young  people, 
and  with  regard  to  their  advancement  in  knowledge  and  usefulness.  It 
forms  a  most  attractive  and  useful  series  of  volumes.  The  contents  are 
so  extensive  and  various  that  it  would  be  impossible  to  give  any  list.of 
them  in  an  advertisement.  An  examination  of  the  work  itself  must  satis- 
fy every  One  of  its  admirable  adaptation  to  the  objects  had  in  view  in  it« 
preparation.  The  ten  volumes  contain  nearly  two  thousand  engravings 
And  considering  its  size  and  the  quantity  of  matter,  it  is  one  of  the  cheap- 
est books  ever  published.  ftj=  It  is  still  regularly  published  in  Monthly 
Numbers,  at  one  dollar  a  year.  «£fj 

g^T  The  Books  numbered  1  to  12  are  just  published  ;  those  from  13  to  18 
have  been  introduced  into  many  School  District  Libraries  ;  and  we  can 
adduce  the  commendation  of  Hon.  Edward  Everett,  and  others  of 
excellent  judgment,  to  the  value  of  these  volumes. 

SECOND  SERIES. 

40.  The  Principles  of  Morality, 

And  the   Private   and    Political    RIGHTS    and    OBLIGATIONS    of 
Mankind.       By  Jonathan  Dymo.nd.  Edited  by    Carolin*   M. 

Kirkland. 
Contexts. — Essay  I.  Moral  obligations.  Standard  of  right  and  wrong.  The 
will  of  God.  Subordinate  standards.  Moral  and  religious  obligations.  Di- 
vine attributes.  Virtue.  Scripture.  Morality  of  the  three  dispensations. 
Benevolence.  Consck-nce.  A  moral  sense.  Law  of  the  land,  of  nature,  of 
nations,  of  honor.  Utility.  Essay  II.  Religious  obligations.  Sabbatical 
institutions.  Property.  Litigation.  Arbitration.  Legal  practice.  Promises. 
Lies.  Oaths.  Immoral  agency.  Influence  of  individuals  on  public  opinion. 
Education.  Amusements.  Duelling  Suicide.  Self-defence.  Essay  III. 
Political  truth  and  rectitude.  Political  power.  Civil,  political  and  relig- 
ious liberty.  Obedience.  Forms  of  government.  Party.  Moral  Legislation- 
Justice.  Subjects  of  penal  animadversion.  Ends  of  Punishment.  Punisb- 
ment  of  death.  Religious  establishments.  Patriotism.  Slavery.  War. 


41.  A  New  Home-Who'U  Follow? 

Or  Glimpses  of  WESTERN  LIFE.     By  fi 
actual  Settlor.     (  Mis.  C.  M.  Kirkland.  ) 

42&4a  Forest  Life~ 

By  the  Author  of  "A  New  Home." 
These  are  t-.vo  of  the  most  spirited  and  original  works  that  have  yet  been 
produced  in  this  country.  The  real  enjoyments  of  life  in  the  new  States, 
are  set  forth  in  their  truo  colours;  but  the  real  inconveniences,  and  an- 
noyances, and  sacrifices  which  belong  to  it,  are  not  extenuated.  They 
give  a  simple  picture  of  a  home  on  the  outskirts  of  civilization,  and  pre- 
sent us  with  an  unvarnished  tale  of  the  life  of  an  emigrant.  They  are  a- 
musing  in  the  extreme,  and  the  leader  may  almost  fancy  himself  in  Mich- 
igan, paiticipating  in  the  pleasures  and  troubles  of  the  fair  authoress. 
Half  an  hour  with  one  of  these  books  is  like  half  an  hour's  chat  with  one 
of  our  pleasant  western  kinsfolk. 

41.  Letters  from  New  York, 

By  Ltoia  Maria  Child. 
Contents. — The  Battery  Streets  of  modern  Babylon.  Washingtonians. 
Street  music.  Law  of  love.  Dog-killers.  Sectarian  walls.  Ideas  of 
God.  Poor  woman's  garden.  Society  make*  the  crime  it  punishes.  Ho- 
boken.  Weohawken.  Hamilton's  duei.  Indian  sarcasm.  Highland  be- 
nevolent  society.     Jews.     Old  clothes.     Reading  by    lamplight.      Rev. 


John  Summerfield.  Speculations.  Greenwood  cemetery.  Mourning. 
The  shipping.  Yankee  boy  and  his  acorn.  The  Kamchatka  and  Belle 
Foule.     Ravenswood.      Grant  Thorburn.     Changing  population  of  New 


York.  Absent  men.  Bag-piper.  Beautiful  burial.  Eloquent  preacher. 
Zeek  the  slave.  New  Year.  Past  and  future.  Music.  Caution  to  re- 
former*. Scenery  within  the  soul.  Valley  de  sham.  Truth  in  act.  For- 
eign boys.  Newspaper  boy.  Drunken  woman.  Burying  ground  for  the 
poor.  McDonald  Clarke.  Great  fire.  Jane  Plato's  gaiden.  Money  is 
not  wealth.  Doves  in  Broadway.  The  Dove  and  the  pirute.  Prisoners 
and  doves.  Genius  inspired  by  holiness.  Origin  of  Manhattan.  Anti- 
quities of  New  York.  The  fish  and  the  ring.  Animal  magnetism.  The 
■oul  watching  its  own  body.  Second  sight.  Birds.  1'he  snake  and  the 
white  ash.  Parrot.  Swallows.  Staten  Island.  Sailors'  snug  harbour. 
Florida  slave  trader.  Little  child  and  the  clover  blossom.  Music  and 
fire-wnrks  at  Castle-garden.  Rockland  lake.  Major  Andre.  Dutch  far- 
mers. Flowers.  Music  and  light.  Music  of  the  planets.  Burning  bell- 
tower  of  Hamburgh.  Mysterious  music.  Mocking  bird  and  bob-o'-link. 
The  ira'.ch  seller.  Beautiful  anecdote.  Horses  tamed.  Blackwell's  Is- 
land. Long  Island  farm*.  Sylvio  Pellico.  Model  alms-house.  Croton 
watec  The  fountains.  Capital  punishment.  Mercy  to  criminals.  Mrs. 
Fry.  Love-tokens.  Catholic  church.  Pmoyism.  Anecdotes  of  tho  I- 
rish.  Woman's  right*.  Lightning.  Daguerreotype.  Indians.  Swe- 
denborg  and  Fourier.  Snow  storm.  Cold-footed  and  warm-hearted  little 
ones.     Ministration*  of  sorrow.     May  day  in  New  York. 

45,  Conversations  on  Common  Things. 

Or  a  GUIDE  to  KNOWLEDGE.     By  A  Ladt.    (  Miss  D.  L.  Dix.) 
This  volume  contains  a  familiar  description  of  about  four  hundred  useful 
and  ornamental  articles ;  such  as  are  mot  with  in  overy-day  life. 


53.  Mental  and  Moral  Culture, 

And  POPULAR  EDUCATION.  By  S.  S.  Randall.  Gen.  Dep.  Su- 
perintendent of  Common  School*  in  the  State  of  New  York.     T« 
which  is  appended  a  SPECIAL  REPORT  on  COMMON  SCHOOL 
LIBRARIES  ;  prepared  in  pursuance  of  the  instructions  of  the  Su- 
perintendent of  Common  Schools;  by  Henrt  S.  Randall,  Super 
intendent  of  Cortland  County. 
Contents — Chap.  I     The  philosophy  of  education.     Chap.  II.    Physical, 
intellectual,  and  moral  culture.     Chap.  III.    The  nature  and  mission  of 
Genius.     Chap.  IV.    Mental  philosophy.     Chap.   V.   Formation  and  de- 
▼elopement  of  character.     Chap.   VI.  Moral   responsibility.     Chap.  VII. 
Public  instruction.       Chap.    VIII.    Colleges,    academies,   and   common 
■chools.    Appendix.  Report  on  common  school  Libraries. 

54  The  Librarian. 

A  Book  for  the  PARLOUR  and  for  the  SCHOOL  DISTRICT. 
Contents. — Advantages  of  knowledge.  May.  Sleep.  The  comet.  Turk- 
ish scenes.  Rural  sights  and  sounds.  Health.  The  lily.  Natural  bridgo 
in  Virginia.  Eternity.  The  wren.  Anecdotes  of  silk,  of  dwarfs,  of  bees, 
ofcranes,  of  a  Sandwich-islander,  of  the  grasshopper,  of  sailors,  ofin- 
dians,  of  lobsters.  Human  tongue.  Eyes  of  fishes.  Visit  to  Lowell.  Cu- 
rious facts  in  natural  history,  volcanos.  Facts  for  seamen  and  swim- 
mers. The  Missourium.  Blue  Beard.  Chinese  wall.  Casualties  of 
great  men.  Cooking  in  Persia.  Dutchman  and  bear.  Pillars  of  Hercu- 
les. Bucaniers.  Charades.  Immortality.  Sepulchres  of  kings.  Massa- 
chusetts fisheries.  Niagara  falls.  Mount  Holyoke.  The  farmers  daugh- 
ter.    &.C.  &.C.  &c. 

55,  Parley's  Magazine,  Vol.  xi 

This  Volume  contains  400  pages  printed  in  double  columns,  and  includes 
more  than  three  hundred  interesting  and  instructive  articles, — consisting 
of  Moral  Tales,  Entertaining  Anecdotes,  Voyages  and  Truvels,  Natural 
History,  &.c.  &c.     Illustrated  by  100  Engravings. 


56,  Historical  Tales 


Of  ILLUSTRIOUS  CHILDREN.    By  Agnes  Strickland.    Author 
of  "  Lives  of  the  Queens  of  England.  "         fVith  Ten  Engravings. 
Contents. — Guthred,  the  widow's  slave.     The  royal  brothers.     The  chose 
ofWareham.     Sons  of  the  conqueror.     Wolaey  bridge.    Judgment  of  Sir 
Thomas  More.     Lady  Lucy's  petition.     Historical  Summary. 


57.  Tales  of  the  Saxons. 


By  Emilt  Tatlor.  With  Eight  Engravings. 

Contents. — Haco  the  good.  Hereward  the  Sajon.  Edith  the  forester's 
daughter.     Manners  of  the  Saxons. 

Q£p  The  object  of  the  two  last  mentioned  works  is  to  offer  a  series  of  moral 
and  instructive  tales,  each  founded  on  some  striking  authentic  fact  in 
English  History,  in  which  it  is  the  author's  wish  to  convey,  in  a  pleasing 
form,  information  illustrative  of  the  manners  and  customs  of  the  era  con- 
nected with  the  events  of  each  story. 


Drawing  for  Young  Children ; 

Containing    One  Hundred  and  Fifty    Drawing   CoriEs,    and  hukb- 

BOCS     EXEHCISES;     ACCOMPANIED     BT      AMPLE     DIRECTIONS     BOTH     FOE 

Teaches   and  Pupil.       Published  originally  under  the  superintendence 

of  the  London  Society  for  the  Diffusion  of  Useful  Knowledge. 
Extract  from  the  Introduction. 

"  Most  little  children  attempt  to  draw  of  their  own  accord,  and  frequent- 
ly receive  much  pleasure  from  their  rude  productions  ;  but  the  want  of  as- 
sistance and  encouragement  generally  prevents  them  from  making  any  pro- 
ficiency. The  object  of  this  book  is  to  assist  the  instructer  in  teaching 
drawing  to  young  children,  or  rather  to  show  how  children  may  be  put  in 
the  way  of  instructing  themselves,  and  of  turning  the  ait  to  the  best  account 
for  the  improvement  of  their  faculties.*  *  *  *  In  this  book,  a  beginning  only 
is  attempted.  So  much  of  drawing  is  given  as  every  person  ought  to  pos- 
sess, and  might  easily  acquire.  The  explanations  and  illustrations  are  so 
full,  that  the  Instructer,  though  previously  unpractised  in  drawing,  may 
commence  the  art  with  a  young  child  by  taking  a  very  little  trouble. 

«'  Drawing  is  of  use,  directly,  asagenerat  written  language,  superior  in 
several  respects  to  penmanship  ;  it  is  almost  indispensable  to  many  profes- 
sions and  trades,  and  highly  useful  in  many  others  ;  and  it  would,  if  gene- 
rally disseminated,  be  a  powerful  means  of  increasing  the  innocent  enjoy- 
ments, good  feelings,  and  good  taste  of  a  community.  It  is  of  use  indirect- 
ly, by  the  discipline  it  gives  to  the  eye,  hand,  powers  of  observation,  mem- 
ory, invention,  taste,  and  in  a  degree  to  the  other  mental  faculties. We 

have  only  to  notice  the  delight  shown  by  children  looking  over  a  book  of 
pictures,  compared  with  that  which  they  show  in  reading  a  book,  to  be  con- 
vinced how  powerful  an  instrument  of  instruction  drawing  might  be  made.  " 

Woman,  as  Maiden,  Wife  and  Mother. 

An  Epitome  of  Social  Duties  and  Domestic  Enjoyments.  From  the 
12th  London  Edition,  thoroughly  revised  and  improved.  By  a  Ladt. 
Contents.  Comparative  estimate  of  difference  of  temperament  between 
Male  and  Female  Children.  Dolls,  Toys,  Books,  Piano.  Nursery  maids, 
their  evil,  and  Ghost  Stories.  Boarding  Schools,  and  their  tendency.  Ex- 
ercise ;  Conduct  of  parents  to  their  daughters  ;  Dress,  Graces,  Compan- 
ions ;  Love;  Religion.  Tho  WIFE.  Mutual  forbearance;  Quarrels; 
Candor  ;  Housekeeping  ;  Expenses  ;  Family  hours  ;  Toilette  ;  Parties  ; 
Behavior  to  male  friends  ;  How  to  make  men  in  love  with  marriage.  The 
MOTHER.  Preparation  of  mind  for  the  Event.  Remarks  thereon.  Love 
of  offspring.  Her  trials  ;  the  attention  that  should  be  shown  her:  Dress  of 
Children  ;  Maternal  obligations  ;  Weaning  ;  (luaekery  ;  Advice  as  to  the 
regulation  of  the  love  due  to  a  hunband,  in  combination  with  nn  affectionate 
regard  for  the  Children.  '  Domestic  managr-mr-nt.  Moral  rearing.  A  good 
Parent's  first  care.  The  NURSERY.  Nurses,  and  absurd  practices  :  Ex> 
srcifi.'  of  Infants  ;  Deformity  by  erroneous  mode  of  Nursing.  Respiration 
of  infants,  Sec.  FAMILY  MANAGEMENT.  Dinner  table,  Household 
Economy  ;  Cookery  ;  Properties  of  Food,  Sec.  GUIDE  TO  KNITTING 
Fifty  Examples,  with  ample  directions,  as  well  as  for  Crotchet  or  Tambour 
•Yeot  pocket  volume,  gilt  edges,  38  ctnU. 


4 


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and  Magazines,  and  forward  them  regularly  to  all  parts  of  the 
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Dial 3  00 

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Journal  of  Franklin  Institute,  5  00 
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Law  Library 10  00 

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REPRINTS. 

London  Quar.  Review,  .  /  jS  \  3  00 
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225 


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